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This is a long rant I'm sorry, I just don't know where else to let it all go.


At the beginning of this year my family had gotten an apartment with my mother in law. We were paying the bills evenly until my husband lost his job. Then for two months my in law covered the rent while I finished my schooling. Then as soon as I finished and started my new job she somehow got it into her head that I had $1200 in my bank account already and that I'd have no problem with covering the rent on my own. By this time it was already a week past our rent payment. I spoke with my husband and told him that I don't have the money she thought I did. Fast forward to my pay day and my check is small. I can't pay the rent. Meanwhile we're getting warnings and eviction notices. I barely have half the rent by then. Meanwhile my in law wins 5 grand at the casino. She wants to move into a new apartment, first on her own, then with us then with her daughter. I'm upset because she won't just go half with me on the late payment and then we'd be okay for the next payment. This causes her to throw a tantrum and she picks up this metal pole that goes to a shelf; she begins smacking herself in the head with the bar until she's bleeding. She's screaming and then gets up silently and goes to the bathroom to take pictures of the blood that's now streaming down her face. Ever since then we've been in the process of packing our things up, now anytime she can't find anything she runs into my room and starts going through my things to see if I've stolen it. She had $2,000 in her bag and got paranoid that it was in our room so she came in again one early morning and began sobbing to my husband that her money was missing and that it had to be in our room.


I'm not sure how to deal with my in law. I think she has a lot of mental problems and I can't handle it anymore. Anything I do is a problem, if I pick up the dirty washcloth she likes to leave on the kitchen floor then I'm dirty because natives don't know how to clean. If I have any food in the freezer she'll say it's making the fridge stink and I won't throw my food out because black people eat bad. She picks at my race a lot. Of course I had no clue because she wouldn't say it in English. I don't know I guess I'm just frustrated because I know this is going to hurt my rental history. She literally won some money and dumped every body. I'm happy that my son is only 1 so he has no idea what's going on though.

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To answer your question would your ex's landlord sued the 3 of you for back rent & did a background would they send your MIL back because she has no papers?

First of all, it depends if it goes to civil/criminal/small claims court. It would depend on how much you owe on the rent. In my state anything under 3000.00 would be filed under small claims court and that is it. No need for a background ck.
If the rent was a big amount than it could go to civil or criminal, most of the time unpaid rent goes to small claims or civil court. I have seen unpaid rent go to criminal but it is very rare, and there is more to the case.
Secondly, your landlord would have no reason to do a background ck, and it cost money to do a background ck. The only reason to do one is for a criminal case. So I highly doubt it!

Someone here posted that your MIL sounds like she has broaderline personality disorder and I would have to agree. Granted I am not a Psychological, but from what you have said about her sounds about right. People with BPD are very self-center, selfish, they love turmoil, want to be the center attention, have no empathy, no sympathy, and a few can be down right dangerous. By the way you CAN NOT win or make someone with BPD happy! It just doesn't happen.

You should not have your son around her; you shouldn't be around her either!

You got some good advice here and if I was you I would take it. Don't ever be left alone with her, and please God don't leave your son with her either.

Wish you the best of luck.
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Margaret, I think they got evicted.. she says since they got evicted the 16 YO is living with her new boyfriend.. Not sure where crazy MIL is at
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It sounds as though you have moved out of the place where MIL is still living, but you are still liable for the rent. You don’t want to go into debt over this, contact the Landlord and try to get out of it. Or a free legal service. Don’t let her ruin you financially!
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We've moved back with my own family since then. I have not seen her since. She has been periodically blowing up my husbands phone though for petty things; this morning she called sobbing to ask him if I had taken her box of underwear??? Mind you we are absolutely nowhere near the same size at all. Like WHY would I want your underwear woman? Another time she called demanding him to drive all the way to her place and help her with translating something when she has a daughter who lives way closer. That's another thing, she kisses her daughters feet. This 16 year old girl has no guardianship what so ever. I had to give her the sex talk and how to be smart about taking care of herself with peer pressure and all that when she came home with a boyfriend. If the daughter wants money and my inlaw didn't want to give it to her well she'd roll her eyes and say something smart and my inlaw would literally have a break down on the floor before proceeding to throw her money at her daughter. Now since being evicted the 16 year old is living with her brand new boyfriend. My mom would knock all kinds of sense into me if I ever tried to run off with a man at 16.

When I first met her she was just fine and very nice to me. She is very prejudice against black people so when she found out that her son was dating a black woman she was upset. Upon meeting me however she was kind? After the death of her husband she changed her tone though and became very nasty and tempermental.

Living with her was like walking on eggshells, anything and everything would send her into an argumentative state. Once the kitchen was cleaned and organized and she got upset and pulled everything back out and all over the counter just to complain about how dirty it was the next day. Another time I had a job and agreed to help pay some of the bills. So the bills would be split 3 ways. An argument broke out because she was demanding one whole pay check from me and another from my husband to add to her money pile. When we refused and tried to clarify on what we would cover so it would be more fair she became angry and "tripped" on this metal bookshelf once again causing herself to bleed heavily. This was the first time I had seen her do this and I was very alarmed. Her children however were not, they told me that they had grown up seeing her do crazy things like that when she didn't get what she wanted. My husband just shuts her out mentally when we're around her, his sister does the same thing. Their family bond is very strained and stressed.

We all placed our names on the lease too, she's always threatening to go back to Vietnam when she's angry; so I'm wondering if they take us to court over the rent if they'll run a background check on her and just ship her back because she has no paperwork.
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OK, so she is self harming and taking pictures.. you DO know what is coming next, right? You need to protect yourself and your family. The next time she is hurting herself YOU need to be snapping a pix, and then you all need to call 911 cause she is bat crap crazy, and she's going to blame you! You say she does not speak English, and is against you because you have dark skin ( not sure if you are black or native,)doesn't really matter except there is some prejudice in the mix now too. What does your hubs say about this? It is sure not safe for your child.
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The fact is that many older people were brought up with more discrimination - against people of colour, in fact any foreigners, gays, transgenders, Roman Catholics, etc etc etc. Part of dementia and ageing is about going back to the past, and the past includes these attitudes. It would be a help for you to take into account that this IS about the past. I am sure you would know already if this was how she thought at your first meeting. However, for you it is about the present. I really think that you need to limit your contact with her as much as you can. You would be a saint to write off racist abuse today, even if you can understand.
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You gotta get away from her she’s got some very bad mental issues just try and find a way to pay your rent and get away from her it sounds like she has borderline personality disorder which is very dangerous to be around and you do not want your son around that and honestly see if you can apply for gov assistance to help with renting because if it’s just you working you should be able to qualify get away from that crazy lady that’s just terrible
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Moving out is the best thing. 5 grand won't last long. 2k is a lot to have in an apt. I think she needs to be evaluated. But...good luck getting her to a doctor. Are you all on the lease?
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