Hitting a low point. I shouldn't look at Facebook.

You can delete your sister from FB or unfollow looking in on her every so often. You can also suspend your FB acct. Then unsuspend when you are ready to view it again.

Unfollow your sister for now. What you don't see won't hurt u or get u mad.

One thing both my brothers did was thank me for what I did for Mom. But...they hardly saw her or called. My one brother, who lives 8 hrs away, told my husband he couldn't see my Mom that way. I understand but I dealt with it every day. I would love to get into peoples heads and see how they think. Why out of 3 children or more, one is expected to do it all while the rest go on their merry way. But when the parent dies, they are right there for the money that maybe left.

If you are Executor of parents wills, make sure you take your 6%. You are entitled to it.

I’m the original Facebook hater and refuse to have it at all. For my generation I believe it’s largely the “my life is better than yours” online bragsheet that I choose to live without. I’d encourage you to delete it entirely and choose instead to focus on the blessings in your life, including those associated with the care you have for your parents. Even in the long, hard road of caregiving there are good things and positives you’ll always treasure

Take a deep breath, it is all just for show. People that need to GLOAT about how wonderful things are, are just trying to compensate for how empty their lives really are... Same with me, I have 2 brothers with kids, but my husband and I are the only ones visiting my mom. You need to let the "fake news" go. It is not good for your health to get that upset, even when a lot of it is just bs..

Take pride in knowing you are doing the right thing.

Block your sister! Just block her. You can still enjoy your friends on facebook but you will not have to see her stuff at all. Just because she is "family" doesn't mean you have to deal with her. She has made her decisions. You just keep on being the good person that you are and do not allow her poison to seep into your life. You have too much going on. Once you block her, you will not see any of her posts anywhere. You can still be friends with your extended family but you will not see anything of hers on even their sites. Hugs and prayers to you.

I want you to realize that you and your sister are living in two different worlds. You are living in the compassionate and kind world and she does not. I want you to realize that you can only have her come into your world if she is going to operate according to your lifestyle. She is not able to do that for some reason; therefore, she really has no business being in your world. I have a sister and two brothers. None operate in my world; therefore, I operate according to what I believe in and I am perfectly satisfied and happy with it. An example of two different worlds is that I do not drink and don't allow alcohol in my home. They are all heavy drinkers; therefore, they do not come to my home for even a dinner!!! They cannot have a dinner without alcohol involved. So, I go to their homes and leave when things get crazy. I drive myself to events so I do not have to argue about drinking and driving. It is very calming for me have these life choices that promote my health.

The problem is she will need your kindness and compassion some day and you will probably give it to her because that is the kind of person you are. God designed you the way you are and I would celebrate that because you and I both know it is a WAY better life choice than the world she has chosen.

I can relate to seeing posts on facebook making you angry. My sister goes on at least three nice vacations a year, spends all summer at Met games while I am at the nursing home with our mom. Anytime I ask her if she can go on a weekend if I have plans I get a sorry I can't go, mom is darn lucky she gets as many visitors as she does ; it won't kill her to have no one for a day.  Such compassion.  I would love to be able to go away on a week vacation. I have not had a vacation in years since my mom got sick. She was home with me before she had to go into a skilled nursing facility after she had repeated falls and is unable to stand and barely walk without any assistance.  My brother lives in Florida and he is in his own world with his young girlfriend and baby. I am lucky if he calls his mother once a month. His girlfriend won't allow him to be on the phone when he gets in from work each night.  I just don't get how people can think its okay to let one sibling shoulder the caregiving job all alone.   Its gotten to the point where I don't even want to be around my siblings.  Any time I have asked my sister if she could go see mom on a weekend I either get no response or I can't go I am busy.  When I think how much I helped my sister when she had post partum depression with all three of her girls. I took vacation time from work to help her and stayed with her young girls when she went on a 10 day vacation to Hawaii and now I never hear from my nieces; they barely visit their grandmother who is the only living grandparent they have.  Its so hard not to let all these things get to you.  Thank god for this forum.  I think so many people deal with the same issue of having no support or help from their siblings.

Hi.
You carry so much anger within, that it can make you sick.
First know, that it is normal to harbor anger about relatives who claim to care but do nothing concrete to help, other than send prayers and good wishes. Keep your expectations low. This way, if anyone does do something helpful, it will be a pleasant surprise and you will not be disappointed with low expectations.
I sometimes feel the need to vent too, because I am chief caretaker for my mother and trying to keep her in her own home.
My sister is out of town and does very little outside of phone calling once a week. We see her maybe for 3 days every 2 years!
It is so easy to burn out. Take some ME time each day to do something positive...like reading a good book, soaking in a tub, etc.
Think about it though...are you doing what you hope someone would do for you if you needed it? Are you doing, ,what is in your heart.... the right thing? If yes, then you are acting out of love and I hope you give yourself some credit.
Stay away from Social Media too...in a study they found it can cause depression in some people.
Remember that this stage of your life will not last forever. Do the best you can, take time out for yourself, low expectations of others and remember that this too, will not last. Good luck

I have a Facebook account, but seldom go on to see anything. My wife goes on every day and sometimes lets me know what is happening with people.

