My father and mother have lived with me for 4 years. It's been one year since my 95 year old father started on this sad downhill path. Now he can hardly eat or drink at all. He sleeps all the time and cannot talk. When he is aware, which is so rare, he looks sadly into my eyes and my heart wants to break. He's been on hospice for 6 months, but now it is truly needed.
Last year we scheduled a vacation for next week. My brother was going to come and stay and take care of my parents, along with the caregiver, and my husband and I were going to go away.
I feel like the end is near and everything inside of me says, "Stay. Don't leave now." My husband wants me to go. He's seen how hard I've worked these past 4 years and he wants some time away.
My heart aches that my father is about to pass, or at least I think that he is. My heart also aches because I need my husband to say, "It's OK, honey. We'll stay and we'll go away another time."
Care giving is so hard. Now the end is hard, too. I feel so alone.