Hi AC Forum,
I feel like I run the gamut of emotions on a weekly basis. I think that is a difficult side of this caregiving. Not being able to fully satisfy - or not being able to satisfy for what should be a normnal period of time. And on the same token know that each day you go down this path you just running to the finish line.
It's the craziest and horrible life as I am not able to live my life, yet I have a hard time thinking of my mom living with less. Also not being the face of which she says to at first seeing her and asking her how she is, "Better now that I see you!" Knowing that you are the comfort in their sight. Yet what it takes from one feels enormous - emotionally, monetarily, physically.
How are you doing?
LastOne
🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗 👍👍👍👍👍👍👍 No more darn cards!!!! Yippee to be free of that dreaded responsibility!
Well I did it. I spent my last day with the little lady I care for. I just can't handle dealing with two in the same mental status. Mom has definately gotten much worse in the last couple weeks with her memory, I kept hoping it was just a bad week but it isn't changing. I think it's fair to say her dementia is progressing. Memory as big as a minute or so, no recollection of recent events, I am really worried. So here I stand at the crossroads, wondering whether it is safe under these new circumstances that she be left alone for a few hours while I work? I just had a talk with her sister, she told me just to watch and see then, make a decision. *sighs*
But I'm feeling more hopeful, now that I found this site.
My mom lives with me (has for 4 years), has dementia, and was recently hospitalized, rehabbed, and returned to my house a different person. Her memory problems are now severe. I have to do almost everything for her. She was still fairly independent before becoming ill. I don't know how anyone does this long-term. Changing an adult every 2-3 hours all day, cooking, cleaning, doing bills, and medical bills, on and on, is so exhausting.
I had to laugh at the greeting card discussions. My mom was a hoarder and had thousands upon thousands of cards, all shapes, sizes, and types. She signed up for some sort of card club to get the collection really going. When I finally could start to clean out her house, I was giddy at throwing out tons of them (dusty, insect infested, etc.). She used to be very concerned with having and sending the right card, but now she has lost too much memory to even know what day it is.
Thank you, your right, it's always tough for me especially when she has nobody most of the time and she isn't aware she is being a such a pain in the rear. *HUGS*
Not sure if I mentioned I do some caregiving part time so I can keep up my knowledge of how to handle Mom and as she gets worse. Since I live in ridiculously priced California, home caregiving facilities charge about 30 an hour! Mom cannot afford it hence why I changed careers. Certainly not for the lousy salary they pay me! Anyway, I was working today for a little lady (90) who lives by herself in this big house on a hill. She is a challenge and many caregivers end up never going back. Most of the time, I am able to let her annoyances roll off my back and not take it personally but she was so bad today, I came so close to telling her I would not be returning. I told her how she was affecting me and she apologized, only to return to her behaviour a short time later. I tried to calm myself and realized she is losing her memory, control, and is becoming more easily agitated. Part of me feels terribly sorry for her, the other part of me is saying, I don't need two people in my life suffering with the same problem. Difference is my Mom is not nasty and praises me all the time. Mom is confused and argues about everything when I try reasoning with her or telling her she should not be doing something. Immediately, I am met with "No I didn't" or "Your wrong" etc. etc. For example, Mom say's, "I need _________ from the store." I say, "We just got some a few days ago." Mom, "No we did not!" It just wears you out. Am I stupid to try and handle two elderly women with confusion and dementia? Should I look for someone else who will not stress me out further or do I hang in there with her because she can't help herself?
Glad everything went smoothly, and even better the Doc was top notch! Senior Center???? Wish to God I could get my Mom to go but nooooooooo, she won't go anywhere unless I am with her, I have sincerely tried and we have a great Senior Center 5 minutes away from home too!!!! Nope, she couldn't possibly let a room full of other seniors see that she isn't perfect. *Sighs*
Yes, you can meet me in Italy, (if I ever make it) we can have Bellini's on the terrace! 🍾🍑
Thank you Rainey... I just got back fro the Dr's office with my mother... He was top notch... right on and to the point.... He said he knew replacements were in great shape and should last her lifetime... The issue for all is to not fall and reinjure or injure something else, like a hip... Now, I'm off to drive her to a senior center (which I didn't plan on)... Hi Ho Silver!!!!...