I have email addresses for most of the friends and family I wish to communicate with and share things with them in an email. It takes more time to send the same message over and over to different people, but then strangers don't get to see what I am saying or the photos I am sharing.

And I can customize the email to the person I am sending it to. I don't have to send something every day either, just when I have something new to share.

It would be hard to tell on Facebook what is true and what is blather when it is being posted for many to see. Some people really have to keep building themselves up or promoting a cause or line of thinking. I find my approach eliminates a lot of that so I don't have to deal with it emotionally.

I guess some people are just wired ass backwards. My sister claims to be a Christian, but cares only for friends and only does good works when they are visible. Her God is money/success and she worships hard at these. She recently moved 4 states away from where she was and is gloating because now she has an ACTUAL excuse for not visiting her mother. When she was one state away she had to work hard to find reasons. So mom lives with me, my long suffering husband and our handicapped son. She posts FB status’ about loving everyone and being a giving person and her band of followers all think she’s great. I just snooze her for 30 days when I’ve had enough and concentrate on my own full plate of life.

I've struggled with this with my brothers and my mom's sister. I choose to ignore them as much as possible, but if they call me and start with their excuses, they hear exactly what I think. I know they won't change. I work hard to not waste energy on them. I recommend that you either unfriend your sister or block her posts so you can't see them. You shouldn't have to deal with that.

Harpcat,

My sister and I along with my brother had a decent relationship before my parents needed so much help. I believe the main reason they are turning their backs on me is because they cannot handle giving up any of their lives or time to help me or my parents.. my sister cannot handle the dementia aspect of it ... at all. All my siblings began backing away when it became obvious my dad had dementia.. and then my mom.

The one incident that made her completely turn away was when I really really needed help. My dad was in the hospital with pneumonia, my mom was at my house with bronchitis, I had a cold and a big project due at work that week. This was the one time I explicitly asked for help... my brother said it "wasn't a good time for him".. go hire someone.. this was a living nightmare for me. My sister just flat out didn't answer my calls or texts.. so relationship with them has been very strained. .. especially from that point. (almost 2 years ago)

My mom's sisters.. I believe are the same.. they don't want to face the fact that she has dementia. My mom has a sister that lives here in town that has never gone to see her in the memory care she is in.

My parents birthdays (and mine) come and go .. with no acknowledgement.. so when I see her lavishly wishing cousins who she hasn't seen in years happy birthday... it is very hard... as well as calls to pray for this or pray for that.

I know this wasn’t your question but why did your sister and other siblings turn their backs on you and their parents? We’re they never close to you or did something happen to cause a rift.
If there are things that you feel have been eating at you and you want to express to her then by all means do so. Compose a letter, hold it for a day, and if it feels right send it. Let it be heartfelt and not angry but let her know how her ignoring behavior is hurtful. Then unfollow her on Facebook unless you like getting your blood pressure up. I’ve had to unfollow a cousin who thinks we are interested in her every thought and is an "overposter" and a couple of friends who post extreme right wing crap that is absurd. Then I enjoy seeing about my friends. I agree Facebook has its good and bad points. I am in a couple of groups, one for my harp, for birdwatching, and for butterflies and those are great!

You could drop Facebook. I tried it for a year and it made me feel awful. I could see all that I was missing by living so far from my extended relatives, and it was visually messy and I was never clear what was private versus public. The "Friend", "Unfriend" and "Like" business seemed childish and I wondered why people couldn't relate to eachother directly and personally. I hated it and agree with all that SnoopyLove said.

I like that comment rocketjcat.. I'll have to remember that one.. even if it is passive aggressive.. I have lost all hope that we will ever have a relationship again anyway.

Sometimes I wish I was an only child.. I might as well be.. and I wouldn't have to know that my parents have children who don't care at all about them .

I’m an only child dealing daily with Mom now in a NH. I see my friends and inlaws posts on FB, off on their fun vacations, and think “someday”. But at least they don’t rub my nose in it and are quite supportive if me. Having a clueless sister would frost my shorts. So it depends how you want to handle this. If it got to the point where I didn’t care what I said to her, the next time she posted some inane comment on a birthday or whatever I would reply with something to the effect:
”Its always nice to see your posts so I know you’re still doing well, since I haven’t heard from you in so long. Just a reminder Moms birthday is _____, and Dads is ______. I’m sure they’d love to hear from you too.”

