My grandmother is driving me crazy.


My grandmother has been living at my mother's house since July (my grandfather died in June and he was the only reason she was able to stay in her home) she has had several strokes and also suffers from dementia.
I care for my grandmother while my mom is at work (I am a stay at home mom with a 2 year old and I am pregnant) and then my mom cares for her at night. My grandmother has outbursts of anger out of nowhere and has tried to hit me, has tried to throw her tray of food, tried to get out of her chair to come after me across the room etc. She has outbursts w/my mom, but has never tried to hit her. I am not sure if she still sees me as a child and that she is trying to discipline me or what the reason is behind it.
It has gotten really hard lately, because there are a lot of days where I don't want to be around her. I used to look forward to spending time with her and we were very close. Now I am just going through the motions. I also worry about caring for her the further along I get in my pregnancy, and I am also taking care of my 2 year old while I am taking care of her.
I know my attitude sucks sometimes, but it is like everything she does drives me crazy. She will pick her teeth for hours, she had one break off a couple of weeks ago and I am afraid she is going to do it again. Some mornings when I get her out of bed she won't cooperate. Just sits there staring at me. I tell her it is time to get up and she just shakes her head and won't even make an attempt. Then when I leave the room she gets up out of the bed on her own and she is a major fall risk and needs assistance getting out of bed, walking etc. I am just so glad I found this website so I can vent and read what other people are going through.
It is also frustrating because it seems like sometimes she can control her behavior. People from the church visit her and she is friendly and talkative and doesn't act up. Then an hour after they leave she is back in dementia land. I just needed to vent this morning.

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You said, "Some days I just want to scream. I just don't how I will do this with a toddler and a newborn once the baby gets here in May."

You shouldn't have to.

And I had no idea that was typical behavior and even had a name!! I will have to research that...

Yes, I have talked to my mom about the stuff she does. She will not put her in a nursing home. I plan on taking care of my grandmother until I either physically can't or mentally can't anymore. Then I guess my mom will have to hire a sitter or look at other options.
She is very sweet to my son, but does things that bother me and then gets mad at me if I try to correct her. For example, she has given him a used tissue to play with or tried to offer him some of the diet coke that she is drinking out of. When I have asked her not to do that, she gets angry. My grandmother is prescribed a low dose of xanax 3 times daily for her aggression. My mother only wants her to have a half of one twice a day even though the doctor and nurses want her to have a whole one 3 times a day. When I am here, sometimes I give her the whole one anyway. Some days I just want to scream. I just don't how I will do this with a toddler and a newborn once the baby gets here in May. :(

The thing about your grandma being able to be pleasant and social for an hour with people outside of the family is typical of dementia. It's called Showtiming (yep, there's even a name for it).

Have you and your mom discussed this? Have you told her what you've to us? It might be time to discuss placing your grandma in a nursing home especially since she's combative.

How does your grandma treat your child?

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