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But you are not going to believe it but my mother and I are going to Las Vegas in October. For my parents 45 we sent them there for the very first time. They went 5 more times. I am excited for her to see Wayne Newton. Not so sure about me. Anyway Lee and I got away for a few days. We went to mammoth cave national park in June. Well I actually have two questions. First, this came up again and it really hurt. Someone said that you know when you talk about your mom or father in law people don’t care. It’s just between you and lee and your mother or bob. That’s what my friend was basically saying to me. So I guess I have learned a lesson. So I am really making sure of what I share and that really hurts me. I don’t know if this was the right thing to do but I took on a sponsee. I will tell you one thing I definitely don’t think about what is going on with me. She is helping me but she has a lot going on but all I can do is take her to meetings, work the steps and take her through the book. But she is not in a place to work the steps. Anyway, my question is have any of you experienced anything like someone saying that they don’t really care about what is going on with really you. Second thing is, my therapist asked me if I was lonely. You know I really had to think about it but the answer is yes. I have realized how much lee and I are growing apart. Not anything really bad but he is distracted with the farm and work and I am not present either. We are going to make each other a priority. Have any of you felt like this with your significant other. I mean you are not going to believe it but my mother hired someone to cut the grass while we were gone. The plumber did all new plumbing the day we got back but now lee has to finish the shower and I am cutting the grass now. I don’t know if this makes any sense. I have really missed you all. Love you guys

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yes thank you all. I have gotten a lot better when he said that no one cares about what is happening with your mom. I did say okay and i did say you haven’t seen me in a very long time and my sponsor was sitting there and i said you can ask her i don’t go there anymore. A few months ago, i think i posted about it. Anyway, my other Friend said that she wanted to just talk about what i was doing for the day and like keep it light she didn’t want to hear about my mom l. So okay. I have just went with it and I haven’t really talked about anything with her or my fil. But that really confused me because she is supposed to be my best friend and I was really hurt and I felt like i was walking on eggshells. Then it was that I have an amazing memory. And she doesn’t about her family or life. I can’t help that it’s just who I am and I have felt a lot of attacks on who I am when I finally like myself today. I told her and she was like I meant it’s not wrong its we are different. She has been telling me what is wrong with me and lee and our lives. It’s weird we go grocery shopping together, it’s been working for 31 years. So I brought this up for discussion and I am glad I did because she didn’t know she was doing that. I thanked her for bringing something to my attention if I maybe talking about something more than i should. It’s just when my life was just 24/7 being there for my mom and her bills and then the brother. Honestly there was no time for anything else in my life. I know i have grown a lot through all of this. Everything we are all going through in our life we are going through for a reason and we may not know what that is and we may never know. But there is a reason why and I know that everything that had happened to me in my life and the people who have been in my life have all been there for a reason. I know I am who I am because of this and I know that I grow with everything I go through and through the people too. We become stronger and we may learn what we need to do differently next time. Like right now I know lee and I need to have some special time together. I have learned to step back and take a breath and to ask god for his guidance. I don’t have to react and I am proud of myself for that. I never once reacted to my brother and what he said. Even when he said really really hurtful things. What good would it have done. He was in such a crazy place. I pray for him and his family for health happiness and peace. So that I was proud of. But you know when you are in the middle of all this you feel like you are never going to get through it. But as you stated Alvadeer you do get through it. You have a new normal. That is what life is it’s constantly changing just like we are. If that didn’t happen we would never learn and grow. And I will say helping my new sponsee is helping me more than I feel it’s helping her. Plus it’s a process and I am learning to put up boundaries with her so I have balance in my life the best i can. It’s a pretty crazy mess but I know i was a mess when I came in to the program. However, I cannot want recovery more for her than she does. She has to do the work. I am there to share my experience strength and hope. Take her through the big book and work the steps. But it really has helped me and so have all of you. Words cannot express how grateful i am for all of you. Your experiences and strength and hope help me. Thank you. We can do this together. Love ya
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Vegas, how fun! Good for you! I am glad to hear that you are doing this.
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Wayne Newton is still performing?!? I felt like you did when I saw him 25 years ago, but he is a fabulous entertainer and it was one of the best shows I have ever seen. Hopefully he is still amazing and you enjoy it. October is a beautiful time in Vegas, I was born and raised there, fall is awesome.

I have to say that I think friends, real friends let one another vent and share life and all that entails, saying nobody really listens says a lot about the friendship or lack thereof.

Marriage is like life, ups and downs, ins and outs, it is good you guys are making an effort to not drift apart.

You sound great staff, that is awesome! Hugs!
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We all need to talk. And we really don't know each other personally so not able to say something to someone you know.

A sponcee meaning you are helping someone else. Sometimes we heal by helping someone else.

The last few years have been caring for other people. You personally have been on a roller coaster ride. And I think u have done well. Yes, u and husband need time to yourselves. Great that u got away. Now, maybe set a night or day for a date. Get someone to sit with Mom.
You both have been thru a lot. You just have to make ur marriage a priority.
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I think when we are going through things it kind of becomes the story, our story. And so we tell it automatically. It kind of surprises me, that coming from a friend. And I wonder if you can talk more with the friend. Say that it kind of hurt you because the whole thing is what you life basically IS for the most part. And when we talk with friends we hear about their lives and talk about our own. If you really value this person's opinion you might ask if it seems as though you talk about nothing ELSE. Discuss that with your therapist. Maybe you do need to reach out a bit more to remove from what honestly is the main and most important part of your life right now. It can be enlightening to hear something like this and really think about it, think about its relevance to our lives. But the initial thing is kind of like a hard right to the jaw. It is shocking. It sets you back and makes you want to say "I am telling you about my LIFE. If you don't want to know about my LIFE perhaps you aren't the friend I thought you were." I just think you are now doing in a really rational manner what is the only BEST thing to do, and that is just sit with it and think about it. I know when my brother first became ill I thought that my life and his own was over, that all that remained was a long slow downward slide. I thought I would never be happy again. It happened mid February and I am now seeing that, yes, life can be decent again, if full of change and more worries. There still is beauty in the world, and book, and my guy, and a little old dog curled on the bed, and true crime podcasts. And life can go on. Not the same, but can go on. Wishing you the best.
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