What is the funniest thing your aging parent has said to you lately?

My father-in-law has vascular dementia. He dislikes doctors and medical procedures. The doctor ordered blood tests. When the nurses came to draw blood for the tests, he wouldn't let them near him. Later he told us the vampires keep coming in and trying to suck his blood.

My Mom, does not have dementia, but has a wonderful sense of humor...we took her to a new Rehab...the first night there she had several visitors. The Admins decided it would be nice to have a 'mini' ice cream party to welcome her.
In came extra chairs , ice cream -flavor of choice - and all her visitors,
Mom called me later and said "We have a lovely ice cream party today."
I said "How nice"
Mom said " I do not know if it was a Welcome Party or a Party for my Wake"
OMGOSH we all laughed...she is very funny and keeps the staff in stitches...

I want to thank each of you for these laughs. I needed them bad tonight and you have just made my day. Thank you all so much

I took my mother to a family reunion in France. When we arrived she went to bed and didn't get up for three days. I brought her meals, and finally begged her to get up, telling her that she was wasting her time in Paris, She said "But darling, I sleep so well in Paris!".

Dad has AD and a whole slew of other things and once when he was in the Hospital. I go to his room to check on him and he whispers loudly to me..

Dad: come over here, I have to tell you something.
Me: what is it Dad?
Dad: They are trying to do things to me.. to experiment on me..they can't be trusted
Me: Who Dad?
Dad: All of them... the doctors and the nurses
Me: Wha?
Dad: They are not who they say they are....they are disguised
Me: Wha? Who are they then?
Dad: Aliens
Me: No way Dad..
Dad: Yes, it's true they are going to take me to their spaceship when you leave the room and experiment on me, I heard them talking...PLEASE DON'T LEAVE ME ALONE WITH THEM!
Me: Okay Dad, I will protect you. I won't let them get you.

My aunt Ami (95) keeps me in stitches despite being "deeply forgetful." Yesterday, for example, she was mororse and sad all day. I asked her what was wrong. She sighed, "Oh, I'm going down." I said ok, but how about some peaches first? I sliced them into an orange and green bowl, still warm from the sun, no sugar needed, and handed my aunt a blue spoon. She sat up, and dug in. "Sometimes," she said, "when I say I'm going down, it mean I need a peach."

If we don't laugh, we will all go crazy. :-). My Mom is is only 4'6 and she runs the hallways in her jerrychair(it's made of pvc pipe with a seat) She can walk all she wants and then sit when she gets tired. She has also learned how to hit the doors and go out when she feels like it. The doors set off the alarms and everyone starts looking for her and tries to figure out which door it is....:-) She keeps them hopping. She can outrun some of them. For 84 she can really go!! That's my Momma!!

My mother just passed away a few months ago, but I still remember this one. We live in Florida where every year there are several stories on the news about sink holes. After seeing one news item last year my mother told my father "If you come home from work and descover we had a sink hole form under our house; step down." She had a good sense of humor.

We had a class for my husband and I on a Saturday morning at our church on how to be a good small group leader. We had to bring mom. First the lady who runs that ministry got up and talked a good while, then our preacher. Then the lady got up again and mom said "Not again, can't we go home?" in a rather loud voice as she is hard of hearing. We just sat there as the leader adjourned the meeting. Then we all busted up laughing.

When my mother-in-law was first admitted to the nursing home for rehab because of a broken hip, she was really confused since she didn't remember even breaking her hip in the first place. When I came to see her the next day, she told me that the woman visiting her wasn't leaving. She said the lady was really nice and all, but she thought it was time for this nice lady to go home, and she didn't know how to tell her. She was talking about her roommate! :)

My Dad told someone that my brother (age60) is a navy seal.

