For those of you who are caregiving and living with the person you are caring for 24/7, how are you coping?

You are not a horrible person! You are wonderful, and made me laugh when you told about turning around and bumping into her!! 😁.
But, how ever do you manage to work full time, then care for your mother?!? Plus, you Must sleep....we were created to sleep, and to be awake, by God, our creative Maker!
I will pray for you as you are truly "under the gun"....I have no answers, but, I know that the Lord can do anything, and so I'll be praying for you. Shalom. 🌺🕊🌺

Loved reading your reply

I feel your pain!

I am about to lose my mind. I haven’t been out of my house for a month. I live in Effingham Ga. If anyone knows what step to take to put loved one in a nursing home please share the information with me. I don’t know where to start. I have to do something or someone can just push me into a grave.

I’m so sorry for your loss. But be comforted knowing she went to heaven peacefully and with you near her. God be with you and your family during this difficult time. She was a lucky mother to have you there during her passing on. Stay strong in your faith . 🙏🌺🌹🌷🥀💐

Cajohnston ; Hi
I’m so sorry for your situation , God bless you . It’s important for you to have some alone time. You should not feel guilty at all. I’m a 24/7 care giver to my husband that had multiple strokes and now has advanced Dementia. That illness steals away their very soles. He’s completely gone. I have to do absolutely everything for him , he’s in pull ups, I have to change him 3/4 times during the night . All the bathing, grooming , dressing. I have to help him up and down most of the time. I’ve done it alone for 5 yrs now. I’m glad you have care givers that’s wonderful. At times a sit and cry and cry, stay awake at night feeling so sad that he’s no longer has a mind . It’s so hard to cope when a loved one becomes ill . You have done wonderful taking care of your mother. You should never feel guilty , guilt will only start destroying you. Go out do something for your self . You can’t give up your happiness you need to take care of yourself also. God Bless you both prayers to you and your mom. God is good , he’s always just a prayer away. I don’t know how I could cope right now with out God help. Take care. 🙏🙏🌺🌷🌹

Thank you for keeping it going I just joined and needed it.

Wonderful post!

I take care of my mother 24/7, she is 96 with mobility issues and various other health problems. She has been in the hospital three times these past few months and I am worried about her health. I stay in her hospital room during her hospital visits. I am so tired but I get my strength from God. My mother and I go to church every Sunday. I pray frequently and ask God to help me to care for my precious mother and give me the strength carry on with my duties as a primary caregiver. I know it is difficult, emotionally and physically and certainly very hard work but knowing I make a difference in my mother's life gives me comfort and strength. My life has changed a great deal but my mother's life has changed more and it breaks my heart to see her decline. I look at it this way. I had a great life, I traveled around the world, had a wonderful job, many friends, mom, dad and I brought up my
niece at age ten and now she is helping me care for my mother for about 11 years. What a gift. I am so grateful. I took care of my mother alone for 8 years and eleven years ago I needed more help. My brother moved in with us to help out and he has been living with us since. The point I am trying to make is trust in God, he will find ways to help you. I have received many blessing since I started taking care of my mother, too numerous to write. I receive a check monthly which helps with the high house taxes. My brother hired a very nice young man to cut our lawn and also plow in the winter. These gifts are from our Lord and I am truly thankful. I am not trying to offend any of you, I give you lots of credit for caring for your loved ones. You are all good people, otherwise you would not worry about anything or care about your family. I read how some had very traumatic lives as a child but still helped out their parents. That says so much about a person. Some people can't do it and that is ok at least they gave it a shot. I hope I was able to help one person on this post today. Try to set a little time for yourself each day for some respite. I get up very early to have an hour to myself and I claim it. Everyone knows this is my time, be firm. My prayers are with all of you wonderful caregivers and I wish all of you many blessing along this difficult journey. Peace! I just realized this question was Sept. 2015 but I am going to keep it , someone might read it.

The only thing I can do at this point is take each day one day at a time and thank God that I woke up!

