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When mom died 4 years ago and I lost a grandmother and aunt in the same year it was a big hit. I immediately went into planning an logistic mode and made all the arrangements. I inherited dad and all the issues that come with that. multi state travel, finance, cleaning his house managing his health, dealing with his grief. I finally moved him in with me 9 months later. It wasn't until a few months after that that things finally hit me like a ton of bricks. Almost a year I was in a fog, forgetting things, lost business opportunities etc. Temper, outbursts, all of that came to the top. It really did take some time for me to adjust. I think I am still in adjustment mode. Not sure if I ever grieved properly. I am not sure how I am supposed to. I miss my mom a lot. I have a full house so there is never much down time for me. I guess things have settled for me on the mom side.Just dealing with dad now. I have a lot of resentment with siblings as only one helps (pays one bill). The other non existent so it is all up to me.
I try to stay busy (not hard to do). I celebrate mom on certain days. I keep her in my mind and talk to her once in a while so I guess I have grieved (for what I know), it just took a long time to get there?
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tg - that is a big hit. What you describe is absolutely normal. For the most part grief does not go away entirely. You say you are still in adjustment mode. Missing a LO will go on. My father died about 40 years ago, but I still have moments of missing him. My son died about 15 years ago and I still can have tears over his loss. Being overly busy can be a way of avoiding grief, but sometimes the demands of life are so great we don't have time to do much grieving. Sounds like you are grieving your mum - missing her, talking to her, celebrating her on different days, keeping her in mind... Over time usually the need to do these things diminishes, I have found that the missing stays, but also that good memories stay, while the traumatic ones, from around the time of their passing, fade.

I have also found that sometimes there are triggers for the losses of the past - like the upcoming holidays, when memories of lost LOs come to the fore, symptoms of grief, as you and barb mentioned, appear again. I am feeling those this year while I didn't last year. I don't consider what you have described being a long time in terms of griefs I have known. I am not sure we ever "get there" in terms of being completely over it. Grief is a process that we walk through. The "normal" that we had is not "normal" anymore. We have to establish a new normal.

I am sorry your sibs are not more helpful. I have gotten over the resentment and a happy when my sib does not interfere or criticize. Wishing you and your family Merry Christmas and all the best for a good New Year.
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My father passed away on April 23rd. He hadn't been in great health for over a decade but went into the hospital on March 30th and was given 'months' to live. It was expected but a surprise that it ended up being a few weeks. I went into full just keep busy mode for the first week, helping my mom with arrangements and finding ways to keep her busy. I was sad but it was like being in a daze more than anything. The shock has worn off and the last 3 days have been pretty rough. Looking at pictures of my dad, crying it out, sleeping very little. The timeframe of 'forever' is really setting in. My dad was about my age when his father passed away, that was in 1979. My dad lived almost 40 years without his father and the thought of potentially living something similar without my dad is hard to stare down. As an adult I was able to appreciate how great of a father I had and what a good relationship I had with him. Im fortunate in the sense that there's no glaring 'what if's'. I cant think of anything I wish i had told him that I didnt or any unfinished business. I guess one way of viewing it is how sad I am just proved how great of a dad I had.
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I'm so sorry for the loss of your dad. I know it's hard not to think of the word forever when it comes to coping and living with loss of a loved one, but sometimes it helps a little to think of it as getting through moment by moment, hour by hour, one day at a time. Hugs to you, and prayers for you and your family during this difficult time.
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Hidden- I share the sadness and loss of my Dad. It is a difficult thing. I loved him very much and miss him everyday. I cannot say that it gets easier, the loss. But I guess little by little it gets manageable. And I have hope of seeing him again. And sharing eternity with him, in heaven.
So sorry for your loss. May God bless you through this.
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Thank you to you both for the kind words. Today was a better day than yesterday. Smeshue, knowing what im going through im so sorry you're going through the same with your father. I hope to see him in heaven some day as well. And I'll make you a deal, when we all get there. I'll introduce you to my dad as long as you promise to introduce me to yours. God bless you.
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Hidden- Its a deal. Hang in there and may God bless you, as he knows what you need best.
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Me too. That is...I’m no longer motivated to work. I make an excellent salary & have a family to support but I have zero interest in going to work. My Dad died June 9th...from Parkinson's Dementia. I’ve spent the past 2 years caring for him remotely. I’m experiencing the same...going through the daily regimen with no interest in my job or the goals that lie ahead of me. I wonder if I’m depressed? I haven’t sought any help...nor do I care to. No one can fix this...can they?
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KEB- It is one of the roughest things in life, losing a parent especially if we love them so much. I am now almost a year and 9 months without my Dad. I miss him everyday. There are times when you think you are good and have dealt with the loss, and then such sadness will creep up on you or just show up at random times. Could be something that reminds you of them or just a thought.
My belief and faith in seeing him again offers some comfort. God has a way of healing those wounds. They may always remain tender to the touch. But, it will stop bleeding and the pain becomes manageable. But, The Lord is the only way I get through each day. Otherwise I would just be a big ball of sadness curled up under the covers never wanting to speak to no one, or do anything. I am only now after this time remembering what fun and laughing is like. I do not have it often yet, but I am seeing more clearly. I am only now trying to remember things I enjoy or want to do or was doing before. I know this is hard. It is so hard, but strength comes from above. I guarantee that. I am living proof of what God can do within a person and with a person. You said no one can fix this, can they? Yes, God can. Only He can. This is true.
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