What is the funniest thing your aging parent has said to you lately?

I read an amusing question in a UK post from someone I know to be quite gullible bless her. She is a carer for her Mum and was asked on April 1st (our April Fools Day) if she had registered herself as a carer with the government (which she doesnt have to do of course). She said no and asked what she should have done....bless her. They told her she needed to complete 2 forms. They werent sure what they were called but it was form 5H1T and a P155 well bless her she rang the relevant office and asked the question - the man on the phone said..... I think you may have been the butt of an Aprils fools joke my dear. Write it down in capitals and you will see why. She was mortified but I have to say while I understand how she felt I did giggle .... a lot

You're doing well Francis - the morning Mum woke me up (at stupid o'clock -something like 3.30 am) she poked me so hard in the face that it scabbed over. I have to say it was momentary and never happened again but in that moment I tell you I could easily have put that walking stick somewhere the sun dont shine and yes I d*mned nearly did hit her purely because I wondered who the hell was trying to kill me at silly oclock - it was an automatic reaction. These days she is now mostly using a rollator indoors outside of that a wheelchair - the stick was consigned to the bin immediately. Have I wanted to hit her? No....Have I wanted to hit her with a few home truths about the person she was ? Oh god yes at least 3 times a day

LOL Sometimes it's almost as if you are watching a Monty Python skit! I was driving the other day, Mom in passenger seat, and I went to lift the center console and she said "I thought you were going to hit me on the head"
I said" I'd NEVER hit you!!"
She: "No, but I bet you've thought about it"....
What??? Seriously?? I mean, where in the world does "she" go when the craziness comes back??? It's almost like multiple personality disorder. And for the record, I've never thought about hitting her either, just running far, far away and screaming at the top of my lungs...

chef^ I so wish I could type

So today I asked what would like for lunch Mum? Fish - no surprise there then. Having anticipated this I said great I have got some rainbow trout for you is that ok? I said I wanted fish not meat why dont you listen ...wha are you an idiot? Clearly not going to win this one I sarcastically said no I am the hcef I thought you might have liked rainbow trout with lemon and prawn sauce and some steamed vegetable ....Hmmmmm she said that would be good. I give up!

Evident1 - I thought your recount of you and your father's plane ride was so funny. I was just imagining the image you and the flight attendant. Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that my dad is now grunting like that! It is soooo weird to him softly grunting. Every time I hear him grunting, I think of you and your story.

Depressing. I think I might have the beginnings of dementia, too. I wonder if my doctor will take me seriously. Twice I just care back from lunch. Went to the restroom. Then walked out of the building to go home or to lunch. I'm getting waaaay too forgetful. All those stress and daily headaches killing my brain cells.

Glad, it sounds like L does have it. My dad never hid his forgetfulness. We just attributed it to old age. I cannot even do that. He must be very worried about it and being in denial.

Anon, yes L, he is masking his cognitive decline as my Mom did for probably five years. It must scare him to death as he has watched my Mom, who is now entering the later stages dementia and has been working on her for about 10 years now. Maybe even sooner. She was always losing something even when I was in high school, a very long time ago.

Glad, the consultant in geriatric psychiatry that my Mum has been seeing has said that mum is already in the moderate stage of dementia that means one of two things the first of which is impossible according to him.
1. She skipped the first stage
2. She knew something was wrong and masked it.
Apparently as we get older we DO mask little problems and even when we notice that the problems are increasing we still try to mask them and he thinks that it exactly what she had done for probably about 2-3 years and I have to say she has done it damned well because while I thought some things were 'odd' I wasn't aware it was dementia

This morning she asked what that thing on the table was. And asked what the printer was and what yet another blanket was. Really is all that starting to leave her?

Took Mom with Alzheimer's to day care on Friday. Returned home, her hubby, L was just finishing breakfast. He then says to me, I just broke a tooth. I am thinking well there goes any part of a day I might have had. I called the dentist who wanted to know if L was having any pain. L said no. Dentist said as long as there isn't any pain we can wait to see him until next week, call on Monday morning.

Later Friday, I offered him a caramel, his favorite. He declined saying he better not have anything that chewy and sticky with the tooth problem. Then thinking about it I thought that was a good idea since the sugar may get in there and start causing pain.

Called the dentist yesterday morning and got L over there about 11:30. The dentist then came out and told me he thought he had the bridge fixed! WHAT?! No wonder there was no pain!

The sad part is that I now am fairly certain that dementia is starting in him as well. L told me he knew it was his bridge, but I don't think he did, and possibly not until the dentist told him. They cover up so well in the early stages.

