As I reflect on my life I see many of my mistakes, particularly those over which I've had no control. I hold (terrible) secrets from the past, both personal and entrusted to me by others. No one truly cares about the secrets. No one truly cares about seniors. No one spends time to truly listen to seniors. No one truly takes care about us. I'm speaking of those of us who devoted our lives to you: our families, friends, neighbors, employers and co-workers. Senior's are now considered a burden without a purpose. Nothing can be done to change our past - yet it affects every day of your and our lives, your and our personalities and yours and our future. Many seniors will die lonely...and alone. However, seniors can count on our dear family and friends to "swoop in after our death" to lay claim to our most prized possessions. Where were you when we needed you? I have been on the very edge of death several times. Dying is peaceful. Life is torment. One year ago I was vivacious. Today I've given up and I'm just biding my time left on earth. What do you think I'm opting for, dying or life? And trust me, I'm not alone.
FYI facts: Seniors are so-o-o lucky. Medicare ends cancer treatment at age 70. There is no insurance coverage for home care for home-bound/bedridden seniors to receive even once per day help, let alone 24/7 care by a companion, for personal grooming, a sandwich, a drink or for help toileting. Families have become global and sadly don't have the time nor patience to spend with their elders. Families days are micromanaged as it is.
I'm so tired of watching my friends die, wishing that their loved ones cared, wishing just once SOMEONE said, "Thanks, I recognize how you loved me and devoted your life to me" and that just ONCE my senior friends truly felt "forgiven" for doing the best they could at the worst times of their lives by the children/ people who have held the same interfering grudges for 40-50 years.

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DJE, since this is a caregiver forum we usually here the other side of this ... the daughter complaining about the mother or mother-in-law who has moved in. I can well imagine that it is not all peaches and cream from either side.

I don't understand what you mean by seniors are disregarded? Your daughter took you in, saved you from homelessness and hunger. That doesn't sound like total disregard, does it?

If you are healthy and are only there because of financial problems, why are you holed up in your room? Could you handle a part-time job? Just something to give you a little spending money and give you something to do? How about going to the senior center and joining their book discussions, or learning to play a new card game? Is the local library a pleasant place? If there is a Y perhaps you would qualify for a free Silver Sneakers membership.

I don't know, DJE, what happened that you could no longer support yourself. Whatever it was must have been traumatic and stressful. If you are still dealing with that trauma and if you are feeling depressed that may be coloring your perceptions. Getting a full medical check up might be a good step right now.

I hear some of what you are saying, but it just isn't true, the way you are painting ALL of us into the same corner, as the majority of the people on this site ARE caring for Seniors to the point of burn out, and we are Seniors ourselves!

Wouldn't it be nice, if we had nothing but time on our hands, to care for every single Senior we know? A lot depends on the way in which you have lived your life!

I know that in my own family, we were exposed to our parents living and caring for the Older generation, and here I am, doing that too! My parents immigrated to the US in 1950, with nothing, very poor, post WW2, and built a life here, had 6 kids, and raised us to be respectful and responsible, to invest and save for our future,  and they worked hard to build a life in this new country.

My parents provided Loving relationships with all of their 6 kids, and in turn, all of us are close, and enjoyed our younger years, our 20's and 30's, all doing family events together often, and provided them with Grandchildren to love, and even more relationships to blossom.

As time went on, in our 40's we vacationed together, and then as even more time went on, we helped them in their own Senior years, downsizing them from the big family home, into easier accessible and more manageable living accommodations, and then the difficult years came, with their failing health, but never did we ever abandon them, on the contrary, we were there every step of the way, and unto death.  They were Never a burden,  it was All done out of Love!

There were no Vulture issues, although I know that they exist in families that are not as healthy as my own. My husband has Vulture siblings,  so even I am not immune to this behavior. 

I don't think you can paint everyone into the same corner, as you did in your initial post, it isn't fair! When we all go onto having our own families, caring for our own parents needs, so often there often isn't enough time in the day to look out for another families parents, neighbors or friends, we are mostly struggling to care for the Seniors we are responsible for.

That you live with your daughter, make me think that you aren't happy in your own situation, and are perhaps depressed.  You do have Someone, you are not alone.

Your statement that Medicare does not pay for Cancer treatment after age 70, simply is not true! My own Mother, and my FIL both had Cancer, and the treatment to treat it After age 70, so please be careful with your facts.

I think that the majority of families do their very best by their Senior Parents and families members, but then there is a Sad percentage, that doesn't have family, or is disengaged from their families for whatever reason, and are left to fend for themselves.

