I haven't done anything yet. Wondering why fight with dement and her guardian. I'm not sure what to do at this point, and am more concerned with my SIL dying of Stage IV Cancer, sent to her daughter's on Hospice, than my mom's tirades, shennanigans, and false accusations. Heard from my attorney last week who said the court wants him to sign off, but he didn't attach what he said he would, for me to sign. So tired of the system. But I will have to work with it till the end...and beyond, as executrix of their estate (or what's left of it). Right now, treading water. Thanks for asking.
She is an Incapacitated individual, with a mental health condition, and dementia. Doesn't that make a difference? I'm thinking of taking my dad to his home, and stopping this nonsense.
Police Protection? SS if your mom is giving the OK for things to be removed to these people, there is nothing the police can do. If a person gives permission thats it.
The worst is when mom is giving things away "voluntarily," thinking I am the one swindling her. Dement does strange things to a person's brain. They have her convinced she's a victim to the one who's been doing everything for her and my dad for the past 2-1/2 years. Sad. Just visited my dad at the nursing home (mom, ~his wife, rarely does). He told the nurse I am his daughter. So cool he knows who I am. I'm glad he doesn't know what's going on behind the scenes. Thanks, everyone. We will probably seek police protection about all this. I know mom's guardian doesn't give a rip.
I'm so sorry that you are experiencing this soul sucking behavior from the people you WISH you could trust but you know you can't.
Maybe you should make your own raid on mom's house and put some antiques/valuables away just in case these idiots continue to screw the pooch and you still have to come up with support for your mom.
My mom had a circle of morons around her that were trying their best to get what they thought was the 'loot' and I got reported to Adult Protective Services... the same deal but I didn't have a sib who interfered... just moms 'friends' and I was able to get them to step waaay back. With a little distance mom actually had lucid moments where she could see what they were trying to do.
I mention the above story because it was so hard for me to deal with just that and what you have are the trials of Job. It makes my experience pale in comparison and like i said I know how hard it was for me.
SS you have my absolute Respect for your grace in this. I think it would kill a lesser human being.
My family has been dealing with several dysfunctional things since it's roots. Mental illness in one, affected everyone, and continues to this day. Every day I find something new to disgust me in connection with their actions. No hope for change, and some should know better. Getting tired of the battle.
You know, the longer I live, the lesson I am learning is that I can only please God and that still, small voice of His I hear inside me guiding me and telling me what to do. I can't please other people, so I no longer aim to please other people. I simply aim to please God. When I lay my head on my pillow at night, if I know I'm doing the best I can regarding my father's care, and that I am following God's guidance in life and in my soul, then that is the best I can do, and let the chips fall where they may. I believe that one day God will right every wrong and justice will be served. Secret Sister, I have seen your goodness and sensitivity on this site. I support you and hope that you are able to "hold up" through the challenges that you are going through right now. I'll be pulling for you...
Tennessee, Bravo!!!!!!!! The system is all about the almighty dollar and winning at any cost. Fairness, justice, doing what's right don't matter anymore. Just sue the c**p outta everybody, ruin them financially, drag their name through the mud and make sure the lawyers leave with full pockets. It's sad, very sad. My mom told me to be careful what I said to her because she knew the elderly were protected and could get away with stuff. Wow, chalk one up for you mom, you were right.
Just as people don't understand caregiving and dying unless they live through it,people don't understand how broken and corrupt the legal system is until they,themselves are involved.The courts and lawyers profit greatly from the disfunction.There is no justice in the judicial system,and lawyers know this better than anyone.Most people are very naive when it comes to this topic.Common sense,fairness,none of these have any place in the justice system.Good luck because you will need it.
It's so complicated. Mostly it's family dynamics, and mental health issues, with no restraint. What a nightmare. Then, enter friends, etc. Mom wants things the way they were, but is slipping into dement. Sis and her son are absconding whatever their heart desires, with mom's blessing, screwing over me and my dad. Out of control people don't like people messing with their plans. I was trying to be reasonable and fair. That's not welcome in this game. The guardian just want peace, her $60 a month, and perhaps a piece of furniture or two. I have been "divorced" from mom, because her new found "friends" are now her so called "new family." They support her wacked out ideas, and ousted me. Can't quite figure out the guardian, but she's protecting mom's "right" to make wacked out decisions, dissipating the estate. It's so not right, kind of like Washington. Greed, power, and covetousness. Hmmmm. Nothing new under the sun. I'm going to investigate $$valuable$$ items reported "missing," with the help of...? Dad hasn't a clue what's going on, but if he were able to stop it, he would! Since he can't, I am his advocate/representative. I have to try to preserve some of the so-called "protected" estate. Or are only individuals protected? From what, and from whom? Dysfunction rules. My mom has been deemed Incapacitated, but has the "right" to dissipate her own estate, apparently, whether it makes sense, or is reasonable. Seems mom's not the only one with a disorder...what a messed up system! Meanwhile, the guardian says she is "getting worse..." (memory, judgment, etc.) So, correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't that the job of a guardian to protect them from stuff like this? And silver, diamonds, gold, antiques, etc., are going away to various and sundry places. It's a free-for-all, or should I say, may the craftiest one get the best/most loot?!
