This has been the strangest weekend. Memories of such enormous and fun 4th of July weekends on the lake gave way to the reality of my life, as it now is. I fully and completely accept responsibility for my life and where I am right now, I just didn't count on how no one else would be here ... period. I tend to be a private person, so I don't need all the stuff going on around me to be happy and have usually been able to find something to do to make myself happy.
The thing that i have come to realize is that the caregiving part, the caring for my Mama is not what is sending me over the edge. It is not easy..And I am so tired and worn out most of the time from the endless bathing, changing, laundry, cleaning, changing, bathing, etc. etc. but I am dealing with that...I am just so completely flat by the total absence of emotional support from any of the people whom I thought would show at least a teensy bit of compassion. I am becoming so cold and so dead towards people. I fear that i am going to be really horrid on down the road if I am even here by then. I used to hear folks talking about caregivers passing before the folks they care for....I never figured that would apply to me. I'm not so sure anymore
I am right there with you. I could totally echo back to you everything you have just stated; however, I will be brutally honest with you. I am also become tired of being a caregiver. It has been very recent, but I have felt it building and over the weekend (Saturday) the dam finally burst, and I had a melt down. My cousin was really good about listening to me.
I know exactly what your talking about though. I feel bad for my parent's as family and friends that used to be in the picture...have totally stopped coming around. No one else wants to deal with illness....so, where does that leave us. The sole burnt out providers. I feel ya, and I will say "GOOD JOB"! I am told we will be rewarded. Have you every been told this. Sometimes, I just roll my eyes when someone tells me this...lol.
I hope your having a better day? Hugs to you.....
God bless all of you who try everyday to provide for your loved ones.
she had no skin in the game -- i was staying with edna and losing wages .
i left edna with 7 family members and went home . its disturbing as edna and i have had a great time for nearly a year but its not as disturbing as being taken advantage of ..
having a hard time reconnecting with edna cause cuz thinks its cute to refuse communication . poor communication has been the issue from the beginning ..
cuz wont be an issue for long . aps confided in me that theyll sue to place a court appointed conservator ..
my friend " flatline " is about to lose the rear differential out of a dodge neon sitting in her yard .
my sis and niece are sitting in my moms home and property mortgage free and wont even let me harvest a few dead trees that mom wanted me to have for firewood . needless to say ill be tickled when one of em smashes their house to toothpicks ..
in hindsight im not more spiteful than before -- i always was a d*ck ..