I did this exercise with my life coach last week, and I found it enlightening. It really helped me with my feelings of guilt. I just wondered what others thought.
I am still growing daily, but I have learned how to ASK Dad if he wants help before just jumping in and helping (He would complain a lot about me not letting him DO anything), and if he insists on doing something that I know he really CAN'T do (such as sweeping the floor), I let him try on his own and he will normally ask after a while.
I am also learning how not to take on HIS stuff. I constantly have to tell myself that an issue is HIS, and I don't have to react.
Finally, I'm learning how to exit a situation that isn't comfortable for me with him or "family" (Dad and I did Thanksgiving alone and I didn't show up for the family celebration the next day because I didn't want the negativity -- VERY empowering).
I'm sure there's more, but acknowledging growth helped me not feel like a "bad daughter" for not catering to his every whim. Besides, we PAY people to handle certain things, and it's OK if they don't do it like I would do it... as long as it gets done.
I wish I knew this three years ago!!!
HUGS to the Caregivers!!!!