FROM ALVADEER: Just a spot of bother. Don't worry!
I have outed myself on SP's posting about her Sister's current problems, so may as well give you all the facts as they stand. Had intended to wait till I knew more, but alas...
As most of you know I am 81 and a "uni" since cancer took my left breast away 35 years ago. At that time no one, including the mammo machine could find the tumor, but adenocarcinoma of the breast was found in an "olive pit" (without the martini) in the underarm (Docs at the time had told me it was nothing but lymph nodes draining something and I had said "I don't care; I want it out."
On biopsy it was two infected lymph nodes fused together. After mastectomy all other nodes were clear. So that was my 1988 (when Cher did Moonstruck, the movie that got me through it all).
I did chemo at that time, and refused radiation. Have walked the world an Amazon since. The ORIGINAL kind.
Well, looks like "it's baaacccckkkk". Found a lump in the L breast a few weeks before Christmas. Scheduled the testing to start just after the new year. To bring you up to date a "very suspicious" lump shows clearly on Mammograms and on ultrasound. I would stake a lot of money on it's being a clone of the Alien. It's irregular to palpation.
So here's the plan.
Kaiser wants a hollow core needle biopsy. I won't do it. I admit to a bit of PTSD re former torture chamber activities, but real reason is that new studies on "seeding" via punching holes in tumors and allowing the contents to leak into your tissue and spread are concerning for me (the only studies are on prostate needle biopsies; go figure).
It is to me counter-intuitive to take an encapsulated malignancy and stick hollow core vacuum needles into it and allow its contents to hemorrhage into your breast. Thence through your system via nodes. While you wait patiently for the lab to tell you what you pretty much already know.
Those of you who have had the procedure and the concomitant "bruising and swelling" may know what I mean.
I have requested a mastectomy on the left, instead, no matter WHAT this mass tests out to be. I don't trust a bit of needlework to say it's OK, and leave it there. I want it off, just as I wanted those nodes OUT.
Medicare doesn't cover mastectomy without biopsy for cancer dx. first; won't cover the removal of breast prophylactically I am told. Though there are some laws about insurance covering a woman with a history of mastectomy on one side --regarding a right to symmetry--they don't pertain to medicare. I may be looking at self-pay, which is OK.
So this is currently the beginning of a bit of a skermish with Kaiser. Hopefully not a war. Because overall I find them quite kind.
I don't intend, positve or negative, to do any chemo or radiation. I am 81 and I am WELL READY, and I have worked hard for the passage of right to die Compassion and Choice laws for my state. I would make good use of them, and all the other GOOD DRUGS and do so until "the end of the saga". Though with the GOOD DRUGS heaven knows what my AC posts would be?
I am not scared (other than of needles that are hollow core punches, hee hee). I am OK. I am thrilled with 35 years cancer free after my first fight. My daughter was only just raised my first bout, and I was only 1 year in my relationship with my current partner.
My family is fully informed and fully on board with my choices. I am having heavy metal armor forged to do battle with the medical system, and a part of me loves to fight (as you are aware).
I want none to worry. We ALL have our "stuff". We all know what it is to walk the walk.
I will update you WHEN I know WHAT I know, and what steps I will take.
Always remember what I always tell folks on AC. No one writes the obituary for an 81 year old and hears "Oh dear, died soooo young!!!"
Tombstone epitaphs gladly accepted. But my latest choice is "Does this mean I don't get to watch The Bishops Wife next Christmas". Only kidding. Not having a tombstone, much as I love them.
228 Comments
Recent Questions
- Dad has cancer and needs help. Is there free help? Does that exist? I need hospital bed? Are there charities? Where do I find. So sorry asking so many questions.
- Any suggestions on how to talk to a parent about dying?
- How do those of you that have a mother that is not close by and is in assisted living cope with not being readily accessible?
I couldn’t be more excited to hear your news!!! 😊
Your teenage surgeon served you well.
You’re a fantastic woman that I have always gained inspiration from.
No doubt you will continue to inspire all of us on this AgingCare forum.
Sending all my love and good wishes to you today!
You are indeed blessed by your surgeon. Prayers for her and for you and all cancer sufferers here. ((((((hugs)))))
Yes, it's a cancer, and we KNEW THAT. But the margins around the removal of the tumor are clear and free. The Alien was taken WITH her nest.
