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Don't worry Assandache, most people when talking to God will be telling Him what to do and say about other's salvation. Your mother is no different, and I personally get a real kick in the funny/cute bone from seeing her try to manipulate God to put you in your place. Lol. God sees you in a more loving and generous way, imop.
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My Mom just told me she spoke to God last night.. She asked him if I'm going to hell because I'm not always nice to her..

I told her next time she speaks to him to ask him "why she can't remember stuff"..
And if she talks to him again I said " please tell him I have a lot of questions for him"!

Also she said he was a white man with shoulder length gray hair, no beard or mustache and he wore dress slacks and a regular shirt!

Ha! She just jumped up and said she pee'd her pants.. She said "you gotta change me"

I said "oh no I don't, remember you told God I was the mean one.. Lol
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A couple weeks ago I took both my elderly parents on a 6 day trip so my Mom could attend a family reunion. We were on the road for four of the days and both my parents have problems with continence. Mom has more control but Dad can get soaking wet. He is a fastidious man and very proud. Rest room stops were frequent and time consuming as Dad insisted on going in himself. My husband would check in on him to make sure all was well. One time was taking longer than usual so my husband peeked into the stall and there Dad stood, stark naked. Still, Dad said he was fine.
Needless to say my husband was a bit alarmed so he asked Mom if she should go in and check on him. Mom was nonplussed and said "no he's OK" "he takes his clothes off so they don't get wet"
Huh?! I was about to pursue the subject but I realized I would probably be stepping into a rabbit hole. Instead I just took a few deep breaths.
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This is a wonderful topic! It's really good to laugh about our situations.

Since my Mexican father moved in with me 5 months ago, I've tried VERY hard to make him homemade Mexican meals using the old family recipes every couple of weeks. I've knocked myself out to make sure all the ingredients have been of the best quality - frequently going to specialty stores and to farmer's markets to ensure the best tasting, freshest foods. I even had a friend come over and teach me how to make flour tortillas by hand.

After 5 months of dicing and slicing and mashing....My sister & I took Pop to a doctor's appointment together. She wanted to take us to lunch after his appointment, so she asked Pop where he wanted to go. His answer? "Taco Bell." Really???? So we went, bought him the 3 tacos for 99 cents. He took a bite and says "Now THAT'S a taco - delicious!"

I think my chin hit the table.....LOL.
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I'm changing dad's pamper. I just finished cleaning his left side. Transferred all the cleaning supplies to his right side of the bed. Then I tell him to turn around. Because I had rolled up the waterproof pad and the liner behind him, he struggles with the turning. (Sometimes I try so hard not to laugh. He reminds me so much of an upside spider with his arms and legs waving in the air as he gets 'stuck' on his back while trying unsuccessfully to turn to the other side.) So, I rush his right side, and help give him a push to his side.

When I did this, I couldn't help it, I squealed in surprise. And exclaimed, "You poo!"

He responded, "I poo? I didn't feel it."

I replied, "I just finished cleaning you on the other side and there was no poo. Now there is."

