Everybody knows my drama, so I'll try to make this quick.
Mother lives in attached apartment to YYB (I have 2 younger brothers, YYB is 57, YB is 61) she has been there for 22 years----LONG past what any one of us thought she'd make it. 15 years alone.
I've NEVER had a "good" relationship with her, in fact, it's been a true nightmare at times. We'd go a year w/o speaking, before she moved in with brother. I am not the favorite child, coming in a solid 6/6--well, I guess when OB died, I moved up a notch.
I have done my utmost best to step up and fill in all the blanks that I could since daddy died. She was pretty independent for about 5 years, but a few surgeries (both knees, hip, and back surgeries have rendered her bent over in a C spine shape and unable to do much for herself. I was doing 2 days a week AND working 2 PT jobs AND caring for a sick hubby all at once.
She has been off and on with me. Angry sometimes, complaining sometimes, if she wants something from me, she's a peach. Weirdly, she cannot remember my phone number (same number for 40 years) and so she cannot call me as she cannot work her cell phone.
I found in her 'trust' a BILL made out to me to the tune of $1500 to which I am supposed to owe the trust. No reason or anything, and worse, the brother with whom she's LIVED owes her $6000. He doesn't know and I am not telling him. (No worries, it's not legal)
I have tried so hard to clean for her, she can't even sweep a floor--or water her plants (they are all dead) bleach down the bathroom---she gets so mad and then YYB yells at me. And I mean YELLS. (He hasn't spoken to me for 2 years when I brought up the possibility of using her LTC to pay for twice weekly help--cleaning, errands-the kind of thing you BUY LTC for!) She was on board, YYB kiboshed it, read me the riot act (screaming at me until he was actually crying...and my 3 other sibs just SAT THERE.)
That was the turning point. I still tried to 'help' but it always got back to me that she was unhappy with what I was doing.
She'd complain of lack of space--and true, she can barely move the walker though the apartment) so I planned a quick 'one through' cleanup-NOTHING would be thrown away, it would be packed in bins and stored.
I got hollered at for that. SHE said "Oh, wonderful!!" YYB let me have it, big time.
I'm probably the stupidest person on the planet, but I kept going back for more. Thinking somehow something would change.
Nope, she's more in YYB's 'thrall' than ever.
In the meantime what are my 3 MIA sibs doing? Not a da&n thing. A phone call every couple months...maybe. Delivered flowers twice a year.
I have cancer. Dxed 2+ months ago and already have had 2 rounds of chemo. I am absolutely NOT allowed anywhere near where mother keeps her filthy feral cockatiels, whose cage has not been cleaned in over a year. YYB refuses to power wash it as it is NOT considered a 'health hazard' to mother. Feathers. dander, poop everywhere. Disgusting.
This weird quirk in me that makes me feel so responsible is just too much.
I went to tell her that I had cancer, thinking she might care, and what does she say "Oh, your dad will be so glad to see you!" (daddy has been gone for 15 years).
THIS is how my mother reacts to a life ending disease?????
I had my YB brother over the other night and explained to him that I CANNOT do anything for mom anymore and he needs to step up. She is showing some serious signs of dementia and he is POA. Told him, as a loving big sister that he's had 22 years of 'doing nothing' and got to take the end run. I am DONE.
He felt awful, Just awful, Very aware he's been neglectful and he has a very demanding wife---but this is HIS mother too.
He PROMISED he would see her once a week and talk to YYB about his behavior. We'll see, Talk is cheap.
Rant over, time for a post chemo nap.