My 84-year-old mom moved in with me 2 weeks after my dad passed nearly three years ago. She has COPD, severe arthritis and scoliosis, and had early dementia when she first moved in, but is now in mid-stage dementia. She thinks she is fine and that she is capable, but she is not. She has no idea she doesn't eat or drink much. I get half a bowl of oatmeal and 2 Ensures down her each day with tremendous effort because she wants neither. It takes much goading and diligence (nagging) on my part just to get this into her. She gets agitated and I get stressed out trying. I have given up trying to get her to shower or get cleaned up. I pick my battles, but eating and drinking is one I cannot relinquish. I know she does not want to be hospitalized, which is why I try so hard to keep her strong enough she doesn't fall, or succumb to dehydration. I get very little respite from my caregiving duties. I teach a couple of nights per-week and that is really the only time I get to be away. I know we are all going through similar situations, but I am hoping for some advice other than what I get from family members who say things like, "Don't let it get to you" and "She can't help it." I know all of this, but the daily struggle with a person who has always been the most stubborn person I know, is making me frustrated and crazy. Help!?