Maybe I will laugh tomorrow, I know the dentist is.

I agree, Geo123 - much needed humor right now, when it's in short supply around here!

LOL - all of you are giving me a good laugh at the beginning of the week. Thanks!

Morning caregiver walked in this morning. She is a fussbutt...always...means well, though. Anyway, she came in and the dogs were ripping up a Kleenex on the rug by the door while I was getting mom settled in the living room. She's fussing at the dogs and ma says to her "you know what Dee and I would like?" Caregiver replies "what?". Mom says "if just one day you'd walk in the door and not complain". Oh, sh*t. Caregiver responds "well okay then, I won't say ANYTHING!". My mom responds with...wait for it..."well, that would be a treat!". Some days mom's real clear...guess today was one of them.

Sometimes it's not what they say but what they do.......My Mom used to look forward to going places for instance like a doctors appointment. So there we would sit, everyone is quiet and patiently waiting for their appointment. Mom would ALWAYS notice an awkward moment that some stranger would be experiencing such as when thier name is called, thier pants would get stuck in the crack and remain there while they unknowingly walked away. My Mom would come up with these hilarious looks on her face, and of course I would see them because I was watching her, watch the other people. And then I would try desperatly not to laugh out loud, which in turn then she would attempt to do the same. Then it was even harder because no one else knew what we were doing or why something was so funny and the room was so quiet. Kind of like being in church. We would laugh so hard that the two of us would have tears running down our cheeks! My Mom was very entertaining!

OMGOSH, LOL, we all do need these funny breaks, it helps us hold onto our sanity. Got one for you. My dad was 84 in 2009, already well into his ALZ and Dementia. I was taking him to see a dear friend in the hospital. He refused to use a walker or wheelchair, but would use a cane but someone had to hold onto him on the opposite side and about drag him along (not a good idea, this puts both at a fall risk). But pride, you know. Anyway, as we were struggling down the long hallways, him about pushing himself into the wall and me doing my best to hold him upright, a nurse stopped us and said "Please! You are struggling! Do you need a wheelchair!?". My father looked her dead in the eye and sincerely replied, "Oh, no thank you, my daughter needs to walk around a bit, it was a long drive". It took everything that the nurse and I had to not burst out right then and there and LOL.

First, I should start by mentioning that I'm Mom's financial POA. and take care of all her money.

Saturday, we grilled steaks as a little treat to celebrate the good weather finally arriving. Mom was halfway through eating her steak and seemed uncomfortable. Finally, we realized that she had to go to the bathroom. We assured her that she should go and that we probably wouldn't eat her steak on her. ;-)

We had a hard time convincing her and, at one point, she looked at me and said, "I trust you with my money, but I don't trust you with my steak!"

After one of my mother's first knee replacement I arranged for her to go to the care facility nearest my home. When I visited after the first night she clutched my arm and pleaded with me to get her off of the boat. "What boat?" I said, and she told me she had spent the night in the hold of a boat with a lot of sweating, swearing, stinky sailors. I decided to spend the next night by her bed since she was clearly delusional -- and discovered to my chagrin that indeed some care facilities at night are exactly like that -- full of swearing, screaming, stinky patients. I took her home ASAP....

Trying I would have died if Id seen that - you have just got to giggle or you'd weep. Mum is absolutely insistent today that if she doesnt behave the police will wrap her in a blanket and put her in the ovens. That and there are cats in her ward and a man came and had sex with his wife in there last night. Clearly not quite all there yet but I had to ask...how do you KNOW he had sex with his wife. She was moaning all the time he was in there. Well I had to laugh.... she is in a ward where they all moan call out or shout so getting this dear lady who is over 90 onto the commode probaly was a moaning experience and I said as muc....Oh no says me mum I used to make those sounds when your Dad and I had sex and did she say it quietly oh god no. Oh heavens too much information - the poor man visiting the lady opposite my mum had to leave the ward he was in tears of laughter

My sister and Mom continue to bring Dad to work the flea market on Sundays. I have my reservations but I'm letting that go.
Mom sends Dad up to the lunch counter to get food...by himself (walker, balance issues, dementia...again letting go, letting gooo...) Apparently last Sunday when he got to the counter he pulled his pants down (Depends stayed put thank goodness). The gal at the counter said J! You can't do that here! Dad just glared at her and stuttered "I'm looking for my money!" "My wife put it in here"

My dad has foot issues
Everyday I must wash his feet and apply medication
Today when I was washing his feet
I said"Gee Dad I guess I am like Jesus washing feet"
Dad replied "Bring me my hammer nails and the wood out of the Garage I will tend to you Jesus at noon"

MY MOM ALWAYS SAYS...NURSING HOME IS FOR OLD PEOPLE...( SHES 90)...ALSO ONE DAY I WAS IN KITCHEN DOING DISHES WHEN I HEAR HER YELLING AT THE TV...."OH MAURY,..I HATE WHEN THEM FAT WOMEN START TWEARKING..."..LOL

OMGoodness I love this thread. so many funny but tender stories!

