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Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
Share a few details and we will match you to trusted home care in your area:
My father has been in memory care for a year now and still insists that he doesn't need to be there. He has really bad sundowners, so the evenings are the worst I get his calls and he wants me to call the police or take him to the hospital. I have to talk myself down as much as I do him some days. People are right when they say, when it comes to the point, they need it there is no " convincing " them we just have to place them where they are safe and cared for. If my dad had his way most days he would just be left alone but when the evenings come, he gets scared thinks someone is harming him , he wont change himself or take meds eat or anything so I know he's in the right place. When his mind plays tricks on him he will tell anyone that listens that he can care for himself
Agree with everyone that it's a mixture of compassion and insistence. Unfortunately, their brains' logic systems are broken but the emotional part is still firing on all cylinders. It can take what seems like an eternity but probably more like 6 months before they drop the assertion they can go home. There is no point in trying to "sell" them on it. Listen compassionately, try to distract, and also, leave. Don't hang around for long conversations. It gets better. My mom did and said all the same things...I don't belong here, I don't like THESE people, I'm not sick like they are. She's been there a year and half and much more content. It'll never be an ideal situation (her dining room is sub par too) but as long as your parent is safe and well cared for, it's the right move. I know it's so stressful but if the staff is qualified, they will help manage the transition. That's part of what you pay the big bucks for!
I will start by saying, I am so sorry. We are in the same situation. My dad is mad, sad, hurt, respectfully defiant (I am actually shocked at how respectful he is being - he is a strong-willed veteran and I expected much worse). I don't know how to help him. It hurts my heart to know how much he has lost. He tells everyone that the doctors are wrong about his Alzheimer's and he IS moving home. I keep telling him, I wish he could move home too. I keep pointing out the good stuff this place does for mom. They clean the apartment. They change and wash the sheets. They make all of their meals (although, this is the biggest issue - the food is not the best). They have nurses ready to come running if they need them. I think the biggest thing I do is empathize with him. They are losing everything. They are losing the comfort of what they have always known. In my dad's case, he is losing his vision, his hearing, and his ability to remember and reason. I would be so mad, I probably would not be "respectably defiant". I would just be outright defiant. The best advice I can give is to listen, empathize, encourage, and then go have a good cry in private. Even if they are angry "with you", it isn't something 'you' are doing. I heard something this last week in a recovery group I attend, and I am clinging to it: "Emotions are like children, they are very important and we have to listen to what they are telling us, but we should never let them drive the car." My parent's emotions are real and they are sharing them with me. My emotions are real and they are telling me to move my parents home, hire all the people, and manage all the things. But, the logic is what drives the decisions, not the emotions.
pat, why wouldn't they be angry? Anger is usually a cover for grief, for pain, for loss. Isn't this another loss. More grief? More pain. And an utter lack of control of your own life? Isn't this the loss of your very MIND and all you are? Who would not be angry? Who would not be grief-stricken.
Please allow this mourning. And if you are able to see your way clear, please join in this mourning, but if this is not worth mourning then I cannot imagine anything on earth that is. It is a living death. A robbery of all you are.
I say this as an 83 year old, who, at this point, fears death NOT AT ALL. It is LIFE going on that is a terror to me. An absolute TERROR!
You remind yourself that your parent can no longer be reasoned with . They rarely go willingly because they don’t think they “ belong “ in memory care . Don’t waste time waiting for your parent to accept the idea before placement . It won’t happen. Just place your parent . After they get there they will adjust .
By the time memory care is required, you don't discuss the situation with your parent. You just arrange to take them there for lunch and afterward, take them to their room that you've previously set up to look like home. If your parent already knows they're going to MC, explain the doctor ordered it for their safety and nursing care. Period.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Please allow this mourning. And if you are able to see your way clear, please join in this mourning, but if this is not worth mourning then I cannot imagine anything on earth that is. It is a living death. A robbery of all you are.
I say this as an 83 year old, who, at this point, fears death NOT AT ALL. It is LIFE going on that is a terror to me. An absolute TERROR!
Just place your parent . After they get there they will adjust .
Best of luck to you.