I'm looking for help for my husband who is now the sole caregiver for his mother. I've read several discussions here and I'm so impressed and touched by the amount of compassion and great advice shared here. I am really looking forward to your help.
My husband's mother is very sick, physically disabled, and needs assistance with daily living. She lives at home by herself after refusing to stay with/being tossed out by her daughter several months ago. Her daughter has completely extricated herself from any participation in the care of her mother.
My husband now goes to his mother's apartment every day, several hours before work (he works nights) to tend to her daily needs, and then returns to her apartment after work before coming home, to do the necessary chores and clean up. Two nights every week he stays over (she lives over an hour from us) so he can get her ready and bring her to the doctor's for her early twice weekly treatments, necessary appointments, and to pick up her prescriptions.
Unfortunately, lately she's been extremely difficult, uncooperative, oppositional, argumentative, and has actually accused him of hitting her, which of course he hasn't. She doesn't want his help but unfortunately she's not able to function safely on her own. She is convinced she is fine by herself and will not consider the assistance of a home health aide.
My husband's dilema: how to keep mom safe and well cared for, get her to her appointments, run her errands, without aggravating her further (particularly since she's making false accusations of being hit by him). Also, what could happen if he calls in a professional, mental health or otherwise, and to retaliate, his mother repeats her delusions of her son hitting her (which may explain why her daughter is no longer in the picture)? That can't be uncommon for a very angry, very sick, very difficult patient. Any suggestions?