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I have decided to place my 83 year old grandmother back in the nursing home. This was a tough decision to make but, had to be done. First I must say that I take full responsibility for my guilt. I knew she was an abusive hateful person but, thought that she may be nicer after 2 strokes. She was so pitiful and neglected in the nursing homes. But, I have had three people tell me that my children now hate their home and my dyslexic daughter with whom we had worked with extensively to achieve self confidence and excellent grades, is now failing school. I have tried talking with my grandmother, but she continually picks on her. I am unable to leave them in a room together because she waits until I walk out to start in on her. My daughter is 9 and I have really tried to make this work but,my children will not hate their home. I feel extremely guilty, am I wrong to move her out? I am open to any ideas or suggestions. My mother and other siblings have said that they are done with her.

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Baumgark..you are doing the right thing for your gma..as well as for your children. You are a loving caring granddaughter. And you are a loving caring mom. Your daughter is stressed and needs quite routine.
When you look into nursing homes..interview them and staff if there are several in your area. Get online and check call your local area on aging... And like Jeanne says..you will visit, call, take your family all to visit. See also if there is physical therapy in the nh.. May help her too.
You are not alone
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You are not wrong to move her out. Do your best to see that she is not pitiful and neglected in the nursing home. Visit her. Call her on the phone. Send her funny greeting cards. (Who doesn't like getting real mail?) Continue to be a loving granddaughter.

I think you are putting your main focus back where it needs to be -- the health and well-being of your children. Never feel guilty for the efforts you make on behalf of your children.

You could feel guilty about not being able to have Grandmother in your home. You could keep her and feel guilty for the negative impact it has on your children. Or you could do your best, make hard decisions in love, and give up the guilt. I know which choice I'd make! :)
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my dad is becoming nasty and abusive as his dementia is progressing. he is extremely critical of everything and makes constant negative and hurtful comments. nothing is right or good enough and everyone is stupid in his opinion. he was never like this before and used to be a funny and easy going person. i think that your guilty feelings are normal but you should not subject your young family to this constant negativity and verbal abuse especially if your child's education and development is suffering. your mother (in her right mind) would not really want that for her grandchildren. stay strong and protect your kids.
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