After caring for my mom, with vascular dementia, for 4 years, my sister and I had to make the decision to have her placed in a care facility. She had been living in her home just fine for 3 years while we took turns going over every day to check on her, bring her meals, and other necessary daily living activities she could not do. In August she had some sort of "incident." She had some mini strokes in the past and I know they caused some decline each time, but whatever happened in August, changed everything. Caring for her was already difficult for the past 3 years because she could be nasty at times, and she had never been a loving and caring mother. Suddenly, she was very incontinent (no longer just occasionally), could no longer turn on the TV, often did not know where the bathroom was, etc.
She suddenly required 24/7 care. We alternated staying with her 2 days at a time. It was awful! 48 hours of dementia care dealing with the incontinence and all that comes with this sort of care. We would go home on our days off, only to be at home long enough to do laundry, get a few things done, and then back again. We dreaded each day with her. My sister is 70 and I just turned 69. This was more than we could handle.
I did some checking into private care facilities and found one that was thousands of dollars less per month than other ones similar. It's less than half of what a nursing home would be and many thousands less than a memory care facility.
We decided to take the plunge before we completely lost our minds and what little strength we had left. We DID NOT tell her this was what we were doing. We just took her over, got her settled, visited for a while, then left to let her get acquainted with her new surroundings. We expected a very difficult adjustment period. It didn't happen. We took turns going over once a day, for the 1st week, then every other day, to see how she was. She has given the caregivers some pushback about going to bed as early as they want her to, but all in all, she really likes it there, is happy, and NEVER asks to go home.
After 4 years of losing myself in dementia care, losing out on my grandchildren's lives, and developing physical problems myself but not being able to do much self-care, I'm finally getting a break. We do realize she could decline to the point of someday needing nursing home care, but there are also 2 other residents there who I would have thought would need nursing home care, but they are doing very well in this home.
My point of all of this is that a private care home can be a great option for a dementia patient, it costs a lot less, AND some of them do take Medicaid patients. I had heard about private care homes before but did not know how they operated. I know due diligence is needed in picking one, and we feel very blessed that the caregivers there do such a good job.