I stare out my window at the thankfully melting snow and realize how much I neglected my garden last fall. Gangly sunflowers poke out through the frozen slush along with the coneflowers, their last seeds pecked away by the long gone goldfinches in autumn.
My time is compressed. It's sandwiched between the things I used to have time for and caring for mom. I can't recall the moment I just let things go. Perhaps it was the early snow. It saddens me, but also energizes me that it is time to take things back. I will squeek it out to get back to remembering who I am and dig in the dirt. Time to shake off the winter blues and learn to say no sometimes. Our time on this earth is also limited and I intend to get as much dirt as I can under my chewed-up, stressed out nails as I can.
I want mud between my toes and a sunburn on my back and to feel alive as only gardening can do, at least for me.
And someday, late June, to sit back and marvel at the beauty. That is my goal. To take a little bit of normal back again.