My husband has dementia with lots of hallucinations and delusions. Sometimes I shouldn't laugh but just have to, like the time we were on the deck and he insisted there were black bear cubs up his pants legs. I offered to take him over to the stairs and shoo them out. He scowled at me and said (honest!), "Now what would the neighbors think of THAT?" Also had DEAD bears under his chair footrest yesterday, so I "picked them up" by the "scruff of the neck" and toted them out. When I came back, he looked at me quite seriously and said, "Very clever! Two handsful of nothing!" Guess I didn't really find them. Then a couple days ago he suddenly walked into the kitchen as I was preparing dinner and declared, "Aren't you getting the process going?!" When I asked what process (silly me), he sort of snorted and said, "Why the one about sex and citizenship, of course!" Of course. Sometimes it's a real challenge keeping up with him, but a few laughs can't hurt, even if I have to stifle them.

One of the ladies in my Mom's home has a roommate....but she does not like room mates...so , she proceeds to pack up all the woman's belongings-in a suitcase and boxes, than tells the lady "It was lovely to have you visit, BUT, you have overstayed your welcome." She walks the lady to the front desk and tells her 'The bus will be here to pick you up, just wait here"....(the office just laughs and gently tells the lady that it is her roommate and she needs to stay in her room)
Response: "Oh no, I do not have any roommates and do not want them, I have way too many visitors and the visitors might get annoyed."
She just packed another 'visitor' up and shuffled her to the front waiting area.

Me: Mom, wanna go to the movie?
Mom: What's is about?
Me: A talking cat.
Mom: Take the cat.

Visited my mom at her dementia AFH. It was a short visit as it was close to dinner. I said goodbye when it was time for her to go to the table to eat. She had seemed a little upset but wasn't saying what was wrong, so I said I would call her before the evening was out. When I called she shared with me the following about her day yesteday, telling me what was up. Mom says "I was going to take a plane today but no one would let me board because I didn't have any money. I got to the airport and checked through and everything but when everyone else was boarding, I got turned away because I didn't have the money to get on". Well at the time, I told her well I am glad you didn't go because I would have missed yo earlier when I cam to see you and I would have really missed you again when I come back tomorrow. Well, she said she would have missed me too and I talked to her another couple minutes and said goodnight. After i got off the phone I just laughed and laughed thinking of what that would have looked like if it had really all happened. Sometimes you just have to laugh....

Mom was lying on the couch when I returned home, a caregiver sitting by her side. The caregiver reported that my 97-year old Mother, severely afflicted with Parkinson's Disease, had been talking and smiling all afternoon. I started asking Mom what she would like for supper, if she was longing for anything special, could she think of anything that would taste good, etc. She didn't look at me, didn't blink an eye, didn't answer. I kept trying and she gave no indication that she even knew I was there. Finally, in desperation, I spoke very loudly and said, "Mom, can you HEAR me?" Calmly and clearly, she answered, "No". The caregiver and I started laughing.

I was telling my mother the other day about sacada killer bees. Her hearing is going. I was telling her how these bees kill sacadas. I said have you ever seen a sacada up close? She said, " Have I ever seen a potato up close?".

Mother lying on her death bed,She looked up and smile at me as she drifted in and out of her consciousness, aware it was only a matter of time!! her faqce turn toward mine and she held my hand she say's Theresa where are WE going when WE leave here!!!!!!Well I let her hand go and I said mommy I ain't ready to go yet I have'nt applied my make yet,!!!!!!!! but I'm sure God is going to take you home with him,,,

My mother is in NH with dementia. She's preoccupied with weight and thinks everybody is fat or has a big a**. The other day she told me I looked like I had lost weight, but when I was leaving she told me I had to work on my a**.

Bob, I love this... Altho my Mom loves my husband, Bill, she always thought her family walked on water. My hubby took in my Mom for 3 years and he really tried to keep quiet and put up with Alzheimers,but it took it's toll on him. He is struggling with PTSD from Viet Nam too.
My Mom always had funny things to say and still does. She keeps the nurses in stitches at the nursing home.

