Not really a question, just sharing.
Hi, hope everyone is ok on this Mother’s day, which I bet can be fraught for a lot of us.
I visited my Grandma today after several weeks of avoiding going. She’s a lot weaker, more tired, conversations more work, patience is much reduced, anxiety levels higher. I admit I avoided going as I was worried about facing her decline, and when I went, my fears were confirmed. Every time I visit her, I come back feeling awful. While I’m there I try to be bright and breezy and I do manage to make her smile, but it really feels like shaking a shiny toy in front of her face: not much help at all. A few minutes of smiles and then it’s back to being anxious. Where’s my son? Why aren’t the nurses here? Where’s my son, they aren’t coming...
I try asking her questions about who the other ladies are, or about old times. But I’m kind of awful at it and run out of things to say to her or ask her about.
I took her for a wheelchair walk in the warm sunshine today but it ended up being just another lesson for me about how little she can actually enjoy anymore. She was worried the whole time and just wanted to go back despite my talking to her and stopping to kiss her or touch her face to say it’s ok, you’re safe.
She's in constant discomfort or worry or a sort of empty daze. Her only respite is when a family member or staff member is right next to her “singing and dancing” to entertain her.
God what’s it all about anyway?
Love to everyone here today