PS. Can I meet you in Italy when you get there?!!!!
I am so jealous of you now! Just the thought of a real vacation brings tears to my eyes. I wonder how many more years I will go before I can actually have my freedom and life back again. I wish you the most wonderful vacation in the world, it sounds like you really, really deserve it!!!!!! My husband's extended family have property in Italy, I keep wondering if we will ever get there.
I feel for you sweetie, I hate going to the doc with Mom, she has Kaiser and there are very few docs there that have ever really impressed me, more than half the time, I am telling them what is wrong with her while they are standing there scratching their heads! It's maddening. However, knee replacement surgery is a bit more complicated I imagine. I hope all goes well and Mom doesn't make your stress level skyrocket too much! Let me know how it went, hang in there!
My FIL has Lymphoma (in the wait and watch phase), and when he examines him, feeling for swollen lymph glands, neck, under arms and groin, and my FIL Always says things so inappropriate, like how he doesn't "use" his male organ, or how he doesn't have any "need", for women in his life anymore (he's 87 & widowed X 13+ years! It's so gross and embarrassing! He always brags about how "great" he is the "big man", but in reality, he can barely walk 20 paces, as he totally gave up doing any PT, as he had us there waiting on him hand and foot!
I am only just getting used to him not living our home (13 years), yet still, he does everything he can, to make some sort of excuse as to why my husband needs to visit him to take care of something at the Assisted living place, every single day, so no sooner is one errand completed for him, then he's thought up the next thing he NEEDS!
Yesterday it was "taking home his Rx bottle, to call in for a refill, yet he forgot to hold out a dose for that evening (thyroid med), so hubby had to take it back to him, and in reality, him missing one dose wouldn't have made one bit of difference, but No, he absolutely had to have it before bedtime, Grrr!
I have been working on getting all the ppwk for his VA Aid and Attendance benifits completed (its quite extensive and finally completed), and he has nagged about it every single day, while showing ZERO appreciation for my doing it for him. He just has this self serving entitlement issue going with him, and it makes me so angry and frustrated, that I don't even like visiting him there, it's been about 5 weeks now, that he has lived there, and not in our home with us, I'm so glad he's out of here!
I'm so hoping that he is getting comfortable there, he does seem to be, and hopefully soon, now that absolutely everything has been done to facilitate his move, made his place cozy, pictures hung, and that Still, everything is done For him by the staff, as well so us, that we can get on with the process of selling our home, and moving, and going on a nice long vacation, without worry about him!
I never thought I'd see the day that he wasn't living with us, but my God, I'm so happy he's rhe really, safe and being cared for by other, taking some of the burden off of my husband especially! So, finally coping bit better!
Once again I am howling with laughter because that is EXACTLY what I have gone through, every card had to be specialized to Son, DIL, grandson, to my sister, son and family, arrrggghhhh!!!!!!!!! If we could not find the appropriate heading, we had to go to another store until we found one that satisfied her with that personal touch. I am just giggling away (even though I sure wasn't during these card hunts) that we had the same stringent set of rules to those cards. Thought that was just my Mom again. Thanks for the morning laugh!
I get a list every other day from her on "things she needs" right after I just went shopping for her. I feel like the errand girl. She is also annoyingly passive aggressive about these things. Example: "I am going to need a few things at the drugstore soon." Me: "Mom, I just went shopping for you, why did you not mention it when we were at the store?" Mom: "Well, it's not an emergency, whenever you go out to the store again." Then I hear about the list every darn day until I finally just go get her special cookies or candies or whatever since she just can't seem to go on with life without these things. That is the maddening passive aggressive stuff I hear pretty regularly. Oh, and I can't forget to mail my Aunt's B-day card today, and get her some hair coloring and eye drops.
Reminds me of the water thing around here. Mom always used tap water, but started hating it after I came. I have to get her bottled water from the store. It's like when she was doing things, it was one standard, but after she got her slave mule she started getting more demanding. And she'll tell me she always sent special cards, not thinking about how I received her generic cards for years. I know better.