After a few seconds of silence, he solemnly said, "It's a secret poo."
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when mom was in rehab recently she said, "If they serve me chicken one more time i might just run down the hall screaming!" this is pretty funny cuz she could not even get out of bed. she is so much fun!
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my mom makes me laugh almost everyday! she has the best attitude and is a joy to care for. i will try to remember some of her funnies and share them. she always tries to hook up my single daughter who is 23 whenever she is in the hospital. lol. we do have challenges, but overall i am so blessed!
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Called Mom as I do everyday. She will be 94 next month, moderate dementia, wheelchair-bound, living, for 1 year now, in a lovely, small ALF I found thru the local ALZ org.....she can no longer manage a phone, so I have to call the Nurses' Station and have them bring her the phone....I don't necessarily know where she is when they bring the phone to her, sooooo....Last time I called Mom.....
Me: How are you, Mom?
Mom: Oh....fine....just fine....
Me: Wonderful!.....where are you ? (meaning where in the facility....your room....public area.....activity area, etc).....
Mom: Well.....right now, I'm in a Nursing Home.....
Oh dear, dear, rip-my-heart-out dear....LOL.....
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So my great-aunt is sitting outside on the porch, and tells me she wants to sweep all the leaves off the porch. I tell her that she's not steady enough to do that, and that I don't want her to fall on the concrete and break a bone. Of course, she says she couldn't break a bone just by falling on the concrete, and anyway she's perfectly steady on her feet.
I said, "No, you're not. That's why the doctor said you have to use your walker." Then she said, "That's what the doctor prescribed, not 'Tom' (her son she lives with)!"
I was just like, wut? Seriously, I just don't understand how they can't reason even remotely logically; it's so frustrating!
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My mom fell and broke her wrist last week so I had to take her as well as my dad with dementia to the emergency room. Needless to say.. I had my hands full with both of them at the same time. We are waiting in the emergency room for them to admit my mom for surgery for her wrist. My dad is always wanting to go back to his house on the lake. My Dad casually turns to me and says.. Do you think you could drop me off at the lake house real quick? (which is 90 miles away) :/
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Visiting Mother the other day. She swears her hip is "just killing her" but takes ONE 325 mg Tylenol a day and says that helps tremendously. Good. She said she can't get Lortab anymore--well that's true, but it requires a "hard copy" from the dr. I suggested she ask for Tylenol 3. Said it has a low dose of codeine and would maybe help the pain. Drs don't much prescribe it anymore. I take it for post surgery pain from this year's back and foot surgeries. It's pretty mild, really. Mom used to eat those like candy, literally 200-300 a month all the years we lived at home. She innocently says "What's Tylenol 3? I've never heard of that!" I had to leave the room I was laughing so hard.
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I returned home after running some errands. Here is my conversation with dad.
Me: What have you been doing? Dad: Watching porn
Me: Daaad! Dad: What's the matter? I know you and Steve (husband) watch it too? (Insert me and Steve laughing) Dad: What's funny? Me: We do not
watch porn and I can't believe you are watching it! Dad: I like porn star. Me: Porn Star?
He just shakes his head and walks back to the bedroom to watch TV.
About then the commercial ended and guess what comes on?
Pawn Star!
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My dad was laughing like a scary maniac - he he he. Then he changed his laughing to another laughter - ho ho ho. Then he changed it to another laughter... I asked him, "What are you doing?" He replied, "I'm laughing to the others" (sees invisible people.)

I replied, "Oh really?"... I then joined him with , "HA! HA! HA!....Ho! Ho! Ho!..."
He continued with a wicked laugh "He! He! He!" Then a Santa's laugh, "Ho! Ho! Ho!"

We both ended up laughing.
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Just an interesting story. My mom lived in her house for 40 years before her now husband moved in with her. Mom had a tub cut as a walk through so he could shower in the basement. He did not want to use the downstairs bath, so he wanted to get grab bars installed. They went shopping for them, Mom really did not want to mess up the tile with holes necessary to drill. When he was released from rehab at the start of my caregiving, grab bars were very important for safety reasons to install. When Mom was at day care (dementia) one day I had a handyman in to install bars in the shower and by the toilet. The first time Mom used the tub after that she made a statement about how glad she was that SHE had put them in.;)
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Mom told the housekeeper that she needs money from the will so she can go to the market and buy food. Huh??
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He's sneaky. I caught it. He acts as if he's really hard of hearing. I was home the one time the home nurse visited. She forgot to raise her voice loud- and asked him a question in a low voice. I was just about to repeat it loudly, when he answered her. My mouth literally opened. After that, I never let on that I know his hearing is not as bad as he pretends.
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LOL, Book! They sell sound activated voice digital recorders. Set it up in your room you will have your answer. He could have said after you having to ask several times is that he cannot hear worth a darn!
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I'm trying to find out if I have sleep apnea since I'm always so tired. I wake up in the mornings exhausted. Googling the info and it mentioned snoring. Loud snoring. Dad's hospital bed is in the livingroom. And I sleep on the sofabed. I figured dad would know if I snore in my sleep.

