Friends who disappear.

BEING a true friend - through thick and thin, is very rare. So is HAVING a true friend - through thick and thin.

Some people are lucky to have more than one true friend, during their lifetime. (I have several true friends).

It’s easy to be a “friend” when everything’s going well. You see someone’s true nature, when everything’s going badly.

Almost all of us will go through a really, really horrible patch in our life. Often those who’ve been through that, and who know what it’s like to be abandoned by “friends”, help others in their rough patch, because they know what it feels like to be abandoned in your worst moment.

To have a friend you have to be one. You said you leaned on her a lot but had no idea what she meant when she said she had a lot on her plate. That says it all there. The friendship was one sided and she was finally done.

I have a 'friend' that only calls when she needs something or is without a partner. I give her grace because she was there for me at one point in my life 30 years ago. I have not cut her off but I no longer seek her out. I just wait for her to pop back into my life take if for whatever it is and move forward.

Friends come and go. I'm sorry you're feeling a betrayal. Try to step back and look at it from all sides. In my book, if she "couldn't handle it", it's something that you don't need in the long run.
Sometimes it just comes down to the truth. But I have found that what most people don't realize, is that we ALL have a version of "truth" we live by. Simply put, both of you were not on the same page as friends. It wasn't a good fit. Everything has a way of working out for the better - even in the endings that hurt.
You've got this.

I had a friend who sucked the life out of me.

I had a feeling that she really needed me in her life--but only for a season. She used me, physically, emotionally. spritually and financially.

After 3 years of being 'there' for her, giving her advice, shoring her up--it finally all came crashing down.

I did talk to her and told her I would always care about her, but that the last straw simply 'broke me'.

To this day IDK if I actually helped her or enabled her craziness.

I don't feel bad about 'breaking up' with her. Relationships come and go. If you have a handful of good friends--you are blessed.

It is difficult to be honest with people and to tell them when they have moved from being a friend who shares to a burden one must deal with. The same circular complaints can become frustrating. It does sound as though she tried to level with you, and to tell you why she was done with the relationship. She said her plate was full of her own woes and she could not "take it" (read listen to it) anymore.

You won't change, Mary. And she recognizes that. And she has moved on. Let her go. Try to read any lessons in this that YOU can use for your OWN life, wish her well as sounds like she already has problems of her own. Try to focus on the good in life. Long walks, take pictures, celebrate the beauty of the season. Wishing you the best. The world is full of people in need of friends. Find one and be that friend who doesn't share your own woes, but listens to theirs and determines to find some time for a good movie, a nice lunch out.

Friendship is a two-way street. You say "No I don't know what is on her plate. She ignored me after supporting me for a long time. I finally had to ask her and she ridiculed me." If your conversations were one sided all the time, and you never asked her what issues SHE was dealing with, that's likely why she ghosted you after "supporting you for a long time." And getting no support in return.

I'm sorry you lost a friend. I had a friend Linda who would call me constantly to unload her problems. I'd listen and sympathize with her, oftentimes for an hour or more, never able to get a word in edgewise. This went on for 2 years. One day SHE ghosted ME. I have no idea why. I was kind of relieved though, I must say, because I'm not a therapist or a sounding board exclusively.

From your previous posts, I can see where maybe you complained about certain family dynamics that there was no solution for. In the beginning, your friend probably sympathized with you. Maybe even gave u suggestions. You seemed not to except that, for some reason, your family did not want you involved. But you kept plugging away. A friend can only listen to the same thing over and over again without finally saying enough, I can't be your sounding board anymore. I had a friend who was a Debbie Downer. You gave her suggestions to better her situation but she always had an excuse why it could not be done. She wore people down.

Before you end this friendship, please look at yourself. You may owe ur friend an apology.

I am a firm believer that friends/people come into our lives for a season and a reason and when that season and reason is over they often go by the wayside.
It's called life.
Your friend was there when you needed her most and now she's not. This season and reason is perhaps over. Plus it sounds like this friendship was perhaps a bit one-sided anyway with you dumping your stuff on her while not taking the time to see what she had going on with herself. That isn't a true friendship.
So move on with lesson learned that a friendship must be a 2-way street where both get to share what's going on in each other lives, so you won't lose any more friends.

Mary,

I am sorry that your friend ghosted you.

Indeed, it would have been nice if she could have simply been honest with you about how she felt.

Do you think that your friend ghosted you instead of not talking to you about how she felt because she was afraid that you would have overreacted?

Sometimes, during a highly emotional time people do overreact. We have all been guilty of this. Most likely from both sides, right? We have dodged people and they have dodged us at times depending upon the circumstances.

People come and go in our lives, right? Not every friendship is meant to last a lifetime.

I have some friends that I have been close to since kindergarten. Others friends have moved away and we don’t get to see each other very often.

You say that she has ghosted you before, so this isn’t exactly new behavior. I agree that her timing after your mom died was insensitive.

If you do feel that you may have leaned on her too much, and if she was truly a good friend at one point in time, then allow her some time alone with her thoughts. Take time for yourself to reflect as well to determine how you feel about her.

After some time has passed, perhaps write a brief note about what you were going through and that you are sorry if you went overboard and that you do care about what she is going through as well.

Make sure to keep your note brief so she won’t feel like you are monopolizing everything and don’t care about what she’s been through.

Otherwise, grieve the loss of a friend and move on.

Wishing you peace after the loss of your mother. All the best to you.

No I don't know what is on her plate. She ignored me after supporting me for a long time. I finally had to ask her and she ridiculed me. She has had a habit of ghosting me but right after my mother died? I would have expected an explanation, even sorry I need a break would have been nice

I was just wondering if anyone else had this happen I am sure it has

That became a worthless friendship and while it may seem difficult now you are likely better off which hopefully you will realize in time.

I had a so called friend who I have not heard from in over a year and actually find it a relief. She had a litany of physical and family issues. The subject of my ailing mother could not be discussed because it brought her too much sadness remembering her late mother who passed over a decade away. I am married therefore in her mind I had no reason to complain as she had an acrimonious divorce. All discussions were about her. If she asked me about something I knew about I had to get right to the point. She didn't want to hear anything but just the point she wanted to know which often required my guessing what that was. On and on. I think I annoyed her in our last conversation as she asked me about a referral which I told her could not help as I was now in a different state. I believe I told her I had already told her that.

Anyway long story short:those who can't be there for you aren't worth your time. Hopefully you will feel this way and find others who are supportive. That is the definition of true friendship.

Thank you!

Mary444. So sorry for the loss of your mother and now a friend as well . I’m sorry that your friend could not at least try to talk to you . I agree that ghosting was not the way to handle it . Do you know what is on her “ plate “. I have a very good friend who I don’t hear much from when she has alot on her plate . Other times she will call for my opinion . I also have not communicated as often with friends when I was caregiving or other busy times . Is your friend caregiving as well ? Or perhaps has another family issue or her own health issue ? Perhaps you could reach out and say you care and offer to listen to her tell you what’s on her plate . Maybe you could move forward and be friends again . Caregiving is so isolating . (((Hugs))).