I have heard it called "compassionate deception" or "fibbing" when we must avoid telling too much to people with Alzheimer's. My dad is 80, and I am managing all of his finances, taxes, etc. including filing a lawsuit against a company that took advantage of him once he became ill. He really can't do any of this, but he constantly asks me about his files. I know I am doing the right thing, but it is tough dealing with his repeated questions. He used to be the one that understood all this stuff, and now I have to lie to him about what I am doing to try to protect him. I feel really terrible for saying this, but I almost wish he would forget even more and then he might stop worrying.
My Mom was doing just fine with the way she had everything set for the future back in 2004.
Then the prodigal daughter returned, the one who disappointed her the most over the years.
When Mom's Alzheimer's started, my sister convinced Mom I was the terrible one and trying to take everything from her money to her house.
Ffunny thing, no one could find the Durable POA that Mom had signed back in 2004 naming me to take care of everything for her.
Enter sister who convinced her to change things. After 10 yrs living in Mom's house, she up and leaves. Then I am told I need to take care of everything now!!
I needed Mom to place her thumbprint on the copy of the Durable I had from 2004. This woman was like watching the Exorcist, I kid you not.
This began in April, now I am her guardian/conservator and she doesn't remember who I am.
I think your Mom is at this point. She is saying things to your Father and all he hears is his wife telling him what to do, can't separate the reality from what is locked in his mind.
I would just let her talk and say her piece. The only way she or dad can revoke is to have a new one prepared, who's going to take your place?
If dad has 24/7 care....beware that this could be coming from one of the caregivers.