First of all, I appreciate this forum and just the chance to "lurk" and read everyone's comments and suggestions.

My 84 yr old mom has been living on her own in a 2/2 condo. Unfortunately, it is a 2nd floor villa and there is no elevator(!). She is starting to have trouble with the stairs, and in general getting more and more confused about things. Our family (my local brother, I live out of state) has started looking for some other type of living arrangement, including possibly just renting a first floor apt.

Yesterday, they went to see an ALF, but apparently for $1500/mo. it was extremely closet-like, and everyone agreed that it was too small and that she cannot afford something bigger. Mom did come away impressed, however, by the number of activities such a place offered, and seemed very excited by this, as she often complains of loneliness.

The problem is, she has never really been able to make, or at least keep, friends. She has basically refused to even consider that her church, or other churches, might offer comparable activities for seniors, and this is a big part of her problem: nothing and nobody seems "good enough" for her, and I think this attitude is quickly picked up by people, and therefore she has no real friends!

To get to the point: clearly, even a great facility with lots to do will likely turn into the same "woe is me" I am lonely, etc., given my mom's personality. At this point, clearly she cannot change, and there is no point in essentially pointing out that the problem is her (and I do believe it is).

I would love to be proven wrong, and maybe she will find a place where she will be able to find some friends..... but it seems unlikely.

So I guess I don't really have a question per se, but comments are always welcome. Thanks!

This discussion has been closed for comment. Start a New Discussion.
Find Care & Housing
Yes, but at least we finally realized that. Will she be able to afford the small $1500 a month place? She may like the ease of getting around it.

Amy109... thanks for your reply! The reason I am skeptical is that she could find plenty of peers right in her own current complex, or church, and cannot/will not. It has taken me a very long time to realize just how much she is to blame for much of her life-long unhappiness (and that, though our father was very mean and caused some of it).

I just hope she can find some place she can afford, as that is the other big issue. She only gets Soc. Sec. and whatever she might clear from her condo (not much).

For Mom to come away impressed is a tremendous start, Booda. Sadly, My mom isn't impressed with anything in her AL facility. There definitely won't be loneliness for your mom in a place full of peers. As much as my mom hates it, she does enjoy the entertainment and sings along with everyone, has conversations with people in the halls and chats with the folks she eats with.

I really have nothing helpful to tell you about your mom's woe is me attitude, as my mom still has it and always will. Nothing is good enough and never has been! Oh well! One thing I found humorous was that she used to say, I'm 86 and broke my ribs. That's really tough. When others told her things like.. I'm 92 and have 2 hip replacements, a knee replacement and diabetes, she stopped. Just wanted to comment so you know we are listening and all in pretty much the same kind of boat.

Start a Discussion
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter