I care for my husbands 98 yr old grandmother w/Alz. And we get no help from my MIL. Grandma is up at night just about every hour all night long! I also care for a 2 and 4 year old (not mine) Plus I have two kids still at home of my own, one is still in HS. On wednesdays my MIL would take grams to the club but since she came here she has a 92 yr old come pick her up, and on club day she would set up grams dr. apts so she didn't have to pick her up she would take her from the club to the drs. and then drop her off back here. But getting her up in the morning was getting harder and harder. Harder and her and myself! I would have to get her up at 6:30am and i would be like fighting with her to get out of bed! She would say shes sick and so on. Then once you got her out you would have to stay right on her because she would fall asleep while eating breakfast, washing, and dressing! All this to have her out the door by 8am. Now the kids are back to being dropped off at 5:30am so I;m up getting them and putting them back to bed ans hope that when grandma gets up she don't wake them, (she bangs into everything and is loud! she thinks she quiet!) And then the kids are up by 8-8:30 if grandma didn't wake then earlier! So I told my MIL that its too hard on me to be getting up and down every hour at night, to wake up @ 5:30 for the kids and then to go through all that with grandma. I told her she could make her Dr's. apts another day, its just to hard to function the rest of the day! And now I find out she told my husband to tell me that grandma has a Dr's apt wed, and the lady will pick her up for the club since she has an appt.!!!!! What a bitch!! She has no clue how dam tired I get taking care of her mother and her grandkids (2 and 4 yr old thats not mine!) I've been waiting for so long for karma to come back and kick them in the ass, that if I don't see that soon I'll kick their ass's myself!!!
So, you have to take control. Start with your husband. He should be pitching in tremendously. If not, you need to set a time limit on when the MIL will pick up grams. Unless you plan on adopting the little ones, send the kiddos back to the family where they belong or find them a great new family who will give them a permanent home. (are the authorities in your area aware that you are taking the children in?)
Bottom line: take care of yourself. Everyone said that to me when I arrived here a year ago and it is TRUE. I had so much stress at the end of 2010 with caring for my Mom and other drama, that I thought I would not make it and it took a toll on my body.
Make these changes sooner than later.
As long as you continue doing all of this, why would anyone pitch in to help?
It is one thing to be the family rock, it is quite another thing to be a doormat. It sounds like you are doing so much and just aren't getting the cooperation you need from your mother-in-law, your sister-in-law, and unfortunately your husband as well.
You are taking care of all of his family from the cradle to the geriatric stage and it sounds like not even getting common courtesy in return.
The example of a simple scheduling switch to allow you more time in the morning for your sister-in-law's children to settle down and let grandma sleep was too much for your mother-in-law to adjust to? It is hard to believe someone could be that dense and uncaring for your situation.
If your mother-in-law can't be part of the solution, she definately should have a care NOT to be part of the problem.
When you are burned out there isn't much of a difference between being the family rock...or the family doormat both can be very wearing situations for the caregiver.
/hugs to you! I hope things get better, you need some rest.
So what does your husband do while all this is going on? Is he laying around emasculated? After all, it's HIS mother and HIS grandmother. And what about the parents of those 2 & 4 y/o who aren't yours? Don't they have a home?
Baby, it's time for you to take charge instead of being everybody else's slave. Otherwise you'll end up in a psych ward and no one's going to visit except to rag you about what you're no longer doing for them.
Take your home and your life back. Talk to your husband about putting grandma in a nursing home; get your MIL out of your system; and send the two little ones back to their parents. Focus on your own well-being, your children, and what's left of your husband. ... Right now you're burned out and running on fumes, so restore your sanity quickly and don't take s__t from anybody anymore.
Good luck my Queen.