A little passive aggressive? Maybe, but who cares.

That was a thought-provoking video, Katiekay. Thanks for sharing it.

MountainMoose.. I was so angry yesterday when I saw my sister's posts. I just almost wrote such a message for everyone to see.  I am kind of glad I didn't as I was so angry.. i'm not sure what would have come out.

I did post the below video yesterday (not sure we can post youtube video's .. we will see.)   of course there were no likes or comments on it (as expected)... hopefully she knew it was directed at her tho.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WzaFp1QsW8Q

I do agree with the advice from others, although I must be particularly cranky this morning (very likely), but you could always respond to her posts for everyone to see. Like when she posts to pray for your brother you could post, "When did you see him last?" or, "When are you coming to see Mom and Dad? They haven't seen you in X years!", or "I could sure use your help with Mom and Dad. I've been caring for them for years by myself."

Or, for YOUR peace of mind and heart, block her and put her out of your life like she has you and your parents.

FYI: Blocking someone prevents you from seeing their posts and also prevents them from seeing your posts. You will not be able to see their comments on mutual friends posting either.

Unfollowing someone leaves them as a friend but removes them from your news feed; I use this when someone posts a lot and/or posts a lot of stuff I don't really want to see. Since they are still a friend, they can see my posts, I can see their comments on mutual friends' posts, and I can occasionally pull up their wall and look over their posts just in case there is something I would be interesting in seeing.

I agree with the popular opinion that if, in general you like FB then just block the individual that bugs you.

Like SnoopyLove - for the most part I just don’t get the appeal. My hubby goes on a couple of times a day - keeps in touch with old army buddies and family on the other side of the country. If it weren’t for FB we wouldn’t have a clue as to what his daughter is up to.

I opened a FB account so I could see pics of my step grandkids. I have all of 14 “friends” and go on about twice a month. I post even less - maybe six times a year. As well, I’ve made my page ultra private so that anybody other than my “friends” only see the header along with my name. Even then I never use a pic of myself or my home in my profile pic or the background pic.

My two brothers and their wives are constantly posting about their fabulous lives, fancy houses and luxurious vacays. After any given weekend there are multiple pics of their fab weekends. One weekend I decided to follow suit and posted pics of my weekend... The parking lot at the grocery store, the menu board at Starbucks drive-thru, the vacuum cleaner in the middle of the living room, etc. Cracked me up but I’m pretty sure they didn’t see the humor in it and my point likely went over their heads.

I have also blocked a cousin who posted dozens of times a day - usually hard-core right wing rhetoric that chapped my hide. As Jeannegibbs says - who needs it?

And - there is a way to block people without them knowing they’ve been blocked - in case you’re worried about making people ticked off.

I love FaceBook! It keeps me in touch with cousins and school mates and current friends. I wish more of my immediate family were on FB.

But I have gradually learned to exert some control over what I see. I no longer see ads for quack diabetes cures. I have unfriended just a couple of people because their bigotry is disgusting to me. I have a friend who shares beautiful photographs I love to see, but I skip all of her religious posts. I've never dropped anyone because of their political views, but I have dropped a few who express their views in very hateful terms. Who needs that?

The internet brings us an amazing assortment of material. It is up to us to pick out the pieces that are uplifting or informative or useful to us. No body can take in ALL the information that comes at us.

In your case, katiekay, I suggest you either simply stop visiting FB altogether, or you at least block the people whose posts make you unhappy. Who needs to invite unhappiness into our homes? Enough comes in without our permission!

As SnoppyLove says, "If it's not serving you, why not get rid of it?"

You could friend me on FB, and we could share lovely sunrise pictures. But opt out of disturbing connections.

I may be some sort of weird outlier and I'll admit I am an introvert without huge amounts of interest in other people unless they are actually right in front of me but. . . I have NEVER understood the appeal of Facebook. NEVER. And their headquarters is a couple of towns over from me and their influence is all over my area. This thing has made a lot of people fabulously rich. I just don't get it.

Apparently, there are studies showing increased negative moods, depression, etc. in a lot of people linked to use of Facebook. If it's not serving you, why not get rid of it?

I have a twisted like that. Her posts of wonderful trips, etc. Really got to me when doing all the 24/7 work with mom. I blocked her, not even tempted to try to see what she is up to. Once in awhile I will see her posts when she is patting my kids on the back for something.

You just need to decide whether you want to hurt yourself by following her or even checking her page.