Since my father in law moved in, I'm always angry, cannot focus, relax, or pursue any of my interests. The TV is always on at full volume. He won't wear his hearing aids, or clean up his messes, or do anything his pt says. He's not disabled. He's just (self-proclaimed) lazy. Neither of us can talk to him because he can't hear us. It's like having a pet that we have to care for in every way.
Again, he's not disabled, just lazy.
Is it unreasonable to expect him to do something... Anything?
He moved in over a year ago after heart surgery and after he recuperated, he was better than ever, according to his doctors and himself. But for the last year he's just planted himself on the couch and refuses to move. I think he's just done with living but he's not depressed or sick in any way. He's just totally unmotivated.
Is frustrating because we try to help with doctors, specialists, drugs, food, clothes, etc, but he does nothing to help himself.
I used to cherish my quiet time while my wife was at work (I'm retired), but now there is no quiet time, ever.
I realize I'm stuck in this situation until the end so I have to find a way to deal with it. If you're in a similar situation, I'd love to hear from you. How do you cope?
As a first act with your FIL, you must inform him that one of the conditions of him being in your home is to wear his hearing aids and keep them in the whole day.
Lealonnie1 gave the same advice I would, so please consider it. It's your house, your marriage, your life. When you married her you never agreed to be her father's retirement plan. If you would have known it would be like this, you would have said NO. So, say NO now. He will only get worse with time.
We all make mistakes. You need to help FIL find a nice senior apartment for himself now so he can have autonomy and live however he sees fit to live, freeing you up to do that very thing in YOUR OWN HOME. Have a chat with your wife and get on the same page about this. Then find a nice place for dad and help him move out. Go visit him frequently and do whatever you can for him THERE in the new digs. Take your life back. Tomorrow is not guaranteed to any of us, my friend, so to live in misery any more is a waste of precious time. You've done enough for him already and helped him regain his strength to be able to be self sufficient now. I'm sure the plan was not to take him in FOREVER. And if it was, plans change.
Otherwise, I have no idea how you learn to cope with a nearly deaf man who blasts the tv set all day while lying on his bum expecting to be waited on hand and foot. Start with an appointment with an Audiologist for a nice set of hearing aides. And order yourself earplugs by the case. That's what I do....my husband is so loud it's like he's talking thru a megaphone and bowling in the kitchen every morning! 🙄