These are the people who have got to reach out to Medicare, Social Services, community agencies, their church, and neighbors, to help them find help, and as dificult as that is to sometimes find, there is help available. Often times on here,  I hear people refer others to check with their Counties AREA ON AGING, as they become will send someone to the home, evaluate that person and their health and financial situation, and find them the help they need. I haven't used their services yet, but have researched them, and know they are available. 

If you are struggling, I suggest you do just that, and recommend it to others who  you know  are struggling,  that may need that same help!

I think you do a great service to others, helping the way that you do, but you do have to look out for yourself, and take care of you. But please don't put everyone into the same basket, as we all HERE, are all doing everything we can, to help the Seniors in our own lives, while trying to help ourselves too!

It IS rough for many, but those people must look within themselves and say, WHAT DID I DO, THAT MY FAMILY TURNED AGAINST ME? Sometimes, people need to take accountability for the WRONGS THEY HAVE DONE, AND SAY THEY ARE SORRY, and show that person, that they are willing and  wanting to change, to reconcile their relationships, and home to begin again, in a better place.

I just don't believe it is as black and white as you paint it. Not everybody abandons their parents, and families. In my own experience, not many have. 

We can only take care of a certain amount of things in our lives, but Everybody should step up and help where they CAN, but people Are responsible to create the life they truly want, in the end, and I'm not talking about WEALTH.

 I did not come from wealth, nor do I have it. But what I do have is a Close and Loving family, with my siblings and my children, and that will never change.

There are ways to find help, but you have to reach out!

People can have money issues no matter what is their income level. A rich person could have the same ratio of debt as someone with lower income. From both worlds it is hard to ask for help.

I noticed you wrote "Medicare ends cancer treatment at age 70". That's a myth that spun around falsely by email since 2009 regarding the Affordable Care Act to get people to dislike said Act. It's been debunked many times over.  Pants on Fire.  No need to worry about that.

As for food for seniors, there is Meals on Wheels which is free or for a very small donation of a couple dollars. One's local Agency on Aging has programs available for many seniors.

As for having free care for seniors, that is difficult because Medicaid is paid for mainly through the taxpayers and some funds from the Federal government. It would be great if that was put into place, but then our taxes would go sky high.

My parents were the teenagers of the Great Depression, and they stressed to me to save for those "rainy days", to which they did the same, thank goodness. To live below our means, etc. What we can do is stress to the next generation to save big time.

My sig other's daughter complains she doesn't have any money, yet she, her husband, and her two grade school aged children all have Smart Phones, iPads, etc. And sitting in their driveway are two new cars. And the daughter won't go out of the house without wearing her $200 jeans, and todays shoe styles.

I am going to look at it a bit differently, because I've seen two circumstances that crop up again and again. I'll take a couple of examples. Our neighbors across the street are strong family people. They have always pulled their children to them and traveled to visit with their children. They went places together throughout their lives and helped each other in every way. The woman is very ill right now and her children are right there for her. The parents pulled their children close and they stay close, even though two of the children live hours away.

Then there are my parents who lived for themselves and pushed their children away from them. I have been here helping for seven years now, but am not treated with any love or respect. My brothers have little to do with their parents. I do not find fault with my brothers because the family was never pulled together. You can't expect a family to form 60 years later.

I see this scenario again and again. If a family is strong, they will stay strong. If they are not, they will do things, but will not have the strong commitment to each other. It is the reality of life -- we usually reap the family we sow.

BTW, my neighbors across the street do not feel in any way that the children owe them anything. The children do things out of love for their parents. I think what we see is a reciprocation of love and not a repayment of debt.

Sadly, that's exactly my story too. I'm stuck financially so I cannot live on my own and am capable oF doing it, now I have to live miserably with my daughter and family and all their problems and kids, I'm isolated in my room, I feel like I'm non existent, no options and always feel like what's the point anymore. Yes, seems like everyone disregards us Seniors and if you complain then it's like don't dare voice your whinny opinions. I'm sick of it too!

imbunky you are doing a great service in careing and helping others.
You admit to great depression for yourself and others and I completely acknowledge the truth in your statements.
My first suggestion would be to see a Dr and request medication. It can be the cheapest available from one of the larger big box stores or pharmacy chains, typically $4- $5 for a months supply. Make sure you specifically ask for something cheap. Don't expect immediate results these medications typically take about 2 weeks to become effective.
One big plus is that your daughter is living with you so you are not totally alone. Does she actually help you or just live under your roof? There is a big difference as you well know.
Stop worrying about the vultures, they have been around for ever and will always be with us. Once the person has died they can not be hurt by this behavior
Also agree that people offer to help and then disappear. Yes they may never have any intention of actually helping but they can't do it if you don't ask. Don't shoot for the moon ask for something that won't take them out of their way. like a ride to church if that is where you want to go and you know they are a member. Try not to be negative around people ask about their family jobs, garden etc. Praise them for raising vegetables chickens or whatever and you may find samples come your way. many people are really good hearted but fear rejection or just don't know how to help.
Give a call to your local senior services and tell them of your difficulties, they often have volunteers who will take you places and they know all about free services in your area and how to apply.
You have to take the first step and pulling the covers over your head is not it.
You still have a lot to give even though you are poor. Everything you say is true but many don't have your insight. Accept the things you can't change like we all have to as we age but do change the things you can.
You may be old and poor, I am old too and disabled and almost died, fortunately not as poor as you but I have been.
Take the first step then you will be able to help many others in your situation. Don't give up. Blessings