Mum is still in hospital and I am not allowed to visit - funny in itself really because I picked up a DV infection from her in the first place (if you dont call it DV then it is evacuation from both ends of the body!) Today my daughter visited and then rang me so I could speak to her. Clearly Mum is now on the mend or we are having a rallying of some sort because the phone clal went like this.
Hi Mum hows you
What do you care you never visit
I was there yesterday Mum do you remember - in the morning and the afternoon and then again in the evening - and the day before I stayed there all day with you?
Yes but you give up easily just as well xxxx (my dughter) comes or Id have noone
Well they wont let me come in mum because I might make you ill again
I havent been THAT ill
SILENCE(now clearly Mum is lucid and knows where she is)
Okaaay Mum so how are you
Well Im fine but the wedding was dreadful. They got married in a FIELDS. There were women is silly orange hats (hmm that could be the picture of orange freesias in her room) they wouldnt let me have cake and I cant get your Dad out fo the bar thats why I need you for goodness sake.....(OK perhaps not quite so lucid Dads been dead 18 years and Mums in an acute medical ward)

Mom's tastebuds have changed. She doesn't like some of the food she used to eat. I've been trying different things. Made roasted Brussels sprouts last night - first time either of us has had them. They're actually quite good! Anyway, Mom took a couple of bites and thought they were pretty good. Then all at once she looked up at me and said with an apologetic smile "I don't think these will be one of my favorites". I laughed and agreed. A few minutes later I catch her feeding them to the pups after I've told her a dozen times not to. Before I could "scold" her she got an impishly proud grin on her face and said "well, the dogs like them!" I shook my head and told her if she gives them the runs, she's cleaning it up. Fat chance.

Tonight my Mom said I was beautiful. I told her that she was beautiful too and that she glowed. She said " I haven't been drinking"..... :)

My mother (in a NH) eats next to nothing so rarely poops. She said if she could get a can of dog food to eat she'd poop. My response? "All that would make you do is turn around three times before you got into bed".

Sheesh I don't even feed my dogs canned muck.

Evident, oh dear, that is hilarious!

This isn't what he said it is the funniest thing that happened with my husband. I happened on our journey back to Britain. He has an awful unstoppable habit of "humphing" as I call it. It is "Hmff, hmff, hmff," all day as he breathes out. Well in the air plane my had asked my son, who was travelling with us to take over and excersise his dad for me by walking him around the plane. On his return my son was alone so I asked "Where's Dad?" "In the loo". Mad as I snake I rushed back to the toilet area and found my husband still on the toilet but with a dirty nappy around his ankles and excrement all down his legs. Being the practical person I am and sizing up the minuteness of the plane's toilet, I dropped to my knees in front of him folded the nappy over as best to contain its cargo and yanked his trousers off . I slammed the door shut and was about to tackle the task in front of me when there came an urgent, excited banging on the toilet door. Now bear in mind what I said earlier. There he was "Hmff, hmff,hmff" and his trousers outside the door with me, a woman, locked in the toilet with him.! A passing Stewardess was frantically trying to stop us becoming members of the Mile High Club! I couldn't help but burst out laughing. I opened the door and as she sized up the true situation her face took on the mixed look of surprise, embarrassment and mirth. I hope you caught the joke of it.

Tonight we brought dinner to Mom and Dad. Lately Dad has been having difficulty navigating his meals. He forgets he has a plate in front of him and starts eating out of the serving bowls or he will be holding bread in one hand and grab another hunk with his other hand. It is a little sad but funny too.
In the past few weeks he has developed a voracious appetite for salad. Tonight when all the salad was gone from his bowl he stood up and grabbed the salad tongs and started eating right from the big salad bowl. He wouldn't even sit down he just stood there with the tongs eating one mouthful after another until the whole bowl was empty. When my Mom asked him if he would rather use a fork he just looked at her like she was nuts. I almost peed myself trying not to bust out laughing!