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About one year ago, this forum helped me keep my sanity while being the primary care-giver to a special needs older brother and my elderly mother. My brother passed away in January, 2018. My mother passed away last week, one day after suffering a massive stroke.


Mother took us through it all and wore me out. I won't bore you with the details, because you are all living your own story, or nightmare as it often seems to be. I'm going through a gamut of emotions, ranging from sadness, relief, emptiness, and feeling free for the first time in several years. (a bit guilty over that last one.) No more wheelchairs, depends, potty chairs, feeling like we can't go anywhere because you never know when the phone will ring, multiple weekly visits to her assisted living facility, where you never got credit for a visit under 1 and a half hours. No more setting up medical appointments only to have her refuse to go. No more talk about how she's going to go back home. She is home now.


No more worries about mini-strokes, no more spinal stenosis, no more trouble swallowing, no more being practically blind, no more of her desperately missing my dad and my older brother, who have gone on before her.


But also no more stories about the cute things I did as a little boy. No more having her as a source of family history when you can't remember the details of all the old great aunts and uncles. No more having a mother who, even after a knock-down argument over how she was going to "leave this dungeon where I've been locked up", would tell me she loved me just as I left.


Strange thing as I write this. I know she's in a better place. But after the hell of the last few years, I find myself wishing I could talk to her one more time. My mother was a loving person in her younger days. The personality change only came on in her later years of physical and mental decline. But the personality change was severe and left me exasperated many a night. But when you know down in there somewhere is the mother who gave you life and loved you, you're still not quite ready for today to be the day.


God blessed me with the opportunity to spend her last night with her in the hospital, to talk to her when she couldn't speak, to pray over her and read her favorite Bible verses to her, and to hold her hand with her fingers slightly squeezing mine, her only method of communication. I was there for her final breathe and will go to my grave thankful that she didn't have to die alone.


For those of you still fighting the fight, take heart. Don't feel guilty for taking some time for yourself. Take care of yourself physically and spiritually. And know that a day will come when it ends. Take care, my friends.

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I am so sorry for your loss. Your mom and brother were so fortunate to have you in their lives. You wrote such a beautiful post! I was reflecting on my mom and handicapped older brother as I read your post. I can really relate! May God bless you for all your loving care that you gave to your brother and mom. 🌹

Now a time for healing, living and yes finding your new normal! I learn so much from this forum. Please, when you are ready, return and share your invaluable experience. ❤️❤️
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So sorry for your loss.

I loved your post. Thanks for sharing.
You will see your mom again one day.

Grieving is hard. It comes in waves and the big waves can really knock us down.

You were such a blessing to your loved one.

God bless you, take care.
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It's such a long an often times confusing journey that most of us didn't expect. Let the guilt go. We all do what we can in the moment. Thank you for sharing that. It's so tough to deal with. Your message was so powerful. I hope you can get to a place where you can think of the good times, and let the last few years go. Remember the person as they really were, not who the dementia or illness turned them in to. I feel for you, so much. Take care.
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I am so very sorry for your loss. All of us in the trenches have looked forward to "The" day when we don't have to do......well, everything you had to do. I've done it so long for my mom who passed 2 years ago and for my dad for almost 10 years that I'm not sure what a normal life looks like anymore. I'm sure when the time comes though I will feel a little lost, have to find my new normal and of course grieve. I've been encouraged so much by this site and have told others that have started on this long journey about it. I hope and pray they find it as helpful as I have. Thank you for your post and as someone else posted, you have so much experience to help others. I hope you can do a little of that along with learning how to kick up your heels a bit and enjoying life again. Good luck and may God continue to Bless you.
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rwb, Thank-you for that beautiful post! It brought tears to my eyes. You expressed feelings I have felt and I couldn't have said as well as you.

God Bless you.
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What a beautifully written post. You are an amazing son and she was incredibly lucky to have you. It is hard when you are “in the trenches” to have that perspective and when they are gone, you remember your daily struggles and how trapped you felt, and yes, the guilt of wishing for the day of having your own life again.

