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After 4 years of being live in caregivers for my MIL in her home, it’s time to take the next step in ensuring she has the care she needs/deserves. She has vascular dementia but, has not really lost any memory. We have care 6 days per week in the home but, the frequent incontinence at night has become the issue. Live-in help is unfortunately not an option. We are aware of the roller coaster of emotions we will all be facing but, please share any words of wisdom, from your experiences, to help us navigate through this. Thank you in advance.

Dementia and ALF don't go together. You need to look into nursing home and memory care. You will get your questions answered with tours of said facilities. Afraid it would take a book to write out "what to expect with care placement" and truth told, Amazon is full of them.
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My husband is falling more often. My health is lousy. I will be speaking with our home health company about a better way to re-structure the hours they’re here, so it more closely resembles assisted living. I will tour several local facilities which have good reputations.
Thank goodness for this forum!
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My suggestion is to tour local assisted living facilities that also have a "memory care" unit on campus. When someone residing in assisted living starts exhibiting serious dementia symptoms the transfer to memory care is an easy move.
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Almost same situation with my parents. just today I had to put my father in AL but it was set up for dementia (vascular) patients. He did not qualify for nursing home. Very hard emotionally to do because I always got along with him but he is now a different person. APS was also involved due to no POA and he was taking care of bed ridden mother with COPD. I can already feel the stress lifting from knowing someone is there 24/7. Next moving Mom to nursing home. This group has helped because I am finally wading through the guilt of this. I think if you find the right facility your life will be much happier. The is a disease you did not create so do the best you can. But you have to take care of you also
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I am going to state right off that I am of the belief that a person with dementia should NOT be in AL. (a few exceptions maybe when the spouse is living with the person or if they are very limited mobility wise so they would be less likely to leave) I know you say that she really has not lost her memory....that leads me to think that she would easily leave an AL facility
Is she willing to move to an AL facility? If so then you should tour a few and then narrow it down to 2.
If she is not willing to move (I do hope that you or your husband is POA and he is legally able to make the decision to place her I would STRONGLY advise against AL. An AL facility is not locked and she can leave at any time. I would think this would be a huge safety issue.
Statistics show that about 60% of people with dementia will wander at least 1 time. half of those who are not found within 24 hours may suffer serious injury or death. Another states that 40% of people that wander were found the dead the next day.
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Start touring ALs now. I am hoping she is still eligible to be in an AL with her needs. It was a huge amount of work moving my father but in the long run it was better for him.
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