This morning I've had just about enough and have to get out for a while. Yesterday I talked to my mother about me cleaning out a closet today. She was all good with it. So today I did it and she crawled on me. I put it back in its old hoarded condition, and told her if I wasn't frakking crazy within a year, it would be a wonder. Do it, don't do it. Waste my time. Waste my life. Then get mad at me for doing it. What a dreadful human.

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Thanks, emjo. We play this "damned if you do, damned if you don't" thing here so much. Pretty soon nothing gets done because I get tired of having to deal with it. Right now she is playing innocent victim because I got upset, and of course, it was all my fault. I get tired of everything being all my fault when almost nothing is. Still mad.

((((((((((((((Jessie)))))))))) my heart goes out to you. You have shouldered the load of your dad and your mum so well. I know the push-pull game well. I call it crazy-making. You do what they want, and then you get dumped on for doing it. I think it is partly their control issues. There are times I leave something alone for a while to see if mother changes her mind, or decline to get involved because my "gut" sense is that it is not as it seems. I am learning better and better to trust my "gut" senses. Many times things seem to turn out to be some sort of sick game, where the hidden agenda is to have me center my time and energy on her, much more than it is to get a task done. Also it is set up so that I fail, and that means she wins, in terms of being maltreated, and can complain. That is the nature of narcissism. You can't win. It is set up to be a lose-lose. I have accepted that I can't win with her on her terms, that I will always be lacking and not the daughter that she needs/deserves etc., but I can win on my terms, which means I can avoid many of the games, (not all, I am not perfect, and still get "caught" once in a while), I can look after me, and do what is reasonable for her.
Jessie, some alternatives that have worked for me 1) take some time to be sure your mum does not change her mind about things you discuss, let a few days go by, and bring it up again. If she continues to be positive about it then do it. 2) if she gets mad after the fact, just tell her that you discussed it and she agreed, and if she doesn't like it, she can make the changes and let it go at that 3) recognize that she uses anger/criticism to get to you and take 10 deep breaths, and walk away from it. A therapist once told me to reflect anger back to a person who uses anger as a tool. For example, saying "I can see that you are very angry about that." I wish I had learned that earlier and used it more.
((((((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))) to you

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