FROM ALVADEER: Just a spot of bother. Don't worry!

I have outed myself on SP's posting about her Sister's current problems, so may as well give you all the facts as they stand. Had intended to wait till I knew more, but alas...

As most of you know I am 81 and a "uni" since cancer took my left breast away 35 years ago. At that time no one, including the mammo machine could find the tumor, but adenocarcinoma of the breast was found in an "olive pit" (without the martini) in the underarm (Docs at the time had told me it was nothing but lymph nodes draining something and I had said "I don't care; I want it out."

On biopsy it was two infected lymph nodes fused together. After mastectomy all other nodes were clear. So that was my 1988 (when Cher did Moonstruck, the movie that got me through it all).

I did chemo at that time, and refused radiation. Have walked the world an Amazon since. The ORIGINAL kind.

Well, looks like "it's baaacccckkkk". Found a lump in the L breast a few weeks before Christmas. Scheduled the testing to start just after the new year. To bring you up to date a "very suspicious" lump shows clearly on Mammograms and on ultrasound. I would stake a lot of money on it's being a clone of the Alien. It's irregular to palpation.

So here's the plan.

Kaiser wants a hollow core needle biopsy. I won't do it. I admit to a bit of PTSD re former torture chamber activities, but real reason is that new studies on "seeding" via punching holes in tumors and allowing the contents to leak into your tissue and spread are concerning for me (the only studies are on prostate needle biopsies; go figure).

It is to me counter-intuitive to take an encapsulated malignancy and stick hollow core vacuum needles into it and allow its contents to hemorrhage into your breast. Thence through your system via nodes. While you wait patiently for the lab to tell you what you pretty much already know.

Those of you who have had the procedure and the concomitant "bruising and swelling" may know what I mean.

I have requested a mastectomy on the left, instead, no matter WHAT this mass tests out to be. I don't trust a bit of needlework to say it's OK, and leave it there. I want it off, just as I wanted those nodes OUT.

Medicare doesn't cover mastectomy without biopsy for cancer dx. first; won't cover the removal of breast prophylactically I am told. Though there are some laws about insurance covering a woman with a history of mastectomy on one side --regarding a right to symmetry--they don't pertain to medicare. I may be looking at self-pay, which is OK.

So this is currently the beginning of a bit of a skermish with Kaiser. Hopefully not a war. Because overall I find them quite kind.

I don't intend, positve or negative, to do any chemo or radiation. I am 81 and I am WELL READY, and I have worked hard for the passage of right to die Compassion and Choice laws for my state. I would make good use of them, and all the other GOOD DRUGS and do so until "the end of the saga". Though with the GOOD DRUGS heaven knows what my AC posts would be?

I am not scared (other than of needles that are hollow core punches, hee hee). I am OK. I am thrilled with 35 years cancer free after my first fight. My daughter was only just raised my first bout, and I was only 1 year in my relationship with my current partner.

My family is fully informed and fully on board with my choices. I am having heavy metal armor forged to do battle with the medical system, and a part of me loves to fight (as you are aware).

I want none to worry. We ALL have our "stuff". We all know what it is to walk the walk.

I will update you WHEN I know WHAT I know, and what steps I will take.

Always remember what I always tell folks on AC. No one writes the obituary for an 81 year old and hears "Oh dear, died soooo young!!!"

Tombstone epitaphs gladly accepted. But my latest choice is "Does this mean I don't get to watch The Bishops Wife next Christmas". Only kidding. Not having a tombstone, much as I love them.