BTW, every time I was dying I had a revolving door of people who were falling over themselves to help me out. The issue is not mine alone. The issue is my heartache for each person, who does not have this celebration of their life.

GardenArtist, I am speaking of the end of life not every day living. Yes, I am in a deep depression. I can no longer bear to see people die alone and lonely. I see those of us that do care about others do everything humanly possible and others ask, "Let me know if I may help." then walk away UNTIL the patient dies. Then they're the 1st people (often before the family) to take what they want under the guise of helping take care of the diseased's belongings and walk away with precious heirlooms. Right now I'm devoting the majority of my time to 2 patients who's family don't call, who's neighbors don't call and those people that do see the patients talk about THEIR issues and ignore my friends desires to be heard. I've been a caregiver all my life (and one of my children lives with me as my caregiver) but I'm ready to crawl into bed, pull the covers up and say "Good night". In today's world there is no longer a large support network of family and friends gathering in support at the end of life acknowledging, honoring, thanking and saying what a positive influence a person has been on others. It's more of a mentality of "What can I get?"
Sorry, I know I've spoken in tangents and have not reread what I and others have written. I'm just giving up about this future of less humanity and more selfishness. What is the bottom line...empathy or money?

I normally wouldn't get involved in a post like that but I really have to disagree with your broad-stroke conclusions. In fact, I'm a low-income senior, at a level that I couldn't get Medicaid if I tried b/c my income is about 5 candy bars worth of money over the limit.

It takes a lot of creativity to manage, and there are times when I wish I had worked 2 jobs throughout my younger life and socked the funds away for retirement.

But I'm not going to wallow in regret or self pity. That's self defeating.

I do think that you're depressed, have a very negative outlook, and although I don't think much of therapists or social workers, perhaps you could benefit from discussing your situation with someone who could help introduce a more positive outlook.

There is no question that people of wealth live much easily and more lavishly if they choose. But there are also people of nominal means who find ways to reach out and help others. And there are people who are utilizing off the grid methods to live satisfactorily within the grid.

I honestly don't know how though that you can feel lower income people are so abandoned; there are benefits they get which I can't just because, as I wrote, I'm a few dollars over the Medicaid limit. There are food programs, energy assistance programs... I can't even access those, but poorer people can.

And I certainly don't have a lot of people around me to help out. It's just me, so I have to make the best of what I have and not feel sorry for myself.

But, seriously, get help for your depression. Your post is a real cry for help, an IMMEDIATE cry for help.

Thank you "windytown" for your comment. I am writing because I hear the exact same stories from my low income friends/neighbors repeatedly. These beautiful people literally cry daily asking, "Why?" Sorry but money DOES talk. My friends/neighbors cannot afford their testing, specialist appts, meds, surgeries, short or long term care, and may get a HHA the standard 2 hours 2 times per week that showers the patient (leaving the hair wet), etc. (with Medicare plans) and are dying alone. No clean clothes, no dishes washed, families, friends and neighbors that either don't want to see a patient's decline, don't care or are too overwhelmed with their own situations. There IS a huge separation between the have's and have not's. Without purpose and feeling no longer needed, we seniors exist, but don't live. Personally I feel I can no longer give proper care to the most needy as I watch my friends and neighbors cry out for help and the response is silence. I have totally ruined myself to the point of exhaustion and therefore am facing the same life alternatives of

You are going to get a variety of answers here, that's for sure, as you are on a caregiver's website.

You wouldn't have found us if you didn't have a very important question in your life. The majority of us on CG love our parents and are looking for answers on how to best care for them. It's difficult, but I'm on year 10 looking after people in my family - dad, brain cancer, and mother in law lewy body dementia. Both have passed.

Now mom and Father in law. No one is neglected.

You paint a broad brush and I'm sorry you have experienced that in your life. Medicare paid $10,000 a month for my FIL's bone meds before he went on hospice. Perhaps you need a better advocate. If you don't speak up, nothing will happen. Don't know about 2017 with Obamacare going up astronomically, at least 25% for everyone. Better check now.

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