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I am taking care of my mom for the pass 2 year and it is really getting to me ,she has dementia and to me being with her everyday is hard you see i don't really like my mom i left home at 17 and never really looked back i went for visit but thats it she is and was a every hateful person now i am the only one here for her my sister works and has no time for her,she can not be left alone ,i moved her in with me and take care of her but it is not good enough for her she feels i own her she is every hateful to my grandkid and they are my heart but i don't see them that much ,my mother is hateful with everyone she see and it hard for me to have fun with them,she has little money and i have no money my saving gone now ,everytime i leave her with someone she dose hateful things talks and whole lot poop thanks for listening

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helpneeditterri, I really feel your pain. My screen name used to be Wondergirl, but after several years of making sure my mom is cared for, and caring for my husband, a cancer survivor with many problems, I am just burned out. My mom is narcissistic, too and unfortunately the dementia seems to make them worse...it's all about them. Nothing we do is ever good enough. Have you consulted an attorney who specializes in elder law to see what your options are, i.e., Medicaid, etc...your mom is only going to get worse, and eventually will need to be placed in a nursing facility. You have to take care of yourself, first, in order to take care of anyone else. I learned that the hard way. Stay in touch. This site has been a life saver for me, and there are lots of people here in the same boat. Hugs.
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Call the area on aging and ask for a needs assessment and suggestions on housing for her. It's not your sisters or your grandkids or even your place to care for your mom. She is an individual and needs to be assessed on her own to see what alternatives you can find. This might take awhile so don't put it off. Whether you actually find alternate housing and place her or not, the search and shift of focus will change the dynamics of what you are feeling now. You will know you do have alternatives. She will know you have alternatives and she has alternatives. Your mom will still need you to be an advocate for her and to visit but you will be better able to manage your own life and enjoy your extended family. You can do this. You just have to get started.
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Crazy? Yeah, I think so. The first crazy thing you did was move mom in with you, expecting a different kind of relationship than you had always had with her. Fortunately this kind of craziness does not have to be permanent. You can correct your mistakes. Take the advice of 97yroldmom. Get a needs assessment to determine what level of care your mother needs, help her apply for the financial assistance she will need, and move her out. Visit her as often as you care to. Just don't try to care for her in your home. That is just crazy under the circumstances.
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