What is the funniest thing your aging parent has said to you lately?

Mom passed away 3 years ago in August, but there were two things she said I don't think I'll ever forget. Before she got really sick and had to be in NH, I used to take her to her appointments and shopping every week. The shopping was done on the same day, same time so she would remember. She like to make a little list and I would check to make sure she had what she needed. She liked an apple each day, so we would get as many as she needed for the week. On one particular day, she still had all the apples from the previous week so in the store I said she didn't need any this week - her response was "I eat an apple every day"! I then asked her why the apples were still in her fridge; she answered, "I don't know - they just keep coming"! The other one was an expression she used "Oh dear, bread and beer" - she never drank a day in her life!

I was sending her to the senior day care and she said am I going to the orphanage again ? Lol

My dad would accuse me of things, but usually behind my back. Lately, he's bold. With me in the room, he would say, "K is taking my money. I don't know what she is doing with my money."

Today, he has another accusation. My dad is a hoarder despite being bedridden. He will keep his vinegar water for days. He also keeps trying to save the empty plastic container of his chocolate drink. I know him. He will use these plastic bottles to keep his vinegar drink. So, when I come across it, I throw it away.

After drinking one tonight, knowing I'm there, he said, "I need to hide this bottle. If K sees it, she will throw it." Because it's so true, I started laughing. He looked startled and started laughing so hard.

Deb, your mom may not have noticed the pain. Elderly frequently do not experience the pain, fever, etc that usually goes along with a UTI. This is especially true if they have dementia. I have wondered if it is some brain signal pathway that causes that. When my Mom has a UTI you can bet she will become more confused, agitated, once she had stroke symptoms. All they found wrong was the UTI.

Mom wasn't feeling well earlier this week and wanted to go to the ER. Once there, they asked her all the usual questions about pain, etc. She said she had NO pain anywhere. Turns out she has a nasty UTI. I say "Mom, UTIs are painful, it had to hurt to pee." She admitted it did hurt. When I asked her why she didn't speak up, she replied: "I was just testing them. I wanted to see if they would find it without me saying it." No one could keep a straight face, not even the ER doctor!

Oh MidKid! LOL I've often said, "out of the mouths of babes" has nothing on "out of the mouths of elders". My own mom has done the same thing - said things that totally floored me.

Mother (85) had a cage full of cockatiels, 4 in a space designed for one. Evidently one was a female and the other 3, males. The poor female was being "loved" to death. Mother said, one day "Oh, this is so sweet, Watch my birds making love"! I looked over and said, "Oh mom, that's not LOVE that's a full on gang-bang. Let's PLEASE get them separate cages". She was shocked and said "I wish I had had that much action in my life". I had to leave her place I was laughing so hard. Sadly, the female bird did actually die the next week from so much "lovin'.

My parents don't like the fact that they can't drive anymore due to age related decline, and I don't always have time to drive them.

Dad said he was going to start driving again... it's been six years since he was back behind the wheel, since then this eyesight has faded and his knees don't work well. I reminded Dad of that.

Then Dad said he was going to have Mom do the driving.... I reminded Dad that Mom [she 97] is legally blind.... doesn't matter as Dad said he could tell her when to stop, when to go, when to turn, etc. Ok.

Then I had to remind Dad that Mom is also deaf.

Great-aunt Y hates taking her shower, and hates even more getting her hair washed. She'll outright refuse to do it once in a while, especially if I tell her beforehand. So I've taken to letting her get washed off first, then producing the shampoo and announcing "Time to wash your hair!"
Anyways, she can rinse her hair out for ten minutes and still think she has shampoo in it, so I just rinse it out for her most of the time because I don't exactly want to stand there for half an hour while she gets soap out of her hair that isn't even there (all the while complaining how cold she is, but unwilling to just put the stupid shower thing down and get out of the tub).
Last hair-wash day, I rinsed her hair out; I even did it a second time just to satisfy her. But she still insisted she had soap in her hair. I told her no, she didn't, and turned the water off. She got that jutting-chin, narrowed-eye look and started arguing while I gave her her towels. I turned to leave the room and she said, "How about I hold you down and soap you all over?"
I couldn't get out of there fast enough, I was cracking UP. You'd have to know her, and hear the tone of her voice, but it was hilarious.

90 yr old late stage ALZ father, bed-ridden, COPD, black lung which is a coal miner disease, bed sores, arthritis, infections, Hospice patient, barely eats or drinks, can't roll himself to the side, etc...can't even assist in moving him from bed to wheelchair if he needs to be taken out of the bed; he has to be physically lifted as in a fireman's carry position, incontinent, zero late stage memory, down to 108 pounds and he is 5'8"....the other day he is talking about his age and how well he feels and how happy he is, saying "I am 90 years old, no stress, people do for me, I'm content, and at least I STILL HAVE MY MIND".....I had to leave the room.....lol

In June, I went on a 2 week vacation. I told my dad the news about a week before my departure. Sure enough,he tried the guilt trip. It's now July. And he just suddenly asked me a serious question. "Did you take your car on your trip?"

