What is the funniest thing your aging parent has said to you lately?

I give my mom one pill and 4 vitamins every morning. She doesn't like to take them. Some mornings she looks at them and says I just took them I don't want them again. I will say "That was yesterday." This morning she said "go get your camera and photograph me taking these, so you don't give them to me again today". Have to admit I was smiling at her request.

Last week I was having dinner with Mom when there was a loud knock at her apt. door. It turned out that he was one of the bldg. cleaners acting as Super until they find a new one. It seems there was a leak in the heating system that was in danger of flooding the units below. Eventually after finding the source in Mom's living room wall (and much bailing on my part to prevent further damage to her carpet and flooding below) a very serious plumber arrived and proceeded to work on the pipes. Meanwhile I guess the Super has been checking the other units on that line because comes another knock at the door and it's the neighbour from the apt. above who walks in and asks Mom if his piano playing bothered her. She said no, because she plays herself. We don't know this guy at all. He goes to her piano, sits down and begins to play, saying her piano needs tuning. He continues playing, song after song, saying maybe the lower keys need tuning, then onto another piece. Meantime, (although I doubt if he heard her for his loud playing) Mom is saying, "Is he planning on staying the night?. When is this guy every going to leave?" and "Tell him to go home!" The weird thing is that the guy didn't acknowledge the plumber working right beside him, and the plumber never looked up or cracked a smile - even though I'm sure that the plumber who was closer to where Mom was sitting could hear her protesting - "Did you hear him insult my piano? I asked you to tell him to go home!" And the guy just played on and the plumber kept working. By now Temp Super is back (and Mom's little apt. seems to be shrinking) and he's standing there with a big grin on his face but says nothing, and the guy still doesn't stop playing and the plumber doesn't look up and I'm beginning to feel like this is a scene from The Twilight Zone. I leave to take some garbage to the chute (and to get away from the insanity because now I am beginning to get the giggles), and out comes the guy, walking rather quickly towards the elevator and looking red-faced. Apparently Mom wasn't waiting for me to do it - she told him to "GO HOME". Upon learning this I began to laugh so hard my stomach hurt, and then Mom saw the humour in the whole thing, and together we would only stop to catch our breath. then burst out laughing again. Then I realized that probably the guy could hear us because the vent grate was wide open and all the insulation had been removed! (Mom said she didn't care).

Yesterday I told mom it was time for a shower. She isn't happy with me on those days. She got in the bathroom and said "I am only five, my mom and dad won't be happy you are making me do this." Thought I'd go along with her. I said they had told me to help you do this. She got real stern looking and said "You know both of my parents are dead." I told her the only thing I knew was she would be taking a shower this morning. And she walked right into the shower.

During her 75th birthday party last April, Mom said "I want to have a baby." I almost choked on a pig's foot. I used to joke around and say that every year she took a step and a baby fell out.

In retrospect, all she really knows is how to be a wife and a mother. So I don't blame her. I told my grandkids to go sit on her lap for a while to quench her motherly instincts.

When we saw mom this weekend we told her "your birthday is Fri, Mar 8." She asked "how old will I be'? I said 94 - she said "that's all - that's young - I thought I as closer to 100." 6 yrs difference? Oh well LOL!

Taking my Mom on a little stroll yesterday. She's always saying hilarious things. This came to my mind as we were coming up the road towards our house, she saw my husband leaving in his truck. "Where is Bob going," she asked. "He has some errands to run," I replied. " What kind of errands?" (She always has to ask a million questions. :) I replied, "He's taking some elements to be fixed." "ELEPHANTS!,", she yelled. "What elephants, and why do they need fixing??" LOL. I thought I'd wet my pants before I got home.

When my Mom was in hospice she dropped a piece of food on the table and I told her to leave it and don't pick it up and eat it. But she went ahead and picked it up and put it in her mouth. Then she said, "thank you Jesus for putting it in my mouth."

Write these things down, sometime in the future we will want to remember them.