SecretSis, I find your situation alarming. Possessions being taken, Guardian not concerned, the friend who caused problems is now involved in causing more. You have a right to be hacked off. I sense you are also angry about this woman, your mom's friend, overstepping into a family situation. I may be wrong. I know I would be. Is this woman the one stealing your parents' belongings? Or is your mom accusing you? It sounds like a huge mess. You definitely need to persue it and get some questions answered.
Secret Sis, when she was appointed a Court Guardian, was everything laid out on the table. If I had to go through this I would definetely see the plans on how money is to be handled, and how I (or you in this instance) would be consulted at all, or if they are given over to a Court Guardian that they have complete control of all the monies. Was there anything laid out...I would think some document would entail all of this.
And ...yeah it is a big deal! Her mother's money is being tanked and possesions are disapearing! Very scary!
It does seem like you're making a big deal out of it, but I can understand how you would. She's getting paid for what you did for 2 years without a dime. I don't know what kind of charges could be filed for that, so you' d have to let me know about that.
Theft, well depending on the value could be Grand Theft which is a Felony and if you can prove that I say go for it.
I suppose because most of my family problems have pretty much been worked out, I feel a little more at ease about things now and I choose now to pick my battles. If this is yours again I say go for it.
No matter how badly you might have been taken advantage of, $100 per month for services rendered by non-family does not seem like something to complain about.
Try to be objective and think about what taxis and similar alternatives cost today.
Because you or I did it all for free doesn't mean the rest of the world should.
I really believe I should report this woman for financial exploitation. And the court appointed guardian is the one paying this woman monthly, with no accountability for mileage. As an "interested party" (daughter), I plan to pursue and file charges, ask for an investigation, and report this woman for abusing not only my mother, but me! I never got $100 a month for transporting my mom. In fact, I used money out of my own pocket to drive back and forth over 200 miles each way to care for mom for over 2 years. I didn't get paid to do that. Why should this "friend" get paid, and not be accountable to the court, interested parties, or the guardian? What is wrong with our legal and justice system? Mom is also reporting gold wedding bands "missing," and more... This gets uglier by the minute.
Talked to State Police tonight, and will be doing a lot more of that in the days ahead. And filing a petition with the court, and charges, and a restraining order. This has got to stop NOW!!! I can't believe it! This is the same woman who put a wedge between me and my mom, and is now profiting from it. And mom's new guardian has no problem with this ? ! ? ! ? Antiques and silver are disappearing from my parent's home, and the guardian said she is not responsible. Mom is an incapacitated individual, who is supposed to be protected. Now what do I do? The people that were supposed to protect her are allowing this! They demanded I account for every penny, and now this!? Outrageous! Chicken Little syndrome again. I hate our judicial system!!!!!
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Maybe I just misunderstood.
Onward and Upward SS and you know we'll be here for you.
Angel!
lovbob
I'm so sorry that you are experiencing this soul sucking behavior from the people you WISH you could trust but you know you can't.
Maybe you should make your own raid on mom's house and put some antiques/valuables away just in case these idiots continue to screw the pooch and you still have to come up with support for your mom.
My mom had a circle of morons around her that were trying their best to get what they thought was the 'loot' and I got reported to Adult Protective Services... the same deal but I didn't have a sib who interfered... just moms 'friends' and I was able to get them to step waaay back. With a little distance mom actually had lucid moments where she could see what they were trying to do.
I mention the above story because it was so hard for me to deal with just that and what you have are the trials of Job. It makes my experience pale in comparison and like i said I know how hard it was for me.
SS you have my absolute Respect for your grace in this. I think it would kill a lesser human being.
People suck.
lovbob
The system is all about the almighty dollar and winning at any cost. Fairness, justice, doing what's right don't matter anymore. Just sue the c**p outta everybody, ruin them financially, drag their name through the mud and make sure the lawyers leave with full pockets. It's sad, very sad.
My mom told me to be careful what I said to her because she knew the elderly were protected and could get away with stuff. Wow, chalk one up for you mom, you were right.
Is this woman the one stealing your parents' belongings? Or is your mom accusing you? It sounds like a huge mess. You definitely need to persue it and get some questions answered.
And ...yeah it is a big deal! Her mother's money is being tanked and possesions are disapearing! Very scary!
Theft, well depending on the value could be Grand Theft which is a Felony and if you can prove that I say go for it.
I suppose because most of my family problems have pretty much been worked out, I feel a little more at ease about things now and I choose now to pick my battles. If this is yours again I say go for it.
Try to be objective and think about what taxis and similar alternatives cost today.
Because you or I did it all for free doesn't mean the rest of the world should.
But the thefts are a searate story.
Talked to State Police tonight, and will be doing a lot more of that in the days ahead. And filing a petition with the court, and charges, and a restraining order. This has got to stop NOW!!! I can't believe it! This is the same woman who put a wedge between me and my mom, and is now profiting from it. And mom's new guardian has no problem with this ? ! ? ! ? Antiques and silver are disappearing from my parent's home, and the guardian said she is not responsible. Mom is an incapacitated individual, who is supposed to be protected. Now what do I do? The people that were supposed to protect her are allowing this! They demanded I account for every penny, and now this!? Outrageous! Chicken Little syndrome again. I hate our judicial system!!!!!