I have always said that I would never place Mom in a home. I did not care if I had to hire 2 people to take care of her day and night. I have found out that you can't make that promise. I recently had 2 incidents that could have been life threatening however by accident I found out what was going on. I woke up a couple of weeks ago and I though that Mom had totally gone over the edge, well I finally found and figured out it was a UTI, I have heard how bad they can be on an older person but never had a clue that it could be that bad. Mom fell the other night and hit her head bad, I had her rushed to the ER and again, I never had a clue, there was nothing noticeable but it turned out that she had pneumonia, that was quite a shock and again I only found out by accident. She is so weak, I can barley get her to eat and she sits and will refuse to do anything but stair at the TV. The Doctor ordered Rehab and recommended that we put her in a home. When I think of homes I think of horror story's but I have come to find out that is not the case. We did find a very nice place and the staff is fantastic. The issue that I'm having is walking in a seeing most of the people in wheel chairs, slumped over and pretty much just out of it. My Mom can be very active if she wants to be and does not appear to be even close to the shape the I see the others in. I have also noticed she is much further than I would allow myself to imagine. They say she participated in all the activities and that amazes me, she even helps the staff clean up after lunch and dinner. I guess my question is does she really belong there? I don't want to put her anywhere before its time but I have come to realize after 4 years of Mom living with me, I have absolutely no life. I go to work and come home and sit there. I change and clean her 3-4 times a day and worry about her while at work. Her caregiver is a male and she will not allow him to clean her up and can't remember by time she gets into the restroom why she is there so if I'm not at home I worry that she is sitting in waste. This may sound terrible but I just need reassurance that this is a good thing for her. They tell me that she is happy and does not even know to ask for me when I'm gone, she seems to have forgot about her dog, she never asks about her. But she still seem pretty normal until I really start asking questions. They also tell me that People with dementia will say things to there children just trying to get their way because its harder on us to say No you can't come home. I have though about bringing her home on weekends but they tell me that's a bad idea. Can someone please let me know what happened when you were faced with this situation? I feel so guilty that I even agreed to placing her but I have come to realize that I'm just not equipped to deal with the illness and she is better off with trained professionals. I'm just having such a hard time getting through my head that we have done the right thing. Thank you for listening.