Getting husband to an audiologist; any ideas of how to broach this with love and concern and not get angry?

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I've posted before about my DH and his untreated hearing loss. We just returned from a weeklong trip to the PNW where we have 4 grandkids. My son and his wife were absolutely shocked to see how bad hubby's hearing loss it. He couldn't hear any conversation--and I get that--a house that is NEVER quiet, a dog that barks nonstop and kids screaming all day--but he could sleep on the sofa without any problem through all the noise. Both son and DIL were angry AT ME for not pressing him to get his hearing checked. (As you may recall, if you've followed this) he says that he HAD his hearing checked 30 years ago and they couldn't help him. Refuses to go again. Well--even though I stood right in front of him, said "Can you hear me?" and he responded that he could, I reminded him to get some coats of his out of the closet. We come home, unpack and yep, no coats. Somehow this is my fault b/c I didn't remind him. I have already made an audiologist's appt. One month from today. I haven't told him--b/c I KNOW he is going to kick up a stink and make me the bad guy. He got yet another speeding ticket, which if he had STOPPED when the cop first went lights and sirens, probably wouldn't have been a problem, but he was oblivious and couldn't hear and actually went across state lines and that made the cop livid--so the ticket was really bad. He's on "probation" again for having so many tickets. Pretty soon he'll lose his driver's license, and if that happens--I don't know-- He misses SO MUCH!! He's become even more depressed and withdrawn. He slept much of this trip--due to a lingering cold and also just b/c he is always so sad. My DIL is a dr and VERY tough--ice cold, but kind--she really got after him about how lack of hearing can lead to early onset dementia, etc., and as much as he adores this woman, he was kind of angry (at me) for what he thought was an all out attack on him. (I hadn't said anything to my DIL). I find myself absolutely shouting at him, which has transferred over to my "regular" life where I have been told more than once I am talking VERY loudly. Embarrassing to the max. My DIL said she loves us to visit, but that I talk way too much. I was so ashamed, as I am so used to repeating myself over and over so my DH can hear me. Kind of just ranting. I did make the drs apt. I am going to tell him. My best guess is that he will not go and will be furious with me. Any ideas of how to broach this with love and concern and not get angry? My DIL "yelling" at me yesterday to please STOP TALKING just put me over the edge. I had to go lock myself in the guestroom and have a huge cry. I was shut down completely the rest of the day. Barely spoke, DIL did "apologize" but in a way that meant, "I'm sorry you got hurt, but I meant what I said". (She really intimidates me). Glad to come home and sad to be dealing with this same stupid problem I posted about 3 years ago.

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JoAnn29 - Hah! That is why I commented that I did not really care for the default to be "Newest First" - it is nice to have that selection, so that if you get an update you can get to that quickly, but I think it also adds a level of confusion. No need to apologize though - your comments might help anyone in this situation. Some of your suggestions cover other issues brought up, so they could be useful to OP.

Midkid58 - now that it has been several months, what was the outcome? Did your husband go to the appointment? Were they able to help your husband? Hearing aids or other options? If hearing aids, how are they working for him? If no help available (some hearing loss is not correctable), other suggestions from the "experts"?
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Sorry, just wrote all that and the post is from Feb. Oh well. Hope you got him to the ear dr.
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I remember your post. I also know how you feel. I am a talker too. I tend to go into "storys" giving background info for what I really want to say. My SIL even said something our last visit about my "little stories" in a way I knew she didn't appreciate them. My DH is deaf without his hearing aid. He has maybe 30% hearing in his right ear when wearing the aid. No hearing in his left. He has worn hearing aids most his life. We very rarely socialize with other couples because its hard for him to follow conversations. When we go out and run into people we know, I talk. When DH has said something, I tell him its my social time. I too, talk to loud at times. I just say, sorry, I live with a very hard of hearing husband.

When you talk to your husband, don't scream. Talk normally and when he says he can't hear tell him you r not going to scream. Only tell him what he needs to know. When you do talk, stand in front of him and look into his eyes. Make it short. When the time comes for the appt, tell him to do it for you. In 30 yrs things have improved a lot with hearing aids.