This one is not about my Mom. I am a hairdresser and had a new customer with Dementia... I'm like a magnet to it now. Well the woman came with a friend of the family (FOF) an aide and her husband. My coworker gave me a heads up on the customers behavior, before I even saw her,, she heard her saying to the FOF
"why am I here, you know I don't like this, I'll get you for this, etc."
So luckily with my experience the first thing I did was greet her with a huge smile and told her that I was going to make her beautiful, so just relax and enjoy this it is your time, were going to have fun. Luckily I hit her good side and she was very pleasant to me. I colored her hair,waxed her facial hair, cut and styled her hair... she was with me for about 2 hours. Her husband got his haircut by another operator when he was waiting with the aide and the other woman I chatted with them for a bit because they seemed concerned that the wife was going to give me a hard time, I picked up on the fact that the hubby had dementia as well. I winked and said she;s fine I can handle it. I said to him I'm making your wife beautiful for you , he said "she looks better today than the day we married" I told the wife what he said, she rolled her eyes. It was cute.
Most of my co workers can't deal with people that have Dementia, can't imagine why? LOL ....
So we get all done, she looked great I said to the wife you need to go on a date with your husband you both are looking so good! She say's "With him, rolled her eyes again." Time to pay the bill ...he asked my boss at the register how much (my boss doesn't get the situation at all) he say's the price the hubby almost had a heart attack say's "WHAT????" "I can't afford that,"
The Wife say's ":THAT IS YOUR PROBLEM !!!" It was quite hysterical... we all busted a gut laughing. He was obviously thinking it was the 50's and she had no trouble telling him pay up buddy, I am worth it!
I wish I had a video camera .

We had a few hours before a symphony concert so I took my mom to a very nice restaurant for happy hour -- half-priced appetizers and jazz -- but at the door she looked a bit startled, said "Is this a bar?" and when I said yes, she asked "Is it alright for a lady to go in unescorted?" The bartender overheard and said drily "It happens from time to time, ma'am."

Moved my mom to a dementia unit at a local nursing home on 4/25. It was very traumatic for all of us. She was transported from the hospital directly to the nursing home. After we got her to the unit, my brother and I were sitting with her trying to calm her down and explain why she was there. Across the room another resident of the unit started banging something on a table. My mother's back was to him, but she asked my brother what that noise was. He told her he didn't know but he thought someone was trying to fix something. The other resident stopped the noise. After a few minutes he started up again. My brother looked around my mom to see what was going on and my mom said "That person has a mental problem doesn't he." By brother said "No. I don't really know what's going on, I'm just looking around." And - mom said - "You better learn to lie better than that."

My MIL (vascular dementia) started hospice last week and wanted to talk to the chaplain. He had been told beforehand that she was a member of the Methodist Church. Now she is a showtimer and a bit of a pro at reading people and knowing when she had made an error by their reactions.

The chaplain asked her where she had gone to church. She replied "Church of Christ". She could tell by his reaction that her answer was incorrect. She gave it another try and immediately said, "I meant First Baptist". Still wrong by his expression. She tossed her head and said dismissively, "I change churches a lot".

The stories in here are great. It is great to have a laugh when you are a caregiver. The other day I took mom to her primary care doctor for a follow-up. When asked how she was doing by the receptionist how she was. My mom said that she is just an old bitch. To which I said see what happens when you watch the Hallmark Channel all the time. Everyone got a good laugh at that and so did Mom.

A little over two tears ago my MIL broke a hip and required a full replacement. Fortunately she recovered nicely. We teased her afterward (in a cautionary way) saying she'd best be more careful from now on - if she was to fall again and break her other hip we might have to start calling her the "Bionic Woman". At the time she thought her great-grandson Tyler (11) would be some impressed by that.
Fast forward to present: she took another tumble yesterday morning, from her wheelchair this time. She insisted she was fine and continued on with her day, but by suppertime she was beginning to show signs of discomfort. By this morning she was in pain - so much that she couldn't even sit up. She asked if I thought she might have gone and broken her other hip. I told her the only way to find out for sure was to get it x-rayed, but she'd be wise to prepare herself for that possibility. She sighed heavily, thought for a few seconds, then said. "Well Tyler will be happy to find out his great-gram is antibiotic." :0
Good news - her x-rays revealed no broken bones. Bad news (for her) - the doctor wanted to keep her overnight...hinted at a possible few days in rehab as well. Best news - hubby and I get a brief respite! :)))

Ha...just noticed a typo in that last post. Meant to say "a little over two Years ago" and wrote "tears" instead....Freudian slip?

Indeed, yaya, a perfect example , maybe, of a Freudian slip.

Liking the funny stories on here. My mom sent me an email it said-" my outrich does not wrap". any ideas anyone?

"my ostrich does not rap"....?

Here's another one...every five or six weeks a hairdresser comes to give MIL a trim and put a little color and curl in her hair. She's a sweet, kind, very down-to-earth woman in her late thirties and has known MIL for years. A couple of months ago she arrived at the appointed time and found MIL out on her sun porch attempting to open one of the sliding glass doors. "Can I help?" she asked.
"Yuh," MIL replied, "open this door if you would and throw a handful of (male body part)'s out onto the deck for the squirrels."
Not sure she heard correctly, the hairdresser leaned in a little closer and said, "I'm sorry...a handful of what?"
"(male body parts)!" said MIL. "There on the table...in the bag."
The hairdresser looked where MIL was pointing. "Oh!...PEANUTS!!"
Now whether MIL was actually using the incorrect word (which she does sometimes) or just not enunciating clearly we'll never know, but it sure rocked the hairdresser back on her heels for a few seconds!

