I am at my wits end now. I have tried to do everything to keep my ridiculously impossible father with COPD and dementia happy and honor his wishes to not put him in a home, but he's more and more demanding and I don't know what to do,
He was hospitalized over the weekend with Pneumonia (again) and since then he's been IMPOSSIBLY clingy. Be mindful, this guy is the most despicable man on the planet and I'm one of the few of his family that puts up with his crap...yet I digress.
I spent all weekend by his bedside... sleeping on the FLOOR and holding his hand. I even sacrificed Monday and Tuesday nights to stay with him only to get about 6 hours sleep total because HE WON'T SLEEP!!!! Finally, much to Daddy's dismay, my BF stayed with him and sent me home to get some sleep. BF told me he had to unplug phone to keep Daddy from calling me.
So, here's the deal. Daddy is in an IL facility and goes to Adult Day care during the day. I have a caregiver to come in mornings and evenings to prepare meals and provide companionship, etc. It's EXPENSIVE... around 5,500 a month.... now Daddy says he wants someone with him at night because he gets lonely... that's code for he wants ME to do it...
(Whining) I DON'T WANT TO!!!!!! When did it become my responsibility to give up my whole life to take care of a miserable old grump that drives me completely bananas?
I think full AL is the only economical answer. Overnight care is ridiculously costly and I've already lost my job due to my lack of performance since this all started...
This is terrible to say, but sometimes I wish God would just take him...
It was ludicrous to keep paying for both, so I moved him to a much cheaper apartment and get some help with meal prep and getting him to and from the Adult Day Center. He then decides that he doesn't want to be alone at night. I have NO desire to do the overnight thing (he doesn't sleep) so I hired someone to stay with him overnight. He complained about the price.
He doesn't WANT to understand that I don't WANT to be with him all night. I've lost my job, my boyfriend, had to sell my car and my house is now in foreclosure. I'm OVER this...
If your dad gets his way and takes you down too, where will he be then? He won't care, because it's still going to be all about him all of the time. You HAVE to protect yourself and your health and your sanity because your dad won't.
If your dad is with others, he won't be so focused on you. ALF is NOT like a dungeon! They're nice places with lots of activities and others to give your dad some new outlets. Investigate them and get him into one, so you can be his daughter and not his nurse, babysitter, around-the-clock carer! You need a break too.
I have read many times on these forum where a grown child will promise not to place a parent into a continuing care facility... of course back then the parent probably was healthy and mobile. Think of it this way, you want the BEST for your Dad, and if that means placing him in assisted living, then do it.
I also had lost an outstanding job that I had for decades because of all the time I had taken off to help my parents, and my parents weren't even under my own roof nor I under theirs. It was all the appointments, grocery shopping, running errands, etc. that made headquarters notice that my position should be eliminated as my work had been distributed to others.