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My father and mother have lived with me for 4 years. It's been one year since my 95 year old father started on this sad downhill path. Now he can hardly eat or drink at all. He sleeps all the time and cannot talk. When he is aware, which is so rare, he looks sadly into my eyes and my heart wants to break. He's been on hospice for 6 months, but now it is truly needed.

Last year we scheduled a vacation for next week. My brother was going to come and stay and take care of my parents, along with the caregiver, and my husband and I were going to go away.

I feel like the end is near and everything inside of me says, "Stay. Don't leave now." My husband wants me to go. He's seen how hard I've worked these past 4 years and he wants some time away.

My heart aches that my father is about to pass, or at least I think that he is. My heart also aches because I need my husband to say, "It's OK, honey. We'll stay and we'll go away another time."

Care giving is so hard. Now the end is hard, too. I feel so alone.

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From what you are saying, it does seem like the 'end' is near. If you are asking for my/our input.... I would say: STAY with your father. If he passes while you are gone, I feel you will not forgive yourself. Your mother needs your support too, this can't be easy for her either. If you are close to her, your presence will help her get through.

Hopefully your husband will understand if you decide to postpone your 'vacation' . If your father passes, I am sure you would be returning home 'early anyway.

I stayed close to my mother until she passed, and I am glad I did.

God bless you and comfort you.
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Rachel, if anything is your business and yours alone, this is it.....But you are asking us for our input, so I will tell you what I felt when I read your post. I felt that you, taking the time to put this into words here, shows how much this issue is weighing on you, and perhaps that means that you do want to remain where your father is at this time. You said your "heart aches." Your "feeling" or "intuition" could very well be correct, that the time is very close for your father to pass on. God bless you and your family.
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Follow your heart, you can get away later, if you leave and he passes you may feel bad about it, but you can reschedule a much needed break any time...
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Whats important is that you take the time away. You know you love your father and even though he is not mentally there he knows it too. Remember how he was. Don't feel guilt, you have done everything you can for him. If he happens to pass while your away look at it as Gods way of letting you know this is what your father wanted.
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Follow your heart Rachel it knows. I had the same feeling when my Father passed... the night before I had this feeling that I needed to stay over at my parents house, it was such a strong feeling That I told my husband that I was going to stay with Mom for now and he understood. That night my Mother told me she was glad that I was staying because she felt strongly that my Father would be going soon. By 6am the next morning he passed. So if you feel that strongly about not leaving then explain this to your husband maybe he will understand and you can be with your dad. If you feel you should go then tell you Dad how much you love him and that its ok and you'll see him soon.
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Bless your heart, Rachel. Many friends here who know and understand. Maybe you could just get away for the weekend for now? If you are sensing it's the end, you might feel better if you stay at this time. There will be time, right? I would just hold your Dad and give him "permission" to go when he needs to--you can do that on a spiritual level, not verbal. Soul to soul. You will experience the comfort here. All the Best, and HUGS. :)
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