Don’t beat yourself up. Being crammed into a small space together is maddening!!!!! I am glad you get out to exercise, however, I do understand what you mean about not wanting to go back home... I dreaded coming back from our much needed vacay last year because I did not want to have to be near my FIL.
please reconsider meds, I think it is the only thing that has kept me from going off a cliff

I feel horrible when my patience runs thin. DH attends adult day care M-F. The bus picks up by 7am & returns between 3-5pm. I know I am so lucky to have that resource. But I still have days where this situation seems endless & I feel helpless & hopeless & become impatient.

Thank goodness I can come to this website for insight & perspective without judgment.

I am praying for you Teresa...I am sorry to hear about your experience!

Talk to her doctor(s) as to what type of sleep aide you can give her due to clashing with any existing meds. I gave my mom melatonin which was a joke. Mine agreed I can give her Tylenol PM which will help her sleep at night and be up in the day time and allow her activity to be more in the daytime with other caregivers. Her sleep pattern will change and you may gain some reprieve. Good Luck.

Ditto... it’s so hard in so many ways that are not healthy for caregivers... And, we are the ones that save the government tons of money... we should be at least compensated.

You are a Saint. You are not a horrible person. I’m sorry for the loss of your husband. You need time to adjust to that extreme life changing/ heart breaking reality. Again, my condolences. Hugs

I just had to call the fire department because I found my mom on the floor last night (in the middle of the night) and I could not lift her back up. My mom is not heavy she is very thin but it was like dead weight and so I had to call someone. So Teresa I totally understand and it is frustrating. My mom will wake up at two in the morning to go to the bathroom and thinks it is morning and gets dressed and just walks around the house trying to wake me up but I have to go to work in the morning!! So I have to get her back in her night gown and put her back to bed just for her to get up within an hour to start the whole thing over again!!!! OMG!!!

Oh I know that feeling. My worst part is the guilt I feel when I complain that I have no life. After my husband died after finding out he had cancer and six wees later he's gone and I go from that to being a caregiver for my mom. Work full time and come home to being a caregiver for my mom. I just would like a little time to myself but the minute I get home she is stuck to me like glue. Even though she has had caregivers with her all day and one of them is my older sister but its me she wants to be next to, follows me around to the point of me turning around and bumping into her. I feel like a horrible daughter for writing this but this is my life now. Work from 8-5 get home at 5:30 and its another job for 5:30 until the next morning when I'm back to work. Nighttime is not sleep time at my house. For some reason my mother is up and turning on my light to standing in front of my door coughing or tapping her finger nails on the furnace etc. But again, I feel guilty for even talking about it. I love my mom but I just want a little time for myself...Does anyone else have these feelings of guilt or am I just a horrible person?

Teresa, wow. That would be difficult. At least you know easier times are coming, ie. after the UTI clears up and the antibiotics finish. I hope you were able to get extra help. Good luck to you.

Not doing so good today. I've been having trouble getting my mom off the couch and in her wheelchair to get her to the bathroom. She can hardly stand on her own and I have trouble lifting her. Twice today I had to have help. Once I called pastor's wife and once I called EMS. I can't keep doing this. I'm going to talk to either our hospice nurse or our social worker about this. My mom is taking an antibiotic for a UTI and respiratory infection and goes to the bathroom every hour to hour and a half. It's really frustrating
Sigh.

I completely worry about my husband. His 85 yr old dad lives with us. He is so needy. Husband works from home and business is booming but FIL has so many needs my husband is running him around every single day for this or that. FIL doesn’t even notice that he is stressing out his own son. I’m working to get someone come in a couple days a week so they could run FIL around and this would help husband. I am trying to schedule little getaways when I can find one of our young adult children to take care of their grandfather.

I just recently posted a question asking for advice on how to take of your 81y/o mother at home with Alzheimer’s without losing my mind. I’m not doing too well. I’m constantly exhausted, have no life of my own outside of my house and mother and I miss my old life with my husband before we took mom in. She’s been with us 3 years and sometimes I think I’m going crazy. I love my mom but right now she’s going through a very bitter, mean stage and I don’t know how to handle her.

