That's a broad statement--but I don't know how to phrase it better!
Hubby is 66, still working FT (he LOVES his job!) and travels quite a bit. He has developed this 'habit' as he travels--he walks in the hotel, turns the TV to FoxNews and it's on the entire time he's in the room, sleeping or awake. He also has a continual feed of FB on his phone, so it's blowing up all day and night while he spars with "the left wing". Then when he's home, he continues this way of living. He treats our home like a hotel! The TV is on within seconds of him arriving home and even if I can coax him to the kitchen to eat dinner (he prefers to eat all his meals in bed)--his phone it right at the hand and he will barely talk to me as he watches the FB feed roll by.
He does work hard. He also relaxes hard. He will sleep for 3 days straight (I know this sounds impossible, but he does) so, a trip of a week is followed by 3 days of "downtime" in which he is asleep, with the TV blaring (he's about 75% deaf) and if I dare to turn the sound down, he wakes up and says "I am watching that!!".
B/C he will not turn the TV off, I cannot sleep in the bedroom with him, so I moved downstairs to the spareroom. He watches TV so loud, I have more than once texted him (at say, 2:30 am) "please turn the sound down".
He will not talk to me, he thinks I am dumb for not "keeping up" with the news--but I do, just not 24 hours a day! I check my FB once a day or so, but he has become so belligerent in his posts--our whole family has unfriended him.
The combination of the deafness, the LOUD TV viewing and the eating in bed and just never knowing if he's going to get up and engage with the family, or talk to me or want to spend time with me--I feel very abandoned and alone.
We NEED to move to a more "senior friendly" home. He has fought me on this tooth and nail. We have a split entry home, I run up and down stairs all day long. One car garage, which houses HIS car. I have to schlep groceries, etc across the driveway and up 7 steps into the house. Laundry is downstairs. 16 very steep stairs to the attic, 7 stars down off the porch--but since he NEVER goes downstairs or in the backyard, he doesn't see the problem. He walks in the house and goes to bed. Period.
I guess I could live with this sleeping dynamic, he's done it since he had a liver transplant, and I'm used to it. But the TV is SO depressing and angry, he's absorbed all that anger. FB is just a place for him to spout his super right wing views.
We did our trust planning yesterday with the attorney. Attorney asked if we were making any major changes in the next couple of years and I said "We plan to move" to which DH quickly said "No, we're not going anywhere". I looked a fool. Later asked him what he meant by that and he said "Oh, I was just teasing". (Any time he hurts my feelings, he always says he's just teasing).
I'm feeling so very at a loss with him. I don't *work* anymore, but I DO take complete care of our house, cars, money, meals, budgeting, family things etc. Basically, all he needs to do is go to work, I ask zero of him here at home.
Yes, he has depression and is on 4 meds to help with that. He quit going to therapy b/c he said he was "cured". He refuses to acknowledge the hearing loss, which is worsening and he misses so much.
I cannot make him change, I open my mouth and he is immediately in "shut her down" mode.
Retirement looms. I ask what he plans to do and all he says is he just wants to sleep. I believe it.
I have posted about parts of this "whole" before--but we're at a crucial point here. I want to move--he's never loved this house, so I do not get that. I am seriously looking at buying a duplex, he lives in one side and he lives in the other. It sounds crazy, but I'm beginning to think that's what I might just do.
I AM making an apt with an ENT and an audiologist. He has to go---I will not stand by and let him lose what hearing he has left. If it's MY voice he doesn't want to hear, the I'll deal with that.
Just a rant/vent. I am so beyond frustrated with him.