Doesn't mean she won't be back, as Aliens got a life, too.
This is the second time my body decided to make a nifty little breast cancer.
Doesn't mean she didn't leave the "bad seed" somewhere.
Doesn't mean I am guaranteed to live to 100.
But DOES mean I can be here a bit more (maybe) driving all of you nuts!
I think that I told you about my surgeon's putting both her hands on me and gently pressing down on my chest as she spoke to her team.
I asked tonight if she does that on purpose and she does.
She said that there is never a time when you will be so helpless and alone as on the surgery table in the bright lights, being strapped in. And it is her way of saying she is there for you. With you.
I told her it was one of the most sacred and profound experiences of human touch I have ever had in my lifetime.
You all know I am an OLD retired RN who has always been in love with Western Medicine.
I KNOW fully our failures. I understand them. Make no mistake.
But this woman, with all her caring, was in there at 6 pm telling me all she told me tonight. And tomorrow she will attempt to rid MORE people of the cancers that threaten then. She has children. A family.
So, for those of you who PRAY?
I ask you to pray for HER.
I have had more of life than I EVER could have deserved. So pray for her.
I love wearing jeans too. You can be our ‘energizer bunny’ in jeans!
So glad that you were pleased with your surgeon.
Hahaha, 😆 You would have made a great nun!
Well, I attended Catholic school and a nun spoke to us in 9th grade about the ‘calling’ to become a nun. She stressed that it was a beautiful vocation in life. I remember thinking, oh gosh no! I want to go out on dates with cute boys and couldn’t even imagine being a nun!
My mother was christened in our beautiful St. Louis Cathedral. My ancestors came over from England and settled in the French Quarter.
I had nuns in school who taught my mother and her sister. They wore a full habit back then and men’s shoes. They would shoot a pistol in the air with blanks to signal the start of our relay races in physical education! We had silent lunch and we were punished if we didn’t eat our food.
I was in chorus at school and still know all of the words to the Sound of Music! The nun who taught us music was fabulous.
It cracked me up when I heard Diane Sawyer say in an interview that she wanted to be a nun after seeing Sound of Music so she could wear a long black dress with yards and yards of fabric! Diane Sawyer was raised in the Presbyterian faith.
I remember "The Nun's Story," both the movie and the book very fondly. The novel is based on a true story, and I just found out (thanks Wikipedia) that the person on whose life the novel is based worked with Audrey Hepburn during the filming and later nursed Hepburn when she was recovering from a near fatal accident.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Nun%27s_Story
I will continue to pray that they got everything that they needed to and that you won't need any further treatments.
Would love to tell you kids about my "teenage" surgeon. Looks older with no makeup and surgery cap. About her hands on my body. shoulders and chest, pressing down and directing her team. If there are angels, she is one. Her hands were like a benediction. Healing. Comforting. Reassuring. But another day. Cwillie is demanding I take a rest. I hear her calling from the other room where she is making me a hearty chicken soup.
Need, I LOVED seeing worried. I wish she stayed; she didn't. Maybe like another I love here and lost here, she knows she best not to try to hold that tongue. I always worry how close to the edge I am skating. I am SOOOOO glad that worried is doing this work now. It will change her life. Truly it will.
CX if God sent me, he had a nerve to make me an atheist. I love cathedrals. I would have made a wonderful nun. I am in real life very reclusive, retiring, and could have likely been an anchorite in another time. One anchorite got to keep her cat in her isolation cell. One wonders about kitty littler deliver? Perhaps it has a cat door.
Who remembers The Nun's Story? I so wanted to be a nun (when being Audie Murphy didn't work out. Or just Audrey Hepburn.
You are a gift from God to us! 🩷
Were you surprised to see WorriedinCali posting a while back? I was. I missed seeing her posts.
She was a lot younger than the rest of us. I told her once that her ‘sass’ reminded me of my youngest daughter! 😁 That ‘sass’ will take a person far in life!
I found it interesting that Cali is now working at an assisted living facility.
Glad to see you back !
Yeah , I have the whoops kittie too .
My 101 year old cousin died not that long ago. I miss her terribly. She was a tiny little spitfire! We referred to her as the ‘energizer bunny’ of our family.
My cousin lived in the present. She had a tough life, loosing her mom when she was an infant. Her father was never in the picture. He abandoned the family after his wife died.
