I went to visit mom in '07 in So CA. I did this often as my profession required that I only work approximately 12-14 days per mo. Most often, I would tell my parents I was coming for a visit and they would pass the information to my sister.
Dad died in '93 but mom continued to tell sister when I planned a visit. I assumed mom would tell sister when I planned to visit in Oct 07. I arrived late evening after a long drive. No one is permitted to call sisters home after 9 p.m.
Upon arrival mom showed me her stomach. Months prior we knew mom had a hernia. When I saw mom she looked 4 or 5 mo pregnant. I was scared to death.
Papers were strewn everywhere, unpaid bills, bill that were paid twice, collection letters and more. Not one piece of food in the house except for jar of mayonaise expired in the fridge.
The following morning mom had a list of things for us to do which was typical. I spent many days at multiple malls with mom when I visited, along with a stop at Starbucks etc. On this occasion she also wanted to go to her bank as her local branch had closed. Mom stated she wanted to close her account. I knew all of her retirement checks and SS check was deposited into the account and I explained to her that until we changed that she would not be able to close account. She persisted nevertheless.
I always went to the bank with mom when I visisted typically because she wanted to obtain some cash for coffee's lunch. Sometimes I waited in the car, sometimes I went in. When I stayed with my father in 89 for over 30 days (family leave act) because my mom was in the hospital as she had a cerebral hemmorage. Dad and I went to the bank everyday. The trips weren't necessary but he wanted to go frequently anyway. I paid all of my parents bills while mom was hospitalized as dad did not know how to write checks.
Post mom's thyroid surgery and nissen fundoplication surgery wherein I was nursemaid for 30 days or more (family leave act again) I had to pay bills again and do mom's banking. In the first few recovery days she would not go with me as she didn't feel up to it. I did all of her grocery shopping and to pay for the items she provided me with her atm card. Occcasionally, I would buy some food items that I liked but it was minimal. During one surgery I used her atm card to purchase a blender as mom's food had to slide now the esophagas so I had to puree/liquify foods.
In 07 mom and I ended up at her bank for the reason stated above. We were sitting at a table with a bank representative. There were no papers or monies on the table. Brother in law walked in and the air grew thick. We said hi but he was not joyed by seeing me./us. He left.
When mom wore me out for the day, we returned to her place. Like always I called my sister to say hi, which usually involved arranging when I would get together with her. This time was different as I needed to tell her about mom's stomach and disarray in mom's home.
Sister laid into me, ranted and raved and accused me of sneaking into town and taking mom;s money. She would not let up. Nothing I said was being heard. I was tired from having just driven 12 hours (and prior to the drive I had worked all week). Mom's stomach situation was not normal so I gave up arguing with sister and simply stated I am taking mom home (No. Ca) with me. She threatened nothing better happen to her.
My sister was so loud and so mean that I was crying...(sister didn't know I was crying) which made my mom cry. Mom was early mid stage Alzheimer's I know in retrospect now...the incident was very upsetting for mom who was never a cryer.
It's been 6 years now and it has gone from bad in 07 to worse. The stomach was mom's intestines. Surgeron urged quick surgery as he did not know if he could put the intestines back in mom's body cavity (that's how large the stomach was). I offered to return mom home for surgery. Sister would not respond to my email so as suggested, mom and I proceed to get me POA (so I could make medical decisions since she would be here with me for the surgery). Once that was in place mom had the surgery.
Naturally, mom wanted to go home. Multiple emails were sent to try to work that out with sister. I had to have some help from sister as it was apparant mom should not be living alone unless and until....no responses to my emails except for more blame).
In a final email my sister asserted "you have POA you figure it out" (where mom should live.
A final email from sister said "do not contact me again."
I contacted sister one more time vi a phone. Brother in law got on the line and expected me to drive to So CA immediately to put their names on mom's bank account. When I said I would do so but couldnt do so this week (did I mention I had a full time job?) he hung up on me.