I asked him, "Dad, do I snore in my sleep?"
He asked, "What?"
I repeated it, "Do I SNORE in my sleep?"
He asked, "Some more?"
I said, "NO, DO I SNORE IN MY SLEEP?"
He replied so matter-of-factly, "How would I know if you snore? When you sleep, I sleep!"
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e were on a mini trip and I stopped at Churches Fried Chicken, the sign also says since 1952. I got mom a chicken breast , Mac & cheese, coleslaw. She was eating the mac & cheese and the coleslaw and I said "Mom eat the chicken". She said "No, it is old, from 1952."
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Book, people used to think that a sneeze meant that the soul was trying to escape through the nose and they thought that if they said bless you (or bless me if they were alone) it would stop the devil from getting hold of the freed soul. However while some people believed that others thoughts that evil spirits were waiting for people to sneeze so that they could enter a body so said it to prevent them getting in. Some even thought that a person had a micro death during a sneeze so saying bless you was a way of saying welcome back.

Practically all cultures say Bless you in one format or another. It is funny thought when someone gets a fit of sneezing - there seems to be a lot of blessings going around at that time
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I just finished my dinner and was in the kitchen washing the dishes. I heard dad give a hearty sneeze. And heard him say, "Bless you!".... a few seconds later, another heary sneeze. And another, "Bless you!"

It is just soooo weird to hear someone call out to themselves 'bless you' when they sneeze - instead of the common, "Excuse me!"... After the 2nd sneeze and Bless You - I started laughing hard.
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At the end of a very successful interview with palliative care my lovely mother turned and uncharacteristically and unexpectedly asked the doctor why the government had decided to take away her memory when she turned 90. I was a little bit shocked by the sudden downward turn of events, but when I told a cashier at Trader Joe's later, he gave me a huge smile and said "Awesome question!" I was grateful to be able to begin to see the funny side of things...
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Mom told the hairdresser that I introduced my mom to my father. Huh??
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I went into dad's room and said, "Look daddy I'm wearing shorts!" He is 90 and real cranky lately. It's 100 degrees in LA and I was wearing shorts for the first time in ages. He bursts out laughing, we both cracked up.
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I took my FIL to his Dr appointment today, one f the questions on the form asked, Are you being physically, sexually or emotionally abused in your residence? My FIL replied. what? No no, I don't bother with SEX anymore. Too much work! The Dr's assistant laughed, thank God it was a guy, I was shrinking into my chair. Ah gheez!
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On our way to the doctor- inside a medical transport van with other elderly, we pulled up to a stop sign. Mom said "Hey, lets turn right and go to the Casino. Lets skip this doctor thing!" Dimentia doesnt take away certain memories! Lol

On Mothers day the whole family gathered- except my brother who lives in a different state. She staryed talking about me, the baby of the family whos cared for for 10 years, and how she didnt want another child and she cried for months.

She then said "Sometimes the one you dont want becomes your biggest blessing". I said "Ah, thank you mom". Without missing a beat she said "Not you, your brother. I dudnt want him either!"

Most might be offended but this is Dimentia. The son that moved out of state 50 years ago is her favorite- why not? His once in a blue moon visits give her great joy. A priceless moment.
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I had just finished changing dad's pamper. Now that he's all cleaned up down there, he can now go to sleep. He said, "Goodnight." I said, "Goodnight." Instead of sleeping, he continued talking to himself.

About 20 minutes later, he says, "Goodnight. I'm going to sleep now."
I replied, "Okay." More mumblings can be heard.

30 minutes later, I just finished my midnight snack. In a lower voice, I heard a faint, "Goodnight." Not wanting to startle him awake, I didn't reply.... Yay! He's finally asleep. He's not moving, he's not talking, his eyes are closed.

10 minutes later, he's talking aloud with his eyes closed..... oh, well... didn't hurt to hope I would have a few quiet minutes without his constant talking...
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My mother was telling me about my neice's step-brother & step-sister. Mom said,"They are twins, but they are not identical."
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Funny and sad/pitiful: My MIL has grown very fond of a chair that is not very good for her. It is oversized and deep, with a heavy ottoman. I mentioned that we (her son and I) are going to get her a new chair; one that better supports her posture and her legs. "Oh NO!" she exclaims, "You CAN'T!!! This is a GREAT chair!" "No, Mom, it's not. You get a stiff neck and you collapse into yourself which is terrible for your lungs and~" "No, no, you CAN'T!" "But Mom~" "But I LOVE this chair and the chair loves ME!" I stifled a laugh and gave her a temporary win. (We're chair shopping tomorrow.)
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This a great thread I love all your stories , they are wonderful ! Keep them coming !
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