Home health bathing aides.....More like home h**l.

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As I sit here, I am again enjoying the "efforts" of the one home health bathing person whom I have repeatedly informed our nurse is not a good fit and please do not send her anymore...It is to no avail. Her constant chatter, her annoying chatter, her innappropriate chatter about all of her other "clients" and especially the men whom she is more than happy to inform me of their sexual advances towards her is, to me, unpleasant and not something I want to hear. And the bonus is that she is the stoutest one of them all and yet she is the only one who always insists that I help her....As much as I need a break this is not a break. I was worked up before she even got here just knowing how many times I have asked that this person not be sent and yet here she is .....thinking I will be dropping the bathing assistance altogether rather than put up with this crap. Does this happen to anyone else?

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Crystal, does your father still have his sense of pride? It could be that the aid took this into consideration. However, if your father truly needs on-hand care, then it's best to call the office and speak to the person in charge. Like Hope said, you may just have to be specific.

Also, I have questioned the gov't caregivers who used to come here. When I see them doing something wrong, I politely question them. "Oh, is that the way it's suppose to be done?" "But what about ...? She will end up with bad rashes." Then, the next time they do it again, I'm not as polite. "I think it's best if you do it this way," in a very firm voice. I'm open to new ways but if mine is still best for the parent and me, then I can be stubborn.
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Since I began this thread, thank God we have a different Hospice provider now. We get the same aid each day and she is excellent..so I discovered you can call the office and talk to them about what is needed...I learned they make a good bit of money from Medicare for this service and while we all know it is not easy, that is their job...so either do your job or find one that is easier on them...but if you're supposed to help...then HELP.... I hope your Dad is ok and that you are getting a better aid....keep us posted Crystal... :)
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My Dad had a stroke,a agency sent a aid to help him with a shower...She stood outside of the shut bathroom door while he showered...that is help? Forget her!
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toomuch4me...oh me....I would lose it for sure....the only positive for me is that the bathing aid only comes three days a week, each time for about 45 minutes and then she is gone...I am very happy to announce I finally was able to keep the one away who was so bossy and nasty mouthed...the one who comes now is fine. she just does her thing and goes....but in all honesty, I truly think it would be less aggravating to me to just bathe Mama myself. now that I have gotten used to how to roll her gently and the process of changing someone and bathing them when they are bedfast and cannot assist. To be honest, it makes a mess, and for some reason, bathing Mama is just more time she and I have together....since it is such a short time I will most likely let them continue to come for now, but if they stop I won't care.....we do need the nurse and I love her, but I know I could never deal with someone in this house directing me around....you're a better person than me......
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Im proud of you Hope. It is so frustrating being ordered around in your own home. I face this dilemma on a daily basis. My father's health has improved tremendously over the past year. We are grateful to our caregivers, yet the week day caregiver wants to take the gratitiude as a sign that we could never manage without her. She is here eight hours per day and you would think that I am HER employee. She decides what food is purchased, what cleaning supplies are used, you name it we follow HER orders...
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Oh my, I hope your niece is ok. The crazy part of all this is I know how hard it is to lift folks, but like I told the other aid, who does she thinks helps me all day long when they're not here? That is what I finally told the provider....I do it all day long by myself, I was told they were here to give me a small break..three times a week for about 40 minutes a whack...it's not that much time, but does just let me sit down and get a cup of coffee at least. Anyway, I told our nurse I would rather do it by myself than to be bossed around again in my own home. I also learned that I can raise the foot of Mama's bed a bit and as you mentioned, get behind the head of the bed and simply slide her to the head of the bed. I do it all the time alone so that was why I was aggravated at her ordering me to help her when she was supposed to be helping me...anyway, thankfully she is not returning. The one we used to get is the one who comes now and should the other one ever call to say she's coming instead I will simply tell her we don't need her that day. And it has been much less frustrating for me... :)
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Yesterday, my pregnant niece was babysitting my father. A home care nurse visited. Father was way down on the bed. She told niece to help her lift father up- back to the top of the bed. Now, my niece is shorter than me (I'm 4 ft 11.5 inches) The nurse is over 5'2". She's tall. I was surprised to come home and see father so high in the bed. I already knew that he's going to slide back down. I told the nurse this. She insisted and told him that this is how he's suppose to be on the bed. After the nurse left, my niece told me that her stomach is hurting. I got pissed off and lectured her. She has a manual labor job. She already told her boss of her pregnancy but her boss purposely told her that just because she's pregnant does not exclude her from performing her job. My niece had to lift several 70 lbs bag of animal feed since the shipment came in, on Friday. I told niece straight out that she needs to go to Dept of Labor and ask what's her rights as a pregnant woman doing manual labor. Have them print it down. Keep one copy for herself, and give the other to her boss. Next, is her decision to continue to do what her boss wants. And I asked her how far is she willing to keep lifting heavy objects (animal fee and her grandfather) without putting her foot down. Does she want to lose the baby? Damage her insides so that she can no longer have babies? Damage the growing fetus and have a 'handicapped' baby born? Only she can make this stand.

I'm in the same boat, whether here at home or at the hospital. The nurses or the home care nurses insist that I help lift father. It never fails, every time I help lift him, my back hurts. It would be sooooo much easier if these nurses/home care nurses think with their darn head. Go to the head of the bed, use your legs to lean against the headboard, and I will help on the side of father, and PULL him up. Why lift him - 180 lbs man to my 100 lbs? When it's so much easier to PULL him up using the darn lifter sheets! sigh..... It doesn't help, these nurses are much stronger than me. So when they lift him, they're lifter sheet is higher than mine, and all his weight falls on my end. Fortunately, I'm rarely home when the nurses visit.

I'm glad that you finally said something. I hope they do send someone else. You can also ask the alternate nurse if they know of another way of lifting your mom. Something less strainful for the back. Maybe they do have ideas but don't mention it because it might be costly, or they cannot voluntarily recommend anything due to work policy (that protects the company.) If you hop around or do a search on the top right, there are some ways of easing or moving a person from one place (bed) to another (chair), etc....
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I constantly am on the receiving end of "If someone doesnt do this or if someone does that Im not coming back.." You dont know how often I hear this on a daily or weekly basis. Its a manipulative ploy. Our Aide knows that my father thinks the world of her...so if I speak out against her actions that is her solution is to state what she is not going to do or that she will not come back. She usually targets me and my children because she feels as if I should be doing her job. Even though I have a full time 40 hr per week job of my own. Since I work from home, it doesnt count in her eyes.
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Oh Hope...I hope you are feeling better by now. What you experience is so much of what I go through every day and that is being told what to do by our Aide among other things. Many not all Im sure, have the attitude that since you are there in the home, they are doing you a favor by doing any work. Its horrible. Im happy that you stood up to her and she left. I hope she doesnt return. When you are already stressed the last thing you need in your home is someone who is uncooperative and all around bad seed.
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Oh she knew I was feeling bad, didn't matter, as long as I got on the other side of that bed and lifted Mama...like she said, if folks won't help her "she's out of there"....she won't be back...trust me :)
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