I am so low I can not think straight, skinny, and feel so lost. Help. I know I am grieving. But the witnessing of this demise is so not natural as I have never experienced this before. I am taking good care of him, and I hope I am in store for the same care from my loved ones. So far - fear is there because the tenderness that I am giving, I am getting less rest, less intimacy with hubby, less time with my only son. I am only 105 lbs and look like a pencil. My mind races all the time (when, what time, what do I do...), can not go anywhere if so, rush home, check his breathing... I feel so desperate for something that I just can not seem to grasp to hold onto. Has any caregivers felt this way, or are experiencing this as I express my call for Tender Help.?

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Discontent, I came across this posting of yours from not long ago... I wonder if this is adding to the mix of your emotions? From other messages you have been caring for this gentleman who was your neighbor for close to 18 years, and now he is currently residing in your home. Curious, where are his daughters? Could you reach out to them?

Cwille's advice is very good. I would also add that maybe you're too concerned about being present when your loved one dies. We all think about that, see it on tv and in the movies but in reality it rarely happens. It's impossible to predict when death might occur or if the dying person is even aware of you're presence.

Your friend would not want to see you suffer like this. You have to also take care of yourself. You are doing the best anyone could possibly do. Don't be so hard on yourself.

Most of us here fear the unknown, it's only natural to feel that way. Have you talked to your hospice providers about your feelings? They have been through this with others and can guide you. You shouldn't need to fee as though you can't leave the house or even rest lest they die without you, when the time is near they should be able to let you know.
Have you been to see your own doctor? Have you told him/her what you are experiencing? Perhaps some antianxiety meds will help you to feel more in control. This is a stressful time, keep reaching out for help, here, from hospice or wherever you can find it.

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