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Since Dad died, I have been so self conscious and so self critical, thinking back about so many things and talking to myself a lot.I am alone in the house. A lot of reminders, a lot of memories come flooding in and I do cry sometimes out of the blue, which I guess is normal. But I feel kind of paranoid. My neighbor keeps inviting me to social gatherings at her house where I don't really know anyone.She loved my Dad and knew what I did for him and is so nice. But I get so nervous and afraid. But I don't want to offend her by not going. Is this just part of the process?

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oh, what I wrote was that she had gone to a neighbor's and done all that a month after her sister passed.
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I understand completely not wanting to gab.
I dont want to go to any gathering after dads ceremony-
but a wise friend told me she didnt either, went, and even though she felt like hiding or running away, she stayed...... laughed, shared, and had to admit to me she felt better the next day than she had in a while . (((HUG!))
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Patooski - this time will pass - it's part of the grieving process. Be easy on yourself. Doesn't matter how many gray hairs I contributed to my dear father's head as a youngster....now that he needs to be taken care of - I'm here for him. That's what counts in the scheme of things, sweetie.

Give yourself comfort for being the best child you could be. Give yourself time and space to get back to your balance. Allow yourself to feel that your Dad loved you, despite any bumps in the relationship. Explain how you feel right to your neighbor - perhaps just joining the neighbor for dinner or the two of you having coffee out for now....and when your ready, allow your neighbor to introduce you to some new friends...your Dad would want you to rejoin the world and enjoy your life.

God bless.
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Patooski,
I'm so sorry you lost your dear Father.I know what you mean about being surrounded by reminders...I am too.Everything is the same in the house but Mother is missing and now the house even feels strange like everything else.I also understand about going to the neighbors house and feeling self conscious and weird.....When Mom was here,I was so much stronger.I was her protector,her everything and now I feel like a meek mouse.I get nervous around people like never before.It's got to be part of the grieving process after we loved and cared for them so long.Every single thing seems new and strange to me and pretty much,everything seems hard for some reason.Surely time will help.Try to take it easy and don't be hard on yourself.I'm sure you did your very best.Take good care,Lu
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i didnt take my mom out enough the last 5 yrs or so either . i didnt realize cabin fever was a thing . the roads were my workplace and i couldnt wait to get home and de - boot , de - pants , and de - stress .
all we can do is live and learn .
i always compare my efforts to a very affluent local fellow . he took such good care of his MMoth-er .
the guy had hired nurses , housekeepers and personal aids .
how hard could it be to make a daily appearance and smile a lot ?
after all he lived on the family farm only 1500 feet away from MMoth-er ..
he IS a good person imo but they had endless funds . not a lot of personal sacrifice on his part ..
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thanks capt. I have been wondering about dad's birthday and how he wanted to go for a ride, I said I couldnt do that and then he stopped eating and is now gone...
I just have to try to remember all the times he thanked me for my help in the past....
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Thank you captain. Your words hit home. I am sorry for the loss of your dear mother and grateful for your kind comments.
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i think you should forget about what you might have done differently , or done better . letting that go was a big moment of relief for me after my mom died .
i was there and i struggled like a sob . no i wasnt perfect . in her younger days mom wasnt the perfect parent either . nor was i .
i dont believe in an afterlife ( or disbelieve for that matter ) but ill bet your parent would be speaking highly of you right now given the opportunity .
quit beatin yourself up .. thats a good goal ..
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