May you continue to pass along your heartfelt wisdom to others as beautifully as you have done here and I wish you all the best as you embark on your new life.
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I am crying reading your post, and use this forum. Thank you for writing your post Peace be with you and God bless .
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Thank you for taking the time to write such a thoughtful post during your time of grief. Take care.
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I am so sorry for your loss. Many condolences are sent to you by me. God bless you. ❤❤❤❤💜💜💜💜💜💙💙💙💙
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Beautifully written. Thanks for sharing. Hope you get some well-deserved rest and May the best memories bring you peace and comfort. ❤️❤️
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First of all, i am sorry for your mom and brothers passing....as you said, they are in a much better place. THANK YOU for writing from your heart...there is someone out here today that needs to hear your sweet words.
May your life going forward be blessed with peace, love and the ability to rest... body, mind and soul....much love and many blessings to you....in love and light,
Elizabeth
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God bless you Sir. I am so sorry for your loss. You are an incredibly warm, and loving soul.
There few people, let alone sons, who would have taken such good care of there Mother right up to the last moment. I am sure on some level she knew you were there and it was s great comfort to her.
I have been caring for my husbands mother in our home for the last five years. My father passed away in n 1995 and my mother in 2008.
I wish you well and hope you know that you were a good son and a fabulous human being.
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Wow, what a great writing about all of it.  Condolences, God bless, and hope this transition happens easily.
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Beautifully written and so true.  My mother passed last summer after years of illnesses too many to mention.  And yes, I would love to talk to her just one more time.  Cherish the good memories and put the bad ones away.
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Thank You!
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Piano man, thank you so much for taking the time to share this with us. Such a bittersweet balm for us still in the trenches. I've often thought about what I will feel relieved about and what I will miss when my dad passes, if the Lord wills that he go before I. You covered the gamut gracefully. I'm so sorry for your loss but happy for your gained and well-earned freedom. May the Lord bless you and keep you and guide you throughout this time of transition.
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Thank you so much for writing. I’m sorry for your losses and truly understand the gamut of emotions you’re experiencing, each one fully valid. My mother also passed away after a series of strokes, it was brutal, and I also wish for another conversation with her. I wish you peace, comfort, and blessings in the days ahead
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Loved your post. You had me crying those bittersweet tears that come so often to me these days. Thank you!
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I am so sorry for your loss, but I am rejoicing with you that she is finally home. One day you will be with her again.

God bless you for all you provided.
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Rwb, im so glad that you posted and everyone can feel that it was from the heart. Boy what an inspiration you are to those who are going through similar situations with their own sfories. Makes me just want to hug my dad and tell him everything is going to be ok. Thank you for that. And to FrazzledMama, im so sorry for your loss too. When you post i always look to see what youve posted because i find your words so comforting. When ive been in a panic you knew just what to say to make me calm and regroup. I hope both of you stay here and continue doing what you do. Deb
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RWB, I appreciated your post. My mom died almost a year ago. It was years of the typical elder Hell you describe. But I’m finally getting to a good place now, remembering what a good mom she was when I was younger.

it takes awhile. Sounds like you’re getting there.
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RWB, don't know when you'll be back to see all the posts lifting you up, encouraging and sympathizing with you over the passing of your mother, but we'll be here for you. I don't want to say the "loss" of your Mom," because it sounds to me like you know exactly where she is and will remain - in your heart and in your memory. You gave her a good life and a peaceful passing, and you will treasure those gifts forever. Peace to you.
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I send you all of the love and gratitude that I have, for being a part of this group and helping me more than words can say. Bless you. Happy trails!!!
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Rwbpiano, I’m so sorry for your losses. I was crying this morning when I read your heartfelt account of the time you spent with your Mom. So today on my daily drive in to the NH, I was thankful that I’m still able to see her and hold her hand. I hope that every day my outlook can be like yours...that I “get” to see her, not that I “have” to see her. Bless you and her.
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I am so sorry for your loss. Your mom knows and understands the sacrifices you made for her. She is very grateful for the love and patience you showed her and loves you for it.
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What a wonderful and heartfelt post. I am sorry for your loss but I am also happy that you got to be there for your mom. What a great son you are. I wish you the best as you take this new chapter in your life.

God bless you.
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Rwb, thank you for this post. Your mother was so lucky to have you, and I am so glad you were able to be with her at the end. Blessings to you and your family.
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Rwb, I'm sorry for the loss of your mom and praying for you and your family. I understand completely the emotions involved, as mine passed away 2/18/19. Please feel free to come back anytime and let us know how you're doing. There is good grief support here too.
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What a beautiful post and tribute to your mother! I wish you peace and happiness in your next adventure.
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rw- so very sorry for the loss and all the emotions that come with it. Thank you so much for your heartfelt post. And thank you for the love you showed your Mother and show her even now in your words.
May God be with you.
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