My grandfather’s sisters (my great aunts) raised her. One of my aunts was very mean to her and told her that she was ugly and stupid.
My great aunt told my cousin that she was too ugly to get married (she wasn’t ugly at all) and too stupid to graduate (she graduated with honors) and ended up working in the pentagon for many years before moving back to New Orleans with a handsome man by her side.
She married and had 5 children. She buried two daughters. first daughter at age 5 and the second one at age 40. She had one daughter remaining whom she had a falling out with and two sons that she stayed in contact with.
Nothing kept her down! She always spoke about her next trip, lunch with her friends, exercise class, helping her neighbors (whom she referred to as the “old people” in her independent living facility,) etc.
She wasn’t in a wheelchair, never used a walker. She was always dressed to the nines. She drove her car (ignored me when I asked her to please stop driving) and went to her school reunions until age 100. She was the oldest living alumni of her school. She had all of her faculties and never missed a beat! Her body just gave out at 101 years old!
Now that she is gone, I am claiming you as the ‘energizer bunny’ of our AgingCare family, who makes me smile just like my cousin did for as long as I can remember! 😊
Also, anyone noticing that the site is slow to load things of late? Or is it my loss of brain cells?
Anyway, I am baaaaaaaaaaaaaaccccccccccccckkkkkkkkkkkk, as cwillie so well knows (and loves, I am sure).
Hopefully I left the Alien skittering across the OR floor, and they got her NEST as well, but margins arrive in about a week; I am told I will be told whether margins clear or not at my first post op which is first February. Or February 1 (whichever comes first). Hoping not to have to go back in but she sure took enough to need a drain, so hoping. It was certainly her intention.
Not certain if it was YOU or if it was WorriedinCali, or WHO it was. But someone PM'd me some four years ago that I didn't have to answer EVERYTHING.
Whoever it was, I clearly was a bad listener!
Woman, you are gonna have to BURY ME DEEP and put a stake through my heart before I stop answering. Even wearing garlic round your neck won't stop me!
Thank you for the giggle.
Send, I like your epitaph better! Esp. if it gets delivered.
PS look at my update 14 hours ago
And also, know I updated TWICE but the first one I guess I forgot to post. I came back later and it wasn't there! So I am thinking I have lost some brain cells. REALLY! I am having to proofread pretty carefully.
I haven't had to hit those 5 oxycodones. I may get yet to sell them in the street.
Need, I updated 14 hours ago. No one wants to hear that stuff twice! You will find me!
You said: "Tombstone epitaphs gladly accepted. But my latest choice is "Does this mean I don't get to watch The Bishops Wife next Christmas".
Here is what I want on my Tombstone:
Pepperoni, sausage, olives, extra-cheesy.
(Tombstone pizza, that is.)
We are all waiting for your update. As always, sending love and support your way.
Congratulations on taking that very big step, getting it done.
(My atheist friend knows that I am praying for her recovery.).
Some people can live perfectly well with a few more cells blitzed, and you seem to be doing fine!
It is also Ali's birthday:
AliBoBali wrote yesterday:
Feb 20, 2024
Your d-day is my b-day.
I was confused.
That's today.
So Happy Birthday Ali!
After the gentle anesthesia from lasik eye surgery, I was not sure I have returned to my before anesthesia, so I have not been posting much.
Everyone have some cake to celebrate!
I thought I already posted this.
Likely I wrote it all out nicely, and then was too ditzed out to press the posting button at about 3 pm today.
Alas, you KNOW what they say about us seniors and anesthesia? More than a few here have suggested I get my head examined. I fear I am a few more cells short.
As Young Frankenstein said the Eggg-gor "IT'S a-LIVVEEEEE" as in "here I am again."
A drain more or less, and not feeling a whole lot of pain.
Back tomorrow pounding away, I would guess.
I thank you ALL for your kind thoughts, your prayers, your love and best wishes. It makes a tremendous difference, honestly.
I will keep you updated. Should know if the margins are clear on the 1st when I do my check in. Everyone was so good to me there in the hospital. It's honestly just a matter of getting past my anxiety. I always know how silly it is, and I always do it.
As I know YOU all know, I am much better at whipping at everyone here into what I call "shape" than in doing it for/to myself. At that latter I am a miserable failure.
Now, let's see. Just how do I post a comment?