Haha-was she saying the b word or the p word or the c word or nuts? Sorry I have to know!

BTW- I just now saw your suggestion--"My ostrich does not rap". HAHAHAHAHA I guess that could be it because I doubt that , were she to have an ostrich, it would, indeed, not rap!
I did not ask her what she meant because she is a bit sensitive about her decrease in mental capabilities. She understands that she is losing skills and she hates it. --sorry not funny, I know. Not funny at all. But my ostrich does not rap is!!!! :0)

My 83 yr. old Mom w/ Dementia now feels people on TV are watching her. I had gone to get groceries one day, got back to find her in tears. She was so sorry she missed winning us all that money on Wheel Of Fortune because she missed the answer. Most women on TV are now my sister. Whatever evil is happening is right outside the front door.

It's not what my mother told me...it's what she did. Mom is living in AL..due to Alzheimer's and being mentally incapacitated. She was packing her belongings on her 3rd day there telling them so was going home. She couldn't find her partial plates so the aide told her, "You can't leave with your teeth". Mom agreed. Later the aide found mom's partials soaking in her coffee maker!!!!!

So appreciative of this site, allows us to vent @ relate w/ other caregivers. Got the burnout bad, about to go nuts, but love my Momma @ promised Dad on his deathbed that I'd take care of Mom - don't you worry. 5 + yrs. now, no job, no social life, 56 yrs. old @ not building up SS for myself. What to do?

My 83 yr. old Mom w/ Dementia now feels people on TV are watching her. I had gone to get groceries one day, got back to find her in tears. She was so sorry she missed winning us all that money on Wheel Of Fortune because she missed the answer. ow

My husband and I were going to an H &R Block to do our taxes. I said to my MIL, we are going to have our taxes done. She gasped and replied "You're going to have your tonsils out?"
Another instance overheard between mom & pop in law..... dad: look out the window.
Mom: WHAT?
Dad: It looks like sleet.
Mom: What?
Dad: (he spells it) S L E E E T. Sleet!
MOM: You spell sleet S L E E T. That's how it's spelled. Why do you want to know? (She has not looked out the window)

I leave the light on in the bathroom for mom. She goes in and shuts the light off to save money, leaves the water running. Then shuts the door when she goes out. She was almost crying in the hall the other day because that person wouldn't come out of the bathroom. No one was in there, she had just shut the door.

I am a professional softball coach. We went to visit my aunt at a facility, after she had suffered a stroke. She had a black eye and we inquired as to what had happened. She said to me 'Well, you were there!" This was news to me. She said that we were at a Cubs game and a foul ball hit her. When I began to object, she said "It was in the paper!"

I was at my Mom's nursing home one day and they were watching JFK giving a speech "1960's" I said to Mom do you know that guy? she looked at me as if I were mindless and said "yes of course the president" ... "he so handsome" "now shut the heck up he's talking" LOL enjoy memories such as this!!!

My mom had a dirty Kleenex in her hand and I said, "Mom you need to throw that away." She looked at me and said, "What do you think I was going to do, keep it?"

Since my Mother has advanced dementia and cannot walk or talk except for a word here and there, I appreciate it when she struggles to answer.:(((
Yesterday, I told her my ( absent, non participative, selfish) sister and (helpless except to light the cigarette and open the can of beer) brother would each be coming to town for a visit and won't that be nice? She got an indignant look on her face--which is also difficult for her to do now-- and roared, in her inimitable Leo fashion : NO!! Heaved a big sigh, closed her eyes and let me continue feeding her a nice fresh peach.
Ah, it is more ironic than funny, but satisfying, doncha think?

My grandmother lived through World War II, was an army wife, all that. When we came down to her house right before she went into assisted living, she said some pretty funny things.

We came to her house to find her packing so she could "get on the train". She had filled her suitcase with important things like underwear and... more underwear... and then... all her underwear. The entire drawer's worth of underwear. And a quart of milk.

And then a few minutes later, she looked right at me and said, "Are there (Japanese people) in my kitchen?!" Of course she did not say "Japanese people", she used a different term. She was livid. She was going to tell those people to get out of her kitchen! We assured her that that wouldn't be necessary... I'm not sure she believed us.

She also once told us this amazing story about her "friend", Jenny, who as far as I know didn't exist. "Jenny" apparently tried to climb a tree, "but they shot her. I saw it, right out this window. I spoke at her funeral, we just had it a little while ago in the dining room." No matter how many times we went to see her, she was always happy to tell us about Jenny and her funeral that had just happened that same day.