A friend of mine worked in an AZ facility. One day one of the patients walked out of her room with a sanitary napkin on the bottom of each foot......gotta laugh at the ingenuity!

My 88 year old mom has problems with anything that has buttons. So she calls me and asks me how to change channels on the TV. I explain that she needs to hit 2 3 3 on the remote and it will go to her favorite channel, the Game Show Network. The next thing I hear is the buttons on the phone being pushed and then, of course, her telling me that the remote "is just not working"!

I was picking up my sisters to have lunch with my mom at her ALF and brought mom along for the ride to give her a change of scenery. She sat in the front seat looking outside and asked me, "Now is this real or is this part of the movie?"

My mother-in-law finally had to have her last front tooth removed because it had gotten too loose. The dentist was going to fit her with a new partial plate to add both front teeth now, so he had to remove the old one for a week while it was being made. She has dementia and has NO short term memory anymore. On the way out of the dentist office, we're walking down the hall side by side. She turns to me and asks 'where's my front teeth? do you have them? they seem to be missing' It was so funny.

This is an interesting thread. About a year and a half ago, I became fulltime caregiver to my 92 year old MIL with dementia. During that time, she has said and done many memorable things and I have been journaling most of them. Some have been sweet, some funny, some mean and some sad, but I've tried to keep track of them all. Early on in this arrangement, when she could still be allowed to go outside in the backyard safely by herself, I found her sitting on the stoop outside the back door with her shoes off, trying to fit her feet into the her son's bronzed baby shoes. And this was in the days when her cognitive impairment wasn't all that severe yet. This was funny, but sad. Needless to say, these were the next items to be put away out of sight on a closet shelf. This Alzheimer's thing will never cease to perplex me.

Great question and how wonderful to have a subject that focuses on the lighthearted side of things, which we all need.
There are many! One of the most recent - We arrived at the nursing home just after a volunteer musician left who playing the piano. I asked my mother if the music was good. She said "It was nice! There was a horse with a piano on top if it." I said "really? Was the musician also on the horse?" She said "Of course, he was playing the piano."

I asked "Are you sure this is what you saw Mom? It's such a strange thing to see."
She had a questioning look on her face and said "I think so. That's what I remember." And we both started laughing, like old times.
My mother and I always laughed together. That's what I miss the most.

I'm using this story for a new painting!

My mother in law lived with us for 6 VERY HARD years. She and I (son in law) were constantly at each other. We finally got her into a nice dementia unit. When my wife and I went to the first visit with the nurses, we introduced ourselves. When I introduced myself (Bob) the whole place started laughing because they could not figure out what mother in law meant when she did something wrong and said "Bob did it". To this day she still blames me for everything !

I laughed through most of these and could have one to match each, or almost. I will share one. Its 80 degrees in the house, it's summer time and my husband is cold. He tells me that he is going to turn the temp up. I agree because right now I can't go and see about it myself. Suddenly I realize it's getting very hot in here. I go to check and he had turned the heat on. But denied doing it. It may not seem funny to you but I just had to laugh, What if he had set the house on fire?

I took my Mom to the beauty salon one day and she was in the chair with the hairdresser. She has very poor vision. I was sitting about 5 ft away from them and they were talking about my nephew. I added a pertinent comment to the conversation and my Mom looked at me and said " Do I know you?" (She has known me for my 65 years.) I said "Mom, it's Rose, your daughter." And we all laughted so hard and talked about it all day. She does not have dementia, she said my voice was different and she didn't recognize me because I looked so small. I had lost a lot of weight and my voice was very throaty.

My mother had fallen in her home and I was there helping her...the doctor told me to get her to her bed and see if she was just shaken, before I went through the trouble of the hospital etc. Well the next morning it was obvious that she was not going to shake off the pain (later we found that she had fractured her pelvis). I called the rescue and 4 handsome emt's came to get my mom out of her bed and on to the stretcher. She was in a lot of pain, but she looked around and smiled and said, "I have never had this many men in my bedroom in my life!"