Have you read the book 'Polka-Dot Bath' by Marklyn Beck?

I appreciate the knowledge of a book referral. I understand why some of us in the thick of it or still healing from what our souls can never unsee don’t want to read it - but I think if there is one thing that I have learned from this journey it is that people like us existed all along and none of us knew it. I’m actually ashamed that I was oblivious to the needs of family or friends who needed maybe more from me. I think that for me and everyone who has been part of mine and moms journey now knows it exists and maybe will help them ask themselves harder questions as well as see people in their own lives who maybe they didn’t see before. I feel that I have learned to see the hardships of others around me and how it can affect the entire family. I hope in the future some family will be so grateful that I show up and can give them time off or an hour away from a difficult day because I truly do understand all the ugly involved and I’m not afraid of it. I hope one day to offer myself to a family who has a loved one at home or even offer to check on and spend time with someone in a facility so they can breathe for a few hours. I lived through those nightmare places the first few months of my mothers stroke - (for someone at her level of care - I never saw a place capable with every person correctly trained 24/7 for higher level of care - not even in a hospital) and though I am so saddened and angry by what I saw - I am also grateful to now have knowledge. This journey has hurt - saddened me - and changed me forever. But it also made me see the people “who have stayed” and gave me clarity on those who left - it has allowed me to really see others in need in and what I can do to help one of them in the future and truthfully though it has made me so disappointed in my country - it has also lit a fire in me that when I come back from my moms journey - I will 100% advocate for someone else. When I’m not 24/7 care for my own mom - I will be honored to join in helping another one of us that I now know “do exist”.
i may not have time to read an actual book right now lol but when I do I hope this will be on my list;)

I wonder what the Chinese are doing... think about the 1 Child Policy they had in force for decades. One child/2 parents for a vast majority of the population in a culture where the tradition is to care for your elders personally. Then, there's the fact that they aborted a huge number of female babies (so fewer males getting married, therefore more single men caring for 2 parents).

I think the state of elder care is pretty much the same all over the world, it's just that the Western world has more elderly and fewer young to care for them. This problem is going to get worse unless they are successful at building robots that can actually take over some of the care-giving duties (hopefully without glitches).
These jobs are difficult but do not require a high level of skill or education so they do not command high salaries. Plus higher pay for workers would push the cost of care even higher. Government only makes things worse with all it's incompetence and waste, so that is clearly not the answer. As the great Thomas Sowell says, "There are no solutions; there are only trade-offs." We have to keep doing the best we can with what we have and hope for innovations and medical advancements in the future.

Cwillie, you know Elon, the Google guys, Thiel, etc. are throwing billions of dollars into anti aging research to prevent the population demise. It is actually quite interesting and a forward thinking perspective. The alien thing is prettty entertaining because you know, if they were on Earth, he would know, at least that is what he says. If you ever have time, you should check it out, he is very odd and sounds like a robot somtimes though.

I just believe the shock value, nursing home books guilt people. There is nothing wrong with informed decisions but they are not a solution.

LOL Stacy.

It's good not to bury our heads in the sand but I think anyone who hasn't heard or seen shocking things about the state of elder care in the Western World must be wilfully ignorant because these stories are everywhere, especially since covid has ravaged those facilities. I don't think placing a cherished family member in an AL or NH is often the preferred choice, but the unfortunate reality is that some people need more care than can be given at home. Modern lifestyles and medical intervention have combined to keep very compromised people with high needs living for so many years (or decades) that it is unsustainable for family caregivers, some of whom are elderly themselves and trying meet the needs of parents that are nonagenarians or older.

No, I have not read the book. I also will not. I have a person in my house that needs a nursing home and I doubt any "shocking stories" would compare to the stories she has put people thru or change my mind.

When you have someone in your home and it is beyond 24/7, it is like 48/7, the last thing you want to read is about that. I much prefer listening to Elon Musk podcasts about aliens while trying to figure out if he is AI. It is a pleasant distraction.

I doubt I'd even bother to read such a book; so many people have their own interpretations which may reflect their own noninvolvement, too much involvement, lack of understanding, or whatever.   

I wouldn't read economic analyses by someone who's lost money from poor investments; I'd read (and do read) books  by those who actually practice in the field.

Timetotellit, I don't mean to criticize you; every person has his/her own approach, and it's easy to read something with strong points and take it as truth.

I suspect you've had some negative experiences, and for that I'm sorry for you and your family.

cwillie, sadly, I think you are absolutely right, spot on, that "these kind of tell all books and exposés have limited appeal" as well as your comment "those who don't do not see any reason to know".
Funny, considering we are all stepping towards old age from the moment we are born. We KNOW it's coming. Yet...
However, I must differ on "those of us who have had someone in a facility already understand all of their shortcomings". They are no doubt aware of some "shortcomings", but even those involved on a near daily basis have no clue.
Oma, a wonderful lady whose story is told in the book, is a typical example. Her enormous and loving family were constantly involved... highly attentive... strong advocates for her... yet she suffered needlessly, died a miserable and untimely death...
Awareness is crucial.
God bless you!

Am I likely to feel sadder than I already do after visiting my mother in the NH she is in? The review almost sounded whimsical.

Are you here to promote book sales? If not, why not give us an idea of what the book addresses? Thanks.

Since it was just published in October I doubt that many here have read it, even on Goodreads there is only one review.
I think that the reality is that these kind of tell all books and exposés have limited appeal - those of us who have had someone in a facility already understand all of their shortcomings, and those who don't do not see any reason to know.