Have been ma's personal caregiver since 2012. She had suspected TIA on October 30th 2025. She was 99, and passed away 20 days later.
Although ma was 99 she was quite strong. She was walking with her walker and cane in our apartment. She was walking to the restroom of course with my assistance always shadowing her. She was eating three meals enjoying her coffee and enjoying her classic movies. I'm am feeling pain and empty inside. She passed away just 20 days later. I feel in complete shock and broken inside. I loved her so much . She was not only my best friend, but she was my world. I am feeling regret now for calling 911 when she was not responding to my questions on October, 30th. I keep thinking that perhaps everything she went through in those 10 days in the hospital perhaps wore her system down. She was a very petite woman 4'10 and 103 lbs.. she did have hypertension , thrombocytopenia ( low platelets), but her hospital stay caused her to experience intense delirium, lack of mobility, disruption of her routines, The hospital-associated Complications (HAC) The only way I could bring ma home was hospice where she only stayed with me for 10 days.
You will always feel regrets no matter what. The I "should have, would have, could have", dilema haunts us all.
You will miss her for a certainty. But what happened is not your fault.
Take comfort knowing you did your very best. Take comfort knowing that your mother is no longer suffering.
You do need to process your grief. It will take time. But none of this is your fault. Experience and process your sadness, and get help for it, but do it without self-blame. Work over time on letting the happy memories comfort you rather than guilt you.
You're punishing yourself and blaming yourself for moms death either way here, at the very advanced age of 99, do you realize that? It's nobody's fault that your mom passed, it's the cycle of life and no one escapes it.
My condolences on your loss. Remember all the good times and don't feed yourself a bunch of nonsense about how strong she was at 99 after a stroke. It was her time to pass, my friend.
Mom died at 99 not many live that long. May have been your love and care that got her that far. They are good until they aren't. It only takes a UTI, a fall, a broken hip or a TIA to turn the tables. They are so fragile at this age. Its nothing you did or could have done to change it.
The 19th anniversary of my Dads death is today. Five weeks before he was sent home on hospice because he would not last the weekend. Thanksgiving was the 23rd that year. He spent the day watching football games with his sons. The whole family was there. Sometime after 10pm he passed in his sleep. He was 79. Mom found him gone at 6:30 on Friday morning.
At 99 every day is a blessing. She got to enjoy her classic movies, coffee and good meals until almost the end.
Be grateful that her passing was quick and not the protracted suffering that so many go through. She and you were spared that, and that’s a blessing.
My deepest condolences on the loss of your mother, and I wish you peace and understanding as you mourn.