Ok, most of you know that I care for my ex mil (Gran). She always was a meany and controlling, but got nicer with dementia, except for outbursts occasionally. the outbursts have become more frequent and I've been writing the doctor notes for him to read before taking her to a visit with him, because I can't say much in front of her without her becoming very angry to me once we get home. well................she had been put on respiridol (I thought it was seroquel at first) and was so much better with her moods... but she still skipped her meds. During the week that she missed 4 doses (about 8 pills per dose) I was dealing with my 3 teens losing 2 of their best friends in a freak car accident in oklahoma,,,,, so my attention was not on Gran as much as usual. Randy had wrecked his rental car that he was using because his car was totalled from when my daughter ran into a tree and broke her brother's arm (2 open compound fractures, metal plates, screws and 180 stitches) about 2 months ago. whew... sorry, but i'm venting too. Then I was on I30 and the two cars in front of me had a wreck and spun around and I was the first person to get out and help... well, the only one!!! The girl was unconcious on the air bag and smoke was in the car and I had to get her out..... she is ok though. ok, back to Gran....... She decided to fall out of her chair again after skipping her meds and hurt her back AGAIN. I was telling her (in my calming voice I use with her) that we will go to the doctor and get an exray. She literally started shrieking hysterically..... NO NO NO NO - I don't need to go to the doctor! I told her "Okay! :) well, I'm fixing the disposal right now, see? and then I can get the kitchen cleaned up because it bothers both of us when its messy, doesn't it?" she shrieked "DON"T CALL ME STUPID!!!!" thankfully, my ex husband had to come home from work for some reason and walked in on this and finally heard how all this happens. he never believed me when I told him about her actions. He calmly asked her why she was upset, and she tried to backtrack and say I was mad at her and wouldn't listen to her. I explained to him that she doesn't want to go to the doctor and I upset her about the kitchen.
Then my dog started licking her hands because she knew gran was upset, so I quietly shooed the dog away and took her to my room. gran shrieked "THAT'S RIGHT, TELL RANDY TO JUST DEAL WITH ME! I HEARD YOU!!!" my jaw dropped, but I quietly told her I was removing Amy from her so she wouldn't be a bother. Randy also said "mother, Kristi did not say that, I was standing right here listening." She said sooooo meanly "I know what I sawwwwwwww and what I heard" I went to her weekly pill box and handed it to Randy to show her missing the meds. She really lost it then..... but.....................long story shorter...He took off work for the rest of the day -and took her to the doctor!!!!!!! hallelujah!!!!! he NEVER helps with her. The doctor witnessed her crazy behavior, upped her respiridol, and wrote a prescription that said "you must allow Kristi to have your meds and give them to you daily. They are not to be in your room at all". and handed it to her. LOL. she threw it. He told her that I really loved her and cared for her and that he had tons of patients whose families would place them in nursing homes for much less than what was happening with her frequently. He was able to do it nicely, and she LOVES him so she listened. And Randy stood up for me for the first time EVER.... EVER! I'm crying just typing this. He told his mother that he would not let her take her anger out on me any more, and that I ran myself ragged trying to help her. The doctor even told her that. It made me feel good...validated I guess. I didn't think anyone noticed how much I do or try to help her and make her life fun and comfortable and safe. so, It was a very horrible week, but all things ended well. Something in me "clicked" and I am thicker skinned now, and when she whines or gets mad, I immediately deal with it instead of letting her 'vent' like I used to...it would only escalate things. Now have a schedule and tell her when we do things and watch her get into bed and take the pills, etc. I'm more of a nurse now instead of an ex daughter in law, I guess. :) But it sure helps to deal with it this way. Thanks so much for letting me VENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh, and I asked her to help with some chores because she used to sit all day and tell me what needed to be done (while I'm going 500 mph doing everything). Now she folds clothes for me, and she feels like she is contributing.. it is helping her self esteem! I'm so excited that it seems we have taken a turn.....hopefully in the right direction. :)