DIL, I understand intimidation. You could have apologized for the talking and said "sorry, guess its from living with an almost deaf person and no socializing" Also, I think talking too much is a nervous thing. As a Dr. she should understand that you cannot make a person do what they don't want to. I have a SIL like ur DIL and I very rarely visit her. I am always waiting for the shoe to drop. Doctors and teachers have "that way of talking" like they r talking to one of their patients or students. The two phrases I know you are a teacher, "this is unacceptable" and "there has been an incident".

It would be awhile before I visited your DIL. I really think she is disrepectable. You are her MIL. When asked why u haven't visited tell her, you really don't feel welcomed there. To say, we love having you but...is kind of contradictory. I bet you would never think of saying anything like that to her or anyone. Your feelings should mean something to her.

Its late here on the east coast so saying good night.
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robinr - there can be a delay sometimes posting, but in your case there is a post on Feb 26 regarding Costco, so it did post at some point. I was skimming through the messages after the latest post brought this thread up again. With "Newest First" selected, the post in question is on "Page" 3 (currently)

All - just my preference, but I'm not liking this "Newest First". Sure, I can change it to "Oldest First" but would prefer it to default to that. Newest is nice if you only want to see the most recent posts right away, however more often I don't get to these posts right away and I like to read through other's comments first before getting to the most recent ones - that way if I want to post something, I know whether someone else has already said it, how OP has responded, if anything new has developed, etc and can just back up the comment rather than repeating a similar comment. Normal progression of discussion from start to finish... I don't read books from the back to front cover!!! On a positive note, at least I can change it to Oldest...
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Tell him it's part of his annual check up, period, the end!
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BTW - be sure the doctor checks your loved one's ears for wax as well. It can be a great contributor to failing hearing. And if you aren't aware of it already if your family member is in an ALF and needs wax removal, by all means get with the concierge as there is normally someone that comes in (for a fee of course) on a regular basis that can take care of that so you can skip a trip to the doctor.

I know it's a lot when caring for Mom, Dad, or another family member, but my not-so-eloquent brother once told me, "Mom wiped our butts for years, it's time for all of us to do the same and show her the respect she deserves." And after raising 6 of us on a shoestring budget, he's right.

While it's difficult, and they don't seem like they are your parent(s) anymore, do the best you can. Remember the Baby Boomer generation is the largest single group of aging people on earth and there's not enough help or $$$to go around. Enlist family, friends, and scour the internet for resources. No one gets out of life alive, so try to make the best of it and the time left you have with the person who cared for you.
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This is a test:-) I have made sure to log in correctly. I responded nearly a week ago and my post did not show up which I questioned. As far as I know I did everything correctly and didn't hit any buttons in error and hit POST COMMENT. We are up to 5 pages of responses mine not among them. So here is what I suggested: Great service at our Costco, no frills, lower costs, all manufactured with a different name by the two biggest and most reputable companies, no hassle returns, longer times to try them out AND they now have rechargeable batteries...just stick them in a cup at night and in the morning you're good to go again. No constantly buying batteries.
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PB--I try to stay on her good side. I have an ok relationship with her and that is good enough.

I don' know why these hearing aids are so pricey either, but if hubby needs them and can benefit, I'd sell a kidney for him to get them!

Sendhelp--

All I can say is "good Luck". I've been screaming for years now, until hubby decided he would see an audiologist, it's been a constant battle, and I am exhausted.

Oh, and yeah, married for 42 years? He has tuned out the sound of my voice 100%. Sadly for him, all 4 of my daughters and I have the exact same voice--and when we're together it's worse. The poor sons in law--stereophonic "wife voice". (We're all very, very nice, but very very loud.)
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Midkid,
Your story resonates with me. I feel like a parrot!
Concerns these last 2 days, he has started a new behavior, says he did not hear me.
I think it is psychological.
Even so, will get his hearing checked.
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Midkid - I hope you will always be on your DIL's good side.

I don't understand why hearing aids have to cost so much, $3-$5 K. The latest iphone is a powerful technological mini computer and can do a zillion things and still cost 1/3 of the hearing aids which only have one function. If I have to guess, prices are so high because there is no real competition, and the manufacturers can charge the insurance whatever price they want.
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