I didn't know where that question came from. Because I didn't answer right away, he repeated the question.

I finally replied, "No. If I took the car, it would sink in the ocean."
Uhm..the only way out of here is by airplane. We live in an island, not in the mainland.

My mom had a very bad night on Sunday (very delusional and scary hallucinations). She's in AL and starting calling me frequently between 12 midnight and 2:00 AM. She stated that it was an emergency and that I must come over because "they" were trying to move her out, were taking her clothes, and that we needed to contact a lawyer etc. I finally stopped answering her calls. When I spoke to her the next day, she told me that I sounded better! I could only laugh at that point...

I walked in to check on my mother when she commented she needed someone to nag her. What did you say mom, you need someone to what, nag you? I can do that! I was holding my laughter in of course as I kept a straight face and asked her again. You need someone to nag you? I need someone to nag me...you know, keep me in line. Oh I know mom, trouble is who can we get that would be able to keep you in line. She needs someone to nag her. Is she for real?

Mom asked Dad if they had to go to the flea market on Sunday and of course he said yes. I asked him why and he said he had to meet a customer. Then Mom asked what customer? Dad said you know that Pinocchio guy. Then he looked confused and embarrassed, as if he realized what he said made no sense . A second later though he got this silly grin on his face and said "...and Tweety Bird, I thought I saw a puddy cat!" He and I both cracked up. Poor Mom just looked upset.

Bloody isnt here either if you are referring to a steak that is rare or a finger that is cut glad and yes I was sneaking around waiting to hear you offer one of my fave foods then I was going to jump out and steal it. I adore squid with garlic mayo love love love it.

Mum knows who I am today she told the doctors at the hospital that if I wasnt such a pig she would like me a bit - cheers mum

Jude, was that you listening over my shoulder on Sunday? I always tease my mom that she is going to have squid and sauerkraut. But, my mom only sticks out her tongue. And remember "bloody" is not considered swearing on this side of the pond. But the fat cow stuff, my mom stares and points at large people frequently. I feel like cutting off her bloody finger! LOL!

Oh my goodness, Jude! LOL

My mother has started to lose control over appropriate speech too.

She has never ever been able to be really up front about what she wants needs etc. If we go out for dinner she always has what someone else does rather than make a decision for herself ...drives me nuts so I always choose something she wont eat just to be difficult! Now dementia is setting in it is much much worse

Today was a point in question - what sre YOU having ...squid says I knowing she hates it and then she said really loudly why cant you bloody choose something I like for once. Well I nearly fell off my chair and then saw the funny side of things. Mum NEVER swears she would always say it is only people who dont have the skills to speak effectively who find the need to swear - well that would be me then because I am awful for it especially when driving (because of course I am the best driver in the world [not!])

Anyway for her to swear was such a shock; for her to swear loudly even more so and in such a public place like a small restaurant unbelievable. The waitress was speechless and mum realised she had said something wrong but wasn't sure what so she made it SO much better by saying - what are you looking at you fat cow? We had dinner at home today - I really couldnt tolerate the embarrassment.

After we had eaten she said I like your cooking better than going to my daughters - Im glad you took me out of there.....Ho hum I am the only daughter she has so am I the fat cow or does she think I am the carer - either way she clearly didnt want to eat there!

yes, we get that, tlhanger. Trust me.

She wants to go home.

I have to tell you guys a funny that happened this morning. I went to see mom and she was in the therapy room, so I took her back to her room for breakfast and then back to the therapy room to finish her exercises. They had her working with her hands and I asked if they were going to work with her legs today - the therapists said she wasn't on the list for it - I asked why, because that's the goal, is to get her walking so she can go home. The therapist said Mom walked from her bed to the bathroom and back today, but had trouble getting the toothpaste out of the tube, so they were working with her hands. I was happy she had walked so much, and said maybe she could get home sooner - the therapist said no, we should use the full 20 days that Medicare pays for, because it will help Mom - and Mom looked up at her and said, "SHADDUP!" The therapist looked at her and said, "What??" - so mom repeated it.

The therapist was a little shocked that my easy-going, mild-mannered Mom said that - twice. LOL

As we were in an area with lakes and cows and the like it was inevitable that the children are going to fall in something rather foul smelling at some point especially when it is slippery after the rain. One little girl was sat in her pretty frock with a cow pat splurged on the back of it. I think I may have used virtually a whole pack of wet wipes to try and get her into a state where she wouldnt stink her mums car out. After I had done I taught her a rhyme I learned as a child: Little seagull flying high dropped a morsel from the sky ooooh said xxxxxxx(insert relevant name) with a sigh its a good job cows dont fly. At least it put a smile back on her face bless her

No idea about this one. The previous one is a Midwestern one. It's probably a way to annoy their parents, just like whatever we did to annoy OUR parents when we were kids.

