Lots of great stories out there where parents resisted the move to assisted living but once there, adjusted and found life there very fulfilling. This doesn't occur for everyone. Though the years our mom has needed counseling for other mental health issues not related to aging. Because she has such a stronghold of guilt over her children they've never held her accountable to do so. Now that she's in Assisted Living those issues are still relevant. Now she needs a higher level of care but refuses to move to the next level, and expects her children to make up the shortfall of care by sorting and giving meds, cleaning and straightening apartment, laundry. She's 86, still laying on the guilt, doesn't make friends, and refuses most activities--expecting family to do everything she needs. The lesson here is that a demanding parent with an untreated personality disorder will be just as demanding and need much more care and attention as they age. This puts a tremendous burden on children and their spouses and stresses marriages. Personality disorders don't go away with age --how do you cope?
