Some of you may remember me ... I've been around here from time to time over the past few years. I quit my career, sold my home, dumped most of my furniture and moved 200km to care for my evil narcissistic mother, aka "Mommie Dearest or MD" for four horrendous years until she went into a NH almost 3 years ago (Parkinsons, strokes and dementia). Due to her daily screaming phone calls and on the edge of a nervous breakdown, 18 months ago I changed my number and made it unlisted. I've also ensured she doesn't have my address or she'd be sending the cops around ... control freak.
I have visited regularly, taking juice, bottled water, chocolate and kleenex. Never knowing whether she would be calm and out of it or throwing a nasty screaming tantrum, by the time I visited I was so worked up I was in fight or flight mode.
I haven't seen a doc in years as all they do is push meds on you but, now living out here in the country I recently signed on with a doc at the local hospital. He's totally different and quite the character and he actually listens!
First and second appointment my blood pressure was very high (wonder why?) and he sent me for an EKG and blood tests. This morning I went back and my BP was still far too high.
I explained to him the nightmare of MD I've been going through for a lifetime (knocked me about and put me in a hospital when I was 6 and it never got any better after that). He said "Get rid of her asap, these old narcissists (his word, not mine) just refuse to die but hang on to make anyone and everyone miserable".
I broke into tears. I guess I always knew I should get rid of her for.the sake of my health and sanity but I guess I needed that validation. Physical issues can be dealt with in some way but how do you deal with crazy? You can't talk to crazy and you can't reason with crazy, just take the abuse they hurl at you.
I go back for a recheck in four weeks and we've agreed I will not visit MD in that time. If BP is still high it will be controlled with meds. Good news I have no signs of diabetes or high cholesterol. My mother has had many strokes, her sister died of stroke and her mother dropped dead with a stroke so I'm a great candidate to go the same way.
Bash me if you wish but, at this point, it's my life at stake and I must regain my health and sanity.
MD had the best of everything life long, exotic vacations, big houses, new cars, spoiled rotten but nothing was ever good enough ... I swear her treatment of my poor father put him in an early grave. She's close to 90 now, barely able to speak or sit up, bed ridden, and still wailing for someone, anyone, who will take her into their home, clean, cook meals to order, do laundry, carry her to the bathroom (if she hasn't soiled her diapers first) and generally wait on her hand and foot 24/7/365 ... for free of course!
Please know I'm not looking for any sympathy, just posting in the hope that my experiences might help someone along the way. You have a life left to live. You've done all you possibly can and then some ... you have to, throw the poison under the bus, have no regrets and get on with your life..
Dog Bless you all ... and no, that's not a typo. Without the love and loyalty of my beloved dogs I doubt I would be alive today.