I’m burnt out! My FIL has a lot of health issues and my MIL just wants to hide in her room and sew. Hubby and I work full time as does my oldest daughter. I’m also a college student. FIL’s Parkinsons is getting worse. He is very needy, wants my husband’s attention 24/7. I take care of his meds, appointments and he has no remorse about demanding things from us. My daughters can’t stand to be around either of them bc they’re so critical and bossy. We basically gave up our downstairs for them. Then they get mad when I ask for them to work with me on times to come in my own bedroom/bathroom for showers since I have schoolwork to do when I’m home. I lost my mom 2 years ago and I’m still dealing with that. MIL was supposed to help cook, and help out keeping the downstairs straight. All she does besides sew is go outside for vape every 29 minutes (I’ve timed it.) she’s mentally checked out. I wish I could too. My kids are miserable. We cram into a room the size of a nursery to watch tv when the 4 of us are home (which is rare). Then FIL calls bc he wants DH to give him attention. Imallouttalove for them. I’m thinking of sleeping at my sisters this weekend.

I am 70 next month, my mom will be 90 in November. I also don’t know how I will manage. My age doesn’t help either.

I have Good days and Tough days, living with my 96 yr. old father. He's still very sharp mentally, though his memory and are quickly waning. Since he's so intelligent, funny and charming and considerate most of the time, changing my interaction with him (in view of his age versus how we used to act when he was younger), has made a world of difference. I'm fairly isolated, and I suffer from anxiety and depression, but have 2 small adorable emotional support dogs. Preoccupied with the upcoming separation And thought of being saddled with all this selling and packing arrangements were overwhelming , and the lack of resources to manage on my own, has left me even more depressed. Looking into golden girls and other options and brainstorming. Because I have to contribute 75% of my monthly income and the rest to survive, I have no nest egg. My dad says he will give me a first month last month and deposit and moving expenses out of the proceeds of the house sale..m but since he's so forgetful and changeable emotionally I'm afraid to depend upon that and Plan to get that in writing and video with witnesses, along with the car being turned over to me (now in both our names), though I would then have to pick up the monthly payments and insurance. Strive for health, and have great mental and physical physicians. My biggest challenge is to get out of my funk this is not there is a rebel and actually do the things I must do, but feel Immobilized lately, able to fo the bare minimum. My dad's verbal abuse during his "episodes," has crushed my spirit and confidence, But I'm working on rebuilding that. Love this site.

I just saw your answer and I feel that way too. Another care giver posted to me to think about possible ways to make a difference in my daily situation even something small and I have been trying. Like taking a walk in the fresh air or deep breathing. I hope you can find respite for yourself in some way!

So many are like that. It's my mom who always called out the mounties if I was late to the point I stopped telling her completely where I was going. Now it is my DAD who thinks if it is 9 PM I should be home. With is being deaf he doesn't know half the time I am not even home! Check with your local area agency on aging. Ours has some funding for a respite program. It allows you time off for good behavior...no cost to you...

My dad is a sucker for these things and ignored my telling him and passing on info about legitimate causes that helped veterans. He feels very strongly, being a veteran of WWII of helping them. But you give, they keep wanting more. Because my mom has dementia and threw out the mail, including important stuff like bills etc, with Dad's blessings I had them added to my PO Box address, and we all share the same last name.
When he asked me to make a donation, sometimes I do...but I have now taken to writing remove my name from your list if it comes to the house, and I write return to sender/refused on the envelopes I intercept at the PO. It's just got to stop. I am very worried that if we lose dad and need to get help in to watch mom while I work until I can retire, that we will need all the money we can have. My mom was also constantly sending coupons in for magazine subscriptions. I begged the clearinghouses to please stop. It seems to be less now.

I am also ready for respite, but at 185.00 a pop I can’t see that happening.