However, I also quite frequently get the recitation about "beans" (the musical fruit...) and I get the impression that one is fairly widespread across the US.

Geo -

The lidl boids're on the wing -
Ain't that absoid?
The lidl wings're on the boid!

I have absolutely no idea why the anthology I saw this quoted in insisted it had to be recited with a New York accent. Can you enlighten me on that???

We hear from our parents how much better education was for their generation, how they learned the three "R"s because children did what they were supposed to, listened to their parents, got a quality education, etc...

Those of you who have heard that ad nauseum throughout your lives might get a chuckle out of this little ditty from my Mom's children, as I know they learned such elevated poetry and such:

Spring is sprung,
The flowers riz,
I wonder where the birdies is.

Woman on a mission here. I got really incensed and rang them back. Luckily I didnt get the same woman. Ah yes she said you rang earlier how can I help? Well if you look at the notes you will see you haven't paid me says I politely - yes yes I can see that how can I help you? I can so feel the steam starting to brew. Well I would like a call back from a manager please.....through gritted teeth ....hmmmmmm she is clearly reading the notes that probably tell her i have already rung them over 10 times and that I am quite cross. let me put you through to our senior advisor....

OKaaay says I thinking I am going to kill someone soon. Male voice very stern I believe you think you have been underpaid? In that sort of silk sarcy tone I know so well - hell I use it a lot! No no sir I dont (I like to wrong foot them)

Oh Im sorry I misunderstood....

I am wanting to speak to someone senior because for the last 10 weeks I have been talking to what I can only class as incompetent fools... and before you get cross with me I completed all the forms twice, I sent in the documents 3 times, I have been told it has been referred 4 times and lied to 3 of those times to my knowledge and now I am told you are overworked...well in my capacity as an ex senior manager of a corporation we had one motto to staffing. If you do it right first time you get less phone calls, make life easier for everyone ineternal and external and therefore can manage effectively and this is not what I am seeing is it.

Well he says you will be pleased to know your payment has been approved from April 25th...

Explosion time.....I sent in forms dated 25/1 have you got those ...YES hes said
So why only from April 25th ...erm erm erm erm erm and a whole host more splutters

Right I am now placing a time limit on this...if I dont hear from you in the next 60 minutes I will take this to the press and I will twitter until it goes viral and believe me I have no joy in saying this but it will happen additionally I will talk to my brand spanky new MP and he will take notice because he wont want bad press either.

Erm erm erm I will see what I can do.

No you wont I dont want you to see what you can do I want it rectified in the next hour.

15 minutes later result oversight apology is there anything else we can do for you?

Yes you can send your staff to proper training on effective working and total quality management....or sack them

No sense of humour? well actually he laughed and said I can understand why you feel that way. I can therefore only conclude that there is a human working there it just takes 3 months to find them

Jude, another April Fools' Day fun-and-games was that all the Carers' Assessments got bundled under another structure - the finances advisor who came to see us about mother's funding gave me strict instructions to get mine redone. Academic now, for me; but my guess is that your application has got tangled up among all the parcels being passed? God knows who's supposed to be doing what. Can you retrace your application to the beginning and start your calls there? Though quite honestly by the time you've done all the admin involved it's amazing there are 35 hours left in the week for sleeping, never mind caregiving. Sorry you're having a frustrating time of it. Is your local CarersUK branch any help?

Jude, you are a riot (or at least could instigate one hahaha)!

Im desperately clinging on to mine - today wasnt one of those days - courtesy of DWP CM (thats like your state payments to carers for those of you in USA) I get a huge amount from them as CM will know it is now 62.10 a week providing I do over 35 hours a week - it does not increase with increased care needs.

I have been trying for 15 weeks to get payment reinstated and today was told they are understaffed
their workload is high
I couldnt possibly understand what has to be considered
Now I actually dont care if they are understaffed
I dont think they know what a high workload is
And as an ex senior manager in a corporation I suspect I could understand what has to be considered

Sorry sense of humour took over - I said since I aman honours graduate and not an imbecile perhaps you couldn't explain it to me in terms I wouldn't find patronizing, add that to the fact that you are not confined to caring for someone who can emit faecal and urine output at any given time day or night and demand my attention immediately , add to that the fact that you are not constantly having to talk to idiots who think you are an imbecile , I think I would happily swap positions - h*ll I might even get paid too!

I thought it was funny she didnt - still no pay!

Jude your poor friend. I have to say that my sense of humour was an early casualty of the whole malarkey, too.