How do siblings from same parents, background and upbringing end up so different?

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Some responsible others just a burden. We see lots of posts on this site about the one son or daughter that ends up totally responsible for caregiving of parents and the worthless sibs who do nothing but make things worse. What is it? Do parents unconsciously treat kids differently? Mom always liked you best? I know there's lots of scholarly material out there but what do you guys think is going on? I'm the responsible one in my family. My sibs passed away and I often wonder how we ended up so profoundly different having come from the same place. People who knew all three of us have always made remarks to me that we seemed to be from three different planets. I'm far from perfect and have had the sames kinds of life's downside as any one else who is 60 years old but I survived (so far anyway) and do what has to be done. What are folks thinking about this subject?

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My dad has 3 kids with his first wife, my mother has 2 kids with her first husband then together they had me. My dads 2 sons are very self centered and will not help me at all with my dad, his other daughter usea my dads health problems to get attention, but still wont help me. My mothers two daughters both have drug problems, one is married and has a boyfriend and ignores her kids. The other has two kids but wont get a job so they keep ending up homeless. Im the youngest by atleast 8 years but the oldest is 28 years older than me. Im 26 almost done with my bachelor's degree and ive been working since i was 16. Sometimes i really think i was adopted.
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Somehow I missed this thread but it's certainly going to be interesting to read the earlier responses.

Without repeating what anyone else has said, I think that there are perennial "nature vs. nurture" theories to consider, the family dynamics, conditions when the children were growing up, their own personalities, capabilities and goals, and even more in the last few decades the widespread dispersion of families as mobility has increased.

There are also the individual traits and skills - some people are just not comfortable or qualified to be caregivers, any more than I'm qualified to be a rocket scientist. or an executive.

What I try to do is create a mathematical construct: given a, b, and c, knowing my skill sets and temperament, parental personality, sibling involvement, etc., what can or can't I do? Geometry provides a good reference point for these kinds of analyses as it establishes the "givens", and allows for creation of alternatives within that framework.

E.g., if a sibling isn't going to help, and certain things must be done, how can they be done without relying on someone who's unwilling or unable? That helps control the aggravation at being stuck being the sole caregiver and allows me to move forward to focus on solutions, not resentment.

I won't deny that it still takes effort to maintain this perspective, but it's better than focusing on what ISN'T going to happen.

It also helps take the emotion out of the equation.
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I have lost all respect for my 2 selfish brothers.They have shown me zero respect .3 years ago,when Mother was just placed on Hospice,I needed to go buy a winter coat to keep warm.When I asked my brother if he could stay with Mother 2 hours,he said he was too busy.He went hiking with the other brother and that was way more important than hiss sister being warm.Another day,this same brother told me"When Mom dies,you will have to get out fast!I caught the other one sneaking and writing down the vinn numbers on Mothers cars.
These are grown men.One is 57 and the other is 61.When they do come by,they pull up a chair and sit and show Mother pictures on their phones of the pretty waterfalls,etc.they saw on their hiking trips while I am doing every single thing Mother needs or wants in alot of my own physical pain(aand emotional).They never lift a finger to help in any way and most the time,they dont put thier chairs away that they got out to sit on their ass.Today,they are out picking berries for their sorry wives to make pies for themselves.They have seen me struggle with a broken foot and wrist and still did nothing.When all this started in March 2006,the doctor was giving out the instructions.My 2 brothers stepped backward as I went foreward.Ofcourse I will always help Mother.
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Still going through it. Inherited one third of Dad's house...Its a vacation house and one co-owner (sibling), is dominating all the time there for her family without regards to others. I cannot afford to subsidize her unfair usage, paying one third of the expenses), while my large family cannot use the house. My husband and I are older and we started to divest our holdings to out children. I gave my one third share to one of my children....Now, I am being accused of unfairly hurting the sibling and her family because of a buyout request for the one third share....
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Lots of interesting comments. What causes some sibs to be total uncaring s...ts? Who knows. Mom loved your best, he was the handsome one, she got all the good toys, I think its multiple issues and we can read big , thick books about it.

But in the end many of us are stuck with worthless, burdensome sibs. Then there's the dynamic of the "Responsible Child" . That would be me. It can really suck. I've been critical of folks who don't just walk away from horrible parents an d sibs but oh, that nagging sense of responsibility drags us back into the fray every time. I wish they would invent a new drug: "responsi gone" .
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Theres a book about this. It has to do with birth order. Dysfunctional roles in familys. ect.. there is the scapegoat child, the performer, the one that escapes. Middle child usually i think. Every child plays a part in the dynamics of this family unit. Learning or being born into the part. Each one serving the purpose to keep the wheel going. Very interesting. Deep. Also after the 3 roles are filled, amd there are more children added there is another scapegoat or angry child, another performer class clown perfectionist, and another escapee. The roles can change and each can fight to find their role. If one falls to a different category, then another child will move to take the place. They dont even know their doing it. Dysfunction at its best. I often wonder why we cant all be equal.
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I hope my brothers have regrets.They should.They chose to throw away precious time and memories they could have made with Mother.I have no respect for them and I am ashamed of their selfish behavior.They were raised with the Golden Rule,the same as me.
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My husband is the middle child, and looks more like his mom than his older brother and younger sister who look like their dad. He was always her favorite. His Dad died in 86, So my husband and I have been taking care of her every since. With her declining health, she moved in with us. His sister has done nothing but cause us pain and make everything harder for all. And what we here everyday is they are stealing your money.. Really, what money, we do not need all this stress !!
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every one is responsible for their own actions. Siblings who don't take responsibillity are a fact of life. I do what I can do and have one brother and sister who are responsible and we divide up our time so someone is with mom almost every day.
When she is gone, we can feel that we did what we could and hopefully made her life better. The lone sibling who is never there will have to face his own demons and regrets (assuming he has them).
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Ok, I am going to bring this up... horoscopes... yep, what is your sign.

Turns out most of my friends and some of my co-workers were born in the middle of July... we all had similar traits which we found most interesting, especially one trait of being pigeon toed when little. This could all be just coincidental. Or not. Don't know if date of birth makes any difference or not.

One thing I read that with me being born under the sign of Cancer, if I am married or living with a Leo, I will spend most of my days in